


come fly with me, little bird

by chilibambam, doubledef



Series: sugar baby au [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Chapter 7 has SMUT, M/M, Mark catfishes Youngjae and it gets freaky, Rich boy Jaebeom, Strangers to Lovers, Sugar Baby AU, Sugar Baby Mark, Tags will be added, The Broke Trio starring Bambam Mark and Jinyoung, Youngjae sugar daddy but he's too broke to actually be one, college student youngjae, come along for the ride, little bit of slow burn but not super bad i think?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 80,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21712750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chilibambam/pseuds/chilibambam, https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubledef/pseuds/doubledef
Summary: In which Mark scams men in a wig, playing the part of a girl named Yien online and taking money in exchange for few flirty words.Add Choi Youngjae, a broke college student with too many responsibilities and suddenly, he has a lot more problems than paying his rent every month.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Mark Tuan, Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung, Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Kim Yugyeom
Series: sugar baby au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619476
Comments: 66
Kudos: 170





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello nice to meet you and thank you for giving this a chance!  
> as of right now, there are no warnings to be given! i will be sure to warn people if something comes up that could be harmful ^^
> 
> and thank you to my best friend for encouraging this au because it's now become my little love. he edits most of this with me so i have him to thank for supporting this and giving me the confidence to write it!

Mark chews on the inside of his cheek, staring at his reflection in the mirror of his room. It’s full length and he licks his lips, glancing at the makeup on the dresser. What colour lipstick should he wear? He has to take photos for his profile, his outfit already on and hugging him nicely but his lipstick…

“Bam?!” he calls out, his fingers hesitating above a dark mulberry colour. Would this fit?

_ “What?” _ his roommate calls back before Mark’s bedroom door opens, Bambam standing there with his shoulder against the doorframe. “Oh, are you taking photos?” He sounds excited and steps forward, checking Mark out from head to toe before pursing his lips in thoughts.

Mark waits patiently as Bambam searches his lipstick collection (which is extensive, if he has the chance to brag) before he picks out bright red shade, uncapping it and holding it up to Mark’s face. He squints, dotting the product on the back of his hand and he takes the mulberry lipstick that Mark looked at before, doing the same. He sets the red back down and uses the mulberry, doing Mark’s lipstick for him.

“Your outfit is nice,” Bambam says quietly, focused on the makeup and Mark tries to resist smiling, grateful for the compliment from his roommate.

Mark is dressed in a deep wine coloured crewneck, a white collared shirt underneath. He doesn’t have his usual rings or necklaces on and his shirt is tucked into his skirt, one that stops just above his knee. It’s a pencil skirt, very on brand for his look and his tights are black, ending in his black heels that click on his floors when he walks. It makes him feel powerful, the sounds that he makes when he walks. Something about heels just makes him smirk to himself and he’s definitely guilty of checking himself out in the mirror when he’s all dolled up. Who can blame him? He’s supposed to look sexy, so he might as well self-assess and pull it off.

Mark is twenty six years old and his life is a little bit different. He’s not in school and he’s had no inkling to be but he definitely lives a…  _ abnormal _ life. A few years ago, he wanted to stay in Korea permanently but had little to no money to keep him afloat. What the hell do you do when you’re in a foreign country with no job? His visa was up to date but if he couldn’t support himself, then what’s the point?

Some of his friends back home had joked about Mark being an ‘entertainer’ early on, in every definition of the word. He liked rapping and messing around in the skateparks with his friends and took a language course on a whim. He learnt Korean with a bit of difficulty but his interest kept growing and he decided to travel the world after high school, meeting up with people he had spoken to online as well as family in Europe before he visited Korea on a whim and… never left. 

In that time, Mark didn’t know what the hell he wanted to do. Staying in Korea was a little more complicated than just deciding he wanted to stay overseas but he made it work from what he had. ‘What he had’ means an old wig that he had spent way too much on as a joke for a halloween costume in Germany and shaved legs so he took a photo and decided to be a troll online in hopes someone would be dumb enough to fall for him.

Turns out a lot of people are dumb on the internet and Mark got his rent paid in two days. He was surprised, sitting in his shitty apartment in shock. His bank account got stocked and he put food in his fridge in a trance, still reeling from a random guy sending him a hundred dollars in exchange for a photo of his hands.

“Am I okay?” he whispered to himself in his kitchen, completely shocked at the fact that he had  _ herbs _ in his pantry and even beer on his counter. He was literally too broke to afford alcohol seven hours prior and yet he was cracking one open and skulling it down in that moment.

“Okay, cute,” Bambam says once he’s done, snapping Mark out of his thoughts. He caps the lipstick, looking at Mark’s whole face before smiling at him, fixing his wig quickly. He surveys his work before nodding, approving.

Mark peers at himself in the full length mirror, glancing at Bambam that stands behind him with his hands on his hips. He does look nice, Bambam has always been better at lipstick than he is but Mark’s eyeliner is something Bambam could never match in a million years. And he never has to fill in his eyebrows, whereas Bambam needs a little more help.

“Call me when you’re done,” Bambam says, leaving the room with him. They live in a three bedroom apartment, one of the rooms for them to take pictures in. Bambam is the same as him with his makeup and wigs, a little Hannah Montana moment for the both of them.

Mark met Bambam three years ago in the same fashion. He joined a random site to upload his pictures when he got a new  _ expensive _ wig and started his profile under the name  _ Yien _ . He found Bambam not long after, his profile being under the name  _ Bambi. _ At first, Mark completely believed that he was a girl, his wig being in a short style bob and his makeup simple and cute. Bambam’s always cute online, targeting more of a younger audience as he is very sweet and talks in over the top way that makes a lot of people swoon. He’s innocent as Bambi, more innocent than he is as Bambam and Mark fell for it.

He isn’t sure how he figured it out but on a whim, he messaged Bambam and asked him bluntly. Bambam came clean immediately, begging Mark not to out him, not to tell anyone because he really needed to pay his rent. Mark had a feeling that Bambam was similar to him and the boy confessed that he was from Thailand, fluent in Korean and Mark felt absolutely no shame when he asked him to meet up.

Bambam agreed and when they met, Mark started laughing and they hit it off. They got along so well, talking for hours and spending the whole day together. Bambam is younger than him, even younger back then and Mark felt at home with him somehow, the two of them trading conversation in English and Korean, comfortable and funny. He was Mark’s first real friend in Korea and he had been so damn grateful to find Bambam.

A few weeks after they started talking and hanging out quite regularly, Mark blurted out that Bambam should live with him and that was that. Bambam agreed immediately and the two of them lived in Mark’s awful one bedroom apartment, Bambam on a blow up mattress in his living room that Mark would randomly sleep on if he was too tired to make it to his bed.

Mark got a second job after some time, one in a clothing store where he met their third roommate, Park Jinyoung. Now, it’s a lot better for them and they managed to move into a bigger and better apartment with the money people so graciously gave them online. Jinyoung had been thrown out of his apartment when Mark asked him if he wanted to help him and Bambam find another apartment because Bambam managed to land himself a job as well and Jinyoung agreed, eager to get back on his feet and out of his friend’s couches.

Right now, Jinyoung is on the couch in comfort rather than permanent residence, glancing up from his phone when Mark comes out of his bedroom. Well,  _ their _ bedroom; he and Jinyoung room together because what would have been their third bedroom became a room for Yien and Bambi to use for their photos. But Jinyoung moves from room to room, as does Mark and Bambam, so none of them mind too much. Mark keeps his heels in Bambam’s room just like Jinyoung keeps his clothes in a dresser in Bambam’s wardrobe.

“Hello, Miss Yien,” Jinyoung greets warmly and Mark clicks his tongue at him, smiling cheekily at him. Jinyoung checks him out like Bambam did, head to toe, so Mark spins on his heel for him, smoothing down his skirt. 

“Good?” he asks and Jinyoung nods, looking back at his phone.

“If you want anything, let me know,” Jinyoung offers, scrolling again and Mark thanks him, closing the bedroom door behind him. He usually takes photos of his outfits first before he does anything else. He never changes his wig, always sticking to the classy, mature and sexy look that Yien has. Bambi is completely different but Mark likes the image he has for his persona online.

His messages already have some new ones that he’s yet to open. He flicks through his profile to see which photos have the most likes and comments, deciding on how to pose as he filters through. Some of the comments are dirty and Mark tends to roll his eyes at half of them but the majority of them are just old men calling him baby, saying they’d like to ruin him and they’re the ones in his messages sending him money so maybe the cringing is worth it if he’s getting paid.

He snaps quick photos of his outfit and throws them up on his profile. He takes one of the chairs from the desk in the room, crossing his legs smoothly and taking more photos once he sits down. He might call Jinyoung in for some teasing photos that will blow up and make his messages skyrocket because old men are very easily jealous when it’s Jinyoung’s hand on Yien’s thigh.

Jinyoung is helpful to both of them, more so Mark when he asks. He’s always been good to both of them, ever since he met them. Mark told him what he and Bambam do aside from their day jobs and Jinyoung cautiously asked him if he could show him so Mark threw his wig on and laughed with Jinyoung in the middle of the night. Jinyoung asked if Mark would put on his heels so they could see if Jinyoung’s foot could fit into them (they didn’t) and he’s been helping them ever since. He’s the reason their wigs are such good quality, because he puts the time into taking care of them and styling them. God knows Bambam won’t do it.

Yien is classy and mature, sexy and a lot more dominant than Mark likes to think he is. Yien’s persona is a way for him to express himself, he thinks, and a way to get his rent paid with a little more extra money left over. When he thinks about what he likes to show off the most, his legs are something like a gift to him. He’s not overly muscled, more lean and lithe which is why his legs look so good in tights and heels. He’s definitely taller than average girls but his figure makes up for that. He’s slim and he knows how to pose to show off what he has. 

Mark never thought he’d keep doing this when he was no longer desperate and broke but he grew to love it, especially since it’s dinner conversation between him and his roommates about how much money he’s gotten, about how a random guy online is convinced he’s in love with Bambam and needs pictures of his feet. 

But it’s not always fun, especially when either of them are threatened when they refuse things but the anonymity of it works out. Mark and Bambam are protected behind their screens and the website that they use and if anything were to happen, they have each other’s backs as well as Jinyoung who is ready to fight anyone at the drop of a hat for them. Mark would do anything for his friends and he’s yet to have to prove that but Jinyoung and Bambam know it very well, know how protective he can be over them.

There’s a notification of a transfer through the app to his bank account and he smiles, proud of it. He hasn’t even posted the photos he’s taking right now and there’s already something extra waiting for him. Maybe he’ll take his roommates out for dinner tonight. Well, maybe not  _ out _ but he’ll order them food. A nice family meal for the three of them.

He gets his photos and posts them with a flirty caption, one that he’s sure will make many swoon for Yien and locks his phone. He likes to wait, build up the suspense and desperation from the men that message him before he breaks them all down and builds them back up. Yien isn’t a woman to mess with and the lonely few that send him photos of their dicks learn that very quickly when she completely snaps. Mark is always grinning to himself by the end of it, pleased.

There’s been some characters he’s met online that make him laugh. Once, a man messaged him without any prevail and asked him if they could sext. Mark agreed out of pity and that man, Im Jaebeom, later became something akin to an online friend. Well, more a _ friends with benefits  _ thing at first. Jaebeom has a thing for dirty talk and he’s undoubtedly dominant in social situations but something about people cooing at him and making him feel small gets him going and it’s almost cute to see how far Mark can go before Jaebeom is begging. They haven’t done that in some time, not since Mark told him the truth about himself and Jaebeom replied with  _ thank God I like guys, too,  _ which made Mark giggle like a fool.

Jaebeom is the only one besides his roommates that knows what Mark does and who he really is. Jaebeom knows Yien, knows how that persona operates and how Mark uses it but he soon came to learn pieces of Mark, too. It was a relief at first for Jaebeom to know, to have that security in someone else and Jaebeom has become someone Mark actually really likes to talk to. He’s stupid, by  _ God _ is he stupid, but Mark likes that Jaebeom makes him laugh just from commenting that his hands are sexy in his most recent photos.

Speaking of Jaebeom, he’s one of the men to message Mark but it’s completely different to the sex driven horniness he usually receives in his inbox. It makes Mark smile, knowing Jaebeom has his notifications on. They have each other’s numbers but Jaebeom is rare to text him there, opting for the website more than anything.

  
  


_ DEFLORD [13:48] _

dude your legs are so LONG what the hell

i forgot how tall you are

very sexy tho 9/10

_ Yien [13:49] _

why not 10/10?

i’m disappointed. should i have tried harder?

and i’m 5’9, you know this

  
  


_ DEFLORD [13:49] _

i have to give you something to strive to don’t i?

i do know, but you’re so skinny. makes me forget

  
  


_ Yien [13:50] _

lol maybe a little. thank you though

yeah not all of us can have shoulders like yours

maybe if your back wasn’t so shit, you could top

_ DEFLORD [13:51] _

i’m going to fucking kill you

noona 

has anyone called you that one yet?

  
  


Mark laughs out loud, covering his mouth. No one has, because Jaebeom is the only one he’s met that’s younger than him on this site. Everyone he speaks to are middle aged which is a blessing in disguise because they’re  _ rich _ but Jaebeom is the exception. He has money from family inheritance because being an only child and heir to a massive corporation pays very well. It’s ridiculous because he was spending those pay cheques on girls to flirt with him online, one of those being Mark in a wig but money is money and Jaebeom is definitely someone Mark doesn’t mind talking to. He’s very attractive and to be honest, if he wasn’t so stupid, he could have Mark around his finger. But then again, that’s part of Jaebeom’s charm and also why he’s such a good friend. He’s homely.

  
  


_ Yien [13:53] _

no noona yet. mostly baby girl

if someone’s feeling bold, i get whore/slut a lot but that never lasts long

it’s actually impressive how many guys like being told they’re worthless

  
  
  


_ DEFLORD [13:54] _

to be fair, if it’s yien, i definitely don’t mind

you’re hot lol even without the wig

probs get the same amount of following if you were a dude on here

that’s an untapped market

  
  


_ Yien [13:54] _

you’re ridiculous. you wear the wig then

did you want a dick pic in return for our first conversation? you’re stupid

  
  


_ DEFLORD [13:55] _

you shouldn’t but that’d be hilarious if you replied with your own dick to one of them

also you’re stupid if you think I’m ashamed of that

  
  


_ Yien [13:55] _

i forget that you have no shame lol

thanks for the opening dick pic <3

  
  


_ DEFLORD [13:55] _

don’t fucking say it like that ugh

  
  


It’s not a sitcom but Mark sometimes feels like his life is a little too crazy. Would a network buy this story and eat it up for views? Maybe Jaebeom is right, there is a market Mark has yet to break into. Next stop, Mark Tuan steps on old men for money.

_ Wait, that’s actually a good idea, _ Mark thinks as he looks at himself in the mirror before rolling his eyes, shaking his head. His wig bounces with the movement and he grins to himself, standing up quickly. He needs to ask Bambam and Jinyoung what they want for dinner since he’s the one on duty tonight for feeding the masses. 

  
  


***

  
  


“Flat white for Youngjae?”

Youngjae stands up in a rush, taking his coffee from the busy barista that smiles at him. He ducks his head, shoving his glasses up his nose to keep them from falling onto the floor. He sits back down with his laptop, away from the rest of the cafe. He needs to get his things done and he puts his headphones back on his ears, zoning out with his coffee.

Youngjae is a college student and an okay one at that. His parents fund his college which he’s grateful for and he lives off the money he gets from odd jobs at school. He’s a teaching assistant for his major which doesn’t give him a lot of money, but it’s enough to get him through. 

That’s not to say Youngjae is broke. He made a promise that he would pay his dorm expenses when his mother offered to do so. He felt way too guilty that she and his father were already paying for his university so he promised to pay his dorm fees to at least load some of the burden off her. He puts all he can in his savings so he can at least give  _ something _ back to his parents when he graduates.

Youngjae likes what he studies but it’s difficult to juggle his time for all the things that he does. He’s glad he can live day to day and get to work and class, all that is fantastic. But he rarely sleeps a full night and it frustrates him; his eyes are always tired and he sometimes falls asleep in class but that’s what being a college student is all about. Being tired and being broke, like two peas in a pod!

He meets a lot of people in his university but it’s hard for him to name someone who he calls his friend. It’s sad to think about, so he tries not to but bad thoughts always get to you, no matter who you are. He’s not from this city, no one came with him when he moved to this university, he never knew anyone and Youngjae isn’t exactly the most sociable person on earth. Youngjae has felt it many times and it’s… damaging, to say the least, but he keeps moving along. University runs everyone down, he’s doing fine, he’s alive right now. He has to be grateful. He can’t concern himself with being lonely.

He needs to get to his university’s music rooms to record some vocals for this song now that he has the base, now that he has an effective distraction. He’s got some lyrics that he’s written over the past few days, jotting them down randomly whenever they came to him. His lyric book is covered in writing, stickers and random drawings he’s managed to come up during class. He doesn’t mind the long hours, it helps for lyric writing but it certainly doesn’t help his caffeine intake.

Youngjae packs up his things, shoving his laptop into his bag and swinging it over his shoulder. He’s glad he remembered to ask for his coffee to go but he’s barely four blocks away from the cafe before he’s finished with it, throwing it into the trash and more or less jogging to the recording rooms, eager to get into the studio so he doesn’t miss his booking. This is how he survives, he keeps himself busy and occupied.

A few people greet him on the way in, people he knows from his course out of pure familiarity but no one that could tell him his last name when asked. He bows awkwardly to them, smiling and greeting them in return, quickly slipping into his booked room to lose himself in a different time. There’s a person there, someone to help him to press record and play his music. He knows her but she’s nice enough, her name being Jimin and she smiles at him when he opens the door.

“I just need to run through the lyrics,” he tells her and she nods, taking a USB from him when he offers it. She opens up his music while Youngjae makes some final changes to his lyrics and steps into the booth, resting his book on the stand in front of the microphone. Jimin reminds him to warm up his voice before he does anything and he sheepishly smiles at her through the glass, nodding as he starts his vocal practises. It feels a little awkward to do so but Jimin doesn’t scare him like half the other studio supervisors he’s met, which he’s grateful for.

Music has always been Youngjae’s safe space, his way of expressing himself. It’s an art he’s so far from ever mastering but the uniqueness of his voice and his creativity is something he fell in love with early on, something he has never lost interest in. Just like painting or pottery, music takes more than just a thought. It’s a raw expression of one’s mind and soul and to Youngjae, it’s his best friend, his first love. When his mother sat him down in front of a piano and let him smack the keys to make his relatives laugh, he quite liked the sound. He pieced it all together and learnt how to play it, allowed the instrument to use  _ him _ and he’s never been the same since.

His safe space is with his lyric book, in the comfort of his own words as he pens them down. It’s poetry, beautiful and strong and it’s definitely not hard for him to lose himself in his work, even if it’s just for an assignment. He writes from the heart which isn’t always as grounding as it seems but it’s art and Youngjae gave himself to it so long ago that he doesn’t remember a time when he wasn’t writing in his dorm room with his stomach feeling like a blackhole as his words etched themselves onto the paper, just short of missing his few tears.

Jimin compliments him, telling him where he can improve if he wants to take the advice and he thanks her, truly pleased with the feedback. He only has an hour here and he uses it wisely, leaving with Jimin when the timer on her phone goes off. He leaves her to find his way to the piano rooms in the building because that’s his second home at this point. 

A lot of students try to waste their time before they have to return back to the dorms. There’s a curfew and if you’re not back before the gates lock, you’re out for the night. Youngjae is lucky the dorm masters like him and leave the gates open for him when he comes running back but others aren’t as cute as him.

The piano rooms, he’s slept in them all at least twice. But he can’t sleep in his room now as he only has an hour before he needs to get back to his dorm and he’s not in the mood to sprint back to the campus so it’s an hour here and then bedtime. He opens the piano case and cracks his knuckles opening his sheet music to begin playing. 

His alarm startles him when he hears it. He almost screams but slams his hand down on his phone, turning the alarm off with a sigh of relief. He sags his shoulders, yawning to himself and the trip home is a blur, his headphones back on as he makes it through the gates, heading up to his dorm. He needs food, but he has food in his dorm. He falls onto his bed and sighs, back ‘home’ and safe.

He always sits in his dorm late at night and writes. His best ideas come to him then and it’s this time now that he sits alone (as always), his pen in his hand and his book in his lap. He usually writes down random words that come to him and from there, he starts to form his poetry, his lyrics, his raw expressions.

But this time, it’s not like his normal writing sessions. He feels his mind running away from him, settling on things that  _ don’t matter _ . But they do and Youngjae finds himself writing about loneliness, about love he’s never had and it hits him like a tonne of bricks that God, he is so terribly _ alone _ . He knows a lot of people, talks to many in his day to day life but he has no one to rely on, no one to really talk to and… that’s his own fault. 

Youngjae is alone in every sense of the word.

_ Why is it this bad? _ he thinks as he takes a deep breath, pulling off his glasses, trying to convince his mind to shut up. His glasses clatter on his desk loudly and it makes him flinch, scowling to himself. He’s pathetic but self loathing won’t cure his sadness. 

He grabs his phone, hoping to distract himself with  _ something _ , whether that’s cute dogs online or random videos he finds stupidly funny. He needs something to get his mind out of the blackhole he’s created for himself but like always, his mind feeds off his words and makes him feel everything he’s writing, leaving him with no chance of separating it from himself.

It feels like everything is imploding and making Youngjaw lose his mind and he wouldn’t be surprised if he’s starting to lose it. He finds himself tearing up and he swallows, taking a shaky breath and decides to change the fact that he really has no friends. It’s stupid, it’s  _ so stupid _ , but he ends up on a random site that’s advertised for people  _ who want a little more fun _ on Instagram in an attempt to save himself from his own head. He skips the meltdown and just laughs at himself, hanging his head as he tries to regain some form of composure. He’s not on the verge of tears anymore, so that’s a plus. He can’t remember a time that he hasn’t cried in his dorm after coming home.

Youngjae closes his eyes and sighs, trying to find someone that looks nice enough to be his friend for tonight. God, this is so pathetic. He feels like a child.

Why can’t he just be content with being alone?

  
  


***

“Did you take the trash out?” Jinyoung calls to Bambam who mimics his voice obnoxiously before there’s a yelp and Mark laughs at them, hearing Bambam run from Jinyoung and grab the trash to take it downstairs.

Mark is in the living room, sorting through messages. There’s a few that flirt with him and he responds accordingly, shutting down the ones that try to dominate him right off the bat. Mark isn’t opposed to trying new things but it’s ridiculous to message someone and insult them in a ‘sexy way’, no matter their gender. He sleeps well at night knowing he’s not into that.

“I wish guys knew how to dirty talk,” Mark mutters as Jinyoung sits down next to him, flicking on the television. “It’s like, if they can’t call a girl a whore then they’ve got nothing.”

“Is that not your thing?” Jinyoung replies, not bothering to look at him as he sorts through the channels for something to watch. 

Mark shakes his head and leans his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder, glued to his phone. “No thanks. The only one I’ve actually enjoyed flirting with is Jaebeom.” He sniffs, pulling his legs up onto the couch to make himself smaller. “Well, him and a few other guys. People closer to my age seem to get it, but there’s no hope for middle aged men. It’s horrific.”

Jinyoung laughs, his face screwing up. “Hey, it’s your job.” He glances at Mark, smiling and Mark sighs, snuggling closer to him. Jinyoung is the only one that will let him cuddle up to him like this. Bambam wouldn’t touch either of them with a ten foot pole but that’s not much of a loss since he’s all bone and no cushion.

Bambam slams the door when he comes back, throwing himself into the couch as well. Jinyoung stands after a while, jostling Mark as he does because it’s his turn to make them dinner this week. Bambam stays while Mark tries to stretch himself out, standing up to crack his back. Bambam rests his feet on the coffee table, his boots shiny and clean and Mark gets thinking.

“Hey, Jinyoungie?” he calls, looking over to the kitchen. “You know how Bam sometimes lets me wear his shoes for Yien photos?”

Jinyoung lifts an eyebrow at him, pausing his cutting. “Where are you going with this…?” he mutters, pausing his herb cutting to stand up straight, meeting Mark’s gaze head on.

“Since you have such good…  _ assets _ ,” Mark smiles, shooting a wink that gets rejected by an eye roll. He walks around the kitchen counter to step closer to Jinyoung, putting on his best charms in hopes that it might make a small difference. “Would you maybe wear something for me? A skirt, and then I can post it?”

“Absolutely fucking not,” Jinyoung immediately retorts, scoffing at the mere idea of it. It’s not that Jinyoung is against guys wearing that kind of thing, Mark knows he isn’t. But  _ Jinyoung _ wearing that kind of thing is a whole other story. And it requires a whole other level of convincing.

“Why?” Mark whines despite it all, tugging on Jinyoung’s wrist but his roommate doesn’t move from his stance behind the cutting board, glaring at him.

“Hyung, I’ll  _ rip _ your skirts,” Jinyoung insists, shaking his head. “You both are so tiny. My waist is small but it’s definitely bigger than yours. And not to mention, my legs are bigger than yours and I don’t  _ shave _ them.”

“We can change that,” Bambam mumbles from his place on the couch, glancing up at them over his bright orange sunglasses. Mark dubbed them his ‘bitch glasses’ because of the sharp shape of them and the fact that when they perch on his nose, Bambam’s glares have so much more power. He doesn’t have to wear them inside but Bambam operates on another plane of existence so there’s no point in telling him to take them off.

“Come on, it’d be sexy!” Mark adds but Jinyoung shakes his head, grimacing. He’s worn their wigs as a joke before but Mark has never tried to convince him to do something like this. It’s not  _ that _ big of a deal but that’s because it’s Mark asking. 

“Hyung, drop it,” Jinyoung says, shaking his grip off him and returning to his cooking. He pointedly ignores any of Mark’s eyelash battering. He eventually leaves him alone, heaving a sigh as he slumps back into the couch, ignoring Bambam’s cheeky laugh.

“I’ll wear your skirts,” he offers but Mark just groans. If Mark has a flat ass, Bambam has nothing but bone.

“Thanks, but the two of us combined don’t even come close to the amount of ass Jinyoungie has,” Mark responds, his voice muffled by the cushion.

“I can still hear you,” Jinyoung snaps but neither of them apologise nor respond.

Jinyoung goes to work after dinner, to his second job and Mark finds himself in his bedroom. Bambam retires as well, happy to have some privacy for tonight. Mark is happy too; it’s not all the time that he and Jinyoung are able to get their bedroom to themselves. But Mark isn’t completely alone, especially with his phone and it’s getting late, which is the perfect time for people to message Yien.

There is something morally wrong with scamming old men but like an addict to a drug, Mark doesn’t have the willpower to stop. If someone is willing to pay, he’s willing to give what he’s comfortable. What people don’t know won’t hurt them and Mark walks away a little bit richer every time.

When he checks his messages on the site, there’s a message from Jaebeom that’s just him asking for his number because he got a new phone. Mark texts him because he has the same number, just a different phone and Jaebeom immediately replies with a random string of emojis, mostly palm trees and Mark sighs, smiling at his stupidity.

But there’s another notification that makes Mark frown. He usually recognises usernames and people aren’t usually creative with them so it’s easy to tell who is who. And yet, Mark frowns at his phone, confused before opening the direct message request from  _ CHOISJAE _ , as well as a deposit of twenty dollars to his account. Mark checks before anything, seeing the man’s profile and  _ oh, he’s really cute.  _ His profile picture seems like a random photo but he has a nice smile, at least. It’s low quality so Mark hopes he’ll send a better one.

The man’s message is definitely shy, saying hello to Yien and even complimenting her in a very sweet way, that makes Mark smile out of pure surprise. Yien’s usual greetings from guys consist of stupid pick up lines or ridiculously oversexual comments about how sexy her fingers are or something that makes Mark roll his eyes. That, or a dick pic but he doesn’t have to get into that again.

But this man’s message reads,  _ uhh hey.. sorry, this is really new to me but you’re really pretty. Like really pretty, it’s almost freaking me out,  _ and Mark chuckles to himself, already typing a reply to him.

  
  


_ Yien [22:29] _

thank you. but flattery won’t get you very far.

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [22:30] _

Oh i wasn’t trying to be sneaky, i really meant it

Uh. my name is youngjae…

Yien is a really nice name. 

maybe it’s because i’ve never heard it before.

  
  


_ Yien [22:30] _

not many people have.

but youngjae is a nice name, too

  
  


Mark is never this eager to reply but Youngjae is so easily flustered, even through his text messages. Yien is more reserved, a bit more blunt but he’s being quite responsive with Youngjae, texting him back almost immediately and when Mark asks why Youngjae gave him twenty dollars just to talk to him, Youngjae gets a little nervous. It’s very cute.

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [22:31] _

oh, uh… i really don’t know how these things work. 

sorry this must be really annoying for you

i’ll leave you alone sorry

  
  


_ Youngjae, stay,  _ Mark immediately sends, knowing Youngjae will. And he’s very right because Youngjae send back a  _ yes ma’am  _ and it makes Mark grin. He sits up in his bed, weirdly excited to talk to someone for once. Youngjae seems really cute and Mark wastes no time in asking him for a photo of himself, to prove that he’s not a troll. The irony isn’t lost to him but he ignores it.

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [22:34] _

just a selfie? i can do that. i’ll take one right now

it feels weird to ask but can i have one in return please?

  
  


Oh, and the photo is so  _ cute _ . Youngjae is younger, probably a few years younger than Mark which is very different for this site. His hair is soft, a nice deep blue colour and his eyes, oh, he’s so  _ cute! _ He has a mole underneath one of his eyes and Mark tells him he looks soft, not ashamed of it. He’d usually be more elusive, more mysterious but Youngjae is making him a little soft. 

_ Yien [22:39] _

there’s enough photos of me on my profile, is there not? don’t be greedy, honey

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [22:39] _

sorry

i didn’t mean to be ma’am

  
  


_ Yien [22:40] _

and what’s with this ma’am? 

is that what you call all the pretty girls you talk to?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [22:40] _

no! i just don’t know how to call you…

i don’t want to be rude ):

  
  


_ Yien [22:41] _

how old are you, youngjae? you look very young

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [22:41] _

i’m 22, 23 this year

is that young to you? you definitely don’t look old…

  
  


_ Yien [22:42] _

i’m 25, 26 this year.

you think so? you shouldn’t call me ma’am then

_ CHOISJAE [22:42] _

oh noona!

is that okay? i don’t know

  
  


Mark blinks at his phone, biting his lip to keep himself from losing his mind. If there’s one thing Mark hates more than anything, it’s admitting Jaebeom is right. He made one joke about someone calling Mark noona and now Youngjae is doing it? This feels like a prank but he knows Jaebeom isn’t smart enough for that. Youngjae isn’t a troll, he can just feel it in his gut. 

He tells Youngjae that it’s okay, more than okay because it’s respectful and he can’t even see Youngjae’s smile but it’s somehow showing through his messages. He’s not going to message Jaebeom about this because it’s not his business whether or not Mark likes being called noona. It doesn’t matter, it’s  _ fine _ .

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [22:45] _

you probably have a lot of messages but i messaged for a different reason

not anything sexual 

i really just wanted someone to talk to

i’m really out of my element

  
  


_ Yien [22:45] _

then let’s talk.

what do you want to talk about?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [22:45] _

are you sure? it’s not… a happy element

do you really want to talk to me?

  
  


_ Yien [22:48] _

you messaged me, didn’t you?

and i replied to you with my own will, so i think you have your answer

i’ll listen to you

  
  


Mark would never do this. If Jaebeom had messaged him like this at first, he probably would have left him on read or told him to go text any other pretty girl because he doesn’t have time to be some random man’s therapist. But Youngjae complimented Yien so nicely and Mark is completely hooked on it. He loves variety and Youngjae is already so different from his usual conversations. He didn’t anticipate how much he’d like someone calling him noona but that’s something he doesn’t need to think about right now. 

When Youngjae starts talking to him, telling him a little bit about his sorrows, Mark keeps the conversation going until Jinyoung comes home. He was right, it wasn’t a happy element but Youngjae is purely just lonely and that’s not far from the clientele that Mark comes into contact with on a daily basis. But lonely for Youngjae is having no friends, not needing someone to talk dirty to him for their own satisfaction.

They talk for almost two hours, nearing midnight before Youngjae tells him he needs to sleep right when the bedroom door opens. Mark yelps, staring at Jinyoung who stares right back at him.

“What the fuck?” Jinyoung hisses and Mark stutters a reply, trying to reply to Youngjae while glancing at his roommate in surprise.

_ Goodnight noona, thank you _ , Youngjae says to him and Mark doesn’t think when he replies with,  _ Sleep well baby. _ He looks back at his message with wide eyes before heaving a sigh because he really doesn’t care. There’s a lot he’d call Youngjae so he doesn’t need to overthink any of it. Jinyoung sits on the edge of their shared bed (it’s the only one that would fit in the room), taking off his shoes and leaving them there.

“New guy,” Mark tells him after a few moments of silence, even though Jinyoung never asked him. “His name is Youngjae.”

“Sounds nice,” Jinyoung replies, laying himself down next to Mark who locks his phone and leaves it on his bedside table. He hesitates before lifting himself to look Mark in the eye. “Don’t tell me you have an erection or I’m seriously going to move out.”

“It was nothing like that,” Mark chuckles, tangling his fingers into Jinyoung’s hair to pull him back down. “We just talked. Like, that was it. He was lonely so I kept him company.”

Jinyoung yawns, closing his eyes. “Isn’t everyone lonely?” he mumbles, already close to falling asleep. Work must have been hard for him tonight.

Mark purses his lips, letting Jinyoung move and cuddle into him, their positions from a few hours prior reversed. Neither of them mind but Mark doesn’t reply to Jinyoung’s comment. They don’t need words to acknowledge that Jinyoung is right. And yet, Mark still gave Youngjae his time and he strangely doesn’t regret it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i recommend that if you have not hear TRAUMA by youngjae (ARS) then you should listen to it. i mention it in this chapter and though it's not required for you to listen so you know what im actually talking about, it would help!  
> happy reading!
> 
> thank you again to my friend for editing ): <3

Mark doesn’t space out very often, not when he’s wide awake and glaring at a wall. He has things to do, errands to run but he’s stuck in his head at home, thinking and thinking.

He keeps thinking about Youngjae, about what Jinyoung said. Sure, everyone's a little lonely. But Youngjae… he can’t stop thinking about him. Why message Yien? If he’s lonely, why doesn’t he find someone to keep him company in the waking world, not over the phone in Mark’s messages? Does he really have no one?

He normally wouldn’t think about this in so much depth. If someone is lonely, it’s just another pay cheque for him which sounds abrupt and rude but it’s true. It’s not his job to let people vent to him and recover using his words. Mark selfishly takes advantage of people because they give it to him in exchange for his skills and that’s the end of it. In a way, he’s everyone’s dirty little secret but Youngjae didn’t want any of that, so why the hell is Mark so stuck on this?

Jaebeom is the only one that Mark has ever spoken to about that kind of thing. Because Jaebeom is a friend now; he came to Mark as just another one of the men he scams like the con artist he is and now he’s one of Mark’s closest friends but that’s  _ Jaebeom _ . Not Youngjae.

God, why is he dwelling over this so much? Youngjae is just a kid in college that gives him money in exchange for talking. The same as the rest; money for his time. It’s a little weird but it’s not as if Mark is going to refuse money. He’s not doing this whole catfish situation out of the goodness of his heart. He’s doing it for his own sick pleasure and satisfaction in scamming people because he knows he’s good at it.

“Can you come help me, hyung?” Bambam asks from the kitchen, effectively pulling Mark out of his trance. He stands up blindly, taking his time when his legs wobble from their lack of use.

When he’s in the kitchen with Bambam, it quickly turns into a cooking lesson because even though Bambam tries, he’s not as skilled Mark or Jinyoung. But they have days assigned for them to make dinner for their apartment members. Thursdays are Bambam’s day because Mark and Jinyoung work. It’s nice to come home to a cooked meal and sometimes, Bambam needs help to make it extra special, so Mark doesn’t mind.

It’s a Thai dish that Mark won’t bother trying to pronounce but it’s nice and the spices make Mark’s mouth water. Bambam always makes his food extra spicy, knowing he loves it and on the odd occasion (namely on Mark’s birthday), Jinyoung likes to try his hand at western food and absolutely nothing beats Jinyoung’s pancakes.

“Are you okay?” Bambam asks as Mark takes the knife from him to cut the chicken while Bambam prepares the marinate. “You look confused.”

“No, I’m okay," Mark glances at him, managing a smile. “I’ll tell you after. But how are you?”

Bambam smiles, mixing his ingredients. “Yeah, I’m good, hyung. Don’t worry.”

Mark nods and they finish preparing what they need in silence, comfortable. Bambam has always been somewhat of a little brother to Mark ever since they met and he’s always been happy around him. His mind is immediately put at ease when they're together, sometimes in the worst way because Bambam never stresses about  _ anything _ even when he really should but he calms Mark down when he’s overthinking so he’s grateful for it.

And yet, as soon as Mark sits down after washing his hands, closing his eyes to rest, it comes rushing back to him. Bambam was a good distraction for a while but he’s still  _ thinking _ .

“Bam,” he suddenly calls once his roommate walks past him in the living room, making his way to sit down on the couch. “Do you know someone named Choisjae?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Bambam frown. Mark finally tears his eyes away from the wall to look at him as he starts talking. “Uh, I don’t think so? I don’t really pay attention to the usernames, they’re all kind of boring.” He pulls out his phone to check, pursing his lips as he scrolls through the contacts in his messages but shakes his head. “No, I don’t see him anywhere. He doesn’t follow me, either.”

Mark pulls out his phone as well and checking Youngjae’s profile answers his question. He’s only following Yien and has nothing else on his profile. There’s no other girls attached to his account, nothing much of a description either aside from his name. Youngjae is just… following Yien. That should be weird, right?

“Why are you asking?” Bambam questions, crossing his legs. His face melts into a scowl. “Is he bothering you?”

“No, nothing like that…” Mark lets his voice trail off, letting Bambam’s protective streak die down, thankfully. How lonely do you have to be to go on a sugar baby app to contact probably the first girl you see and ask her to chat? It doesn’t sound that weird but… Youngjae should be more attracted to Bambi, shouldn’t he? Bambi is sweet and cute, just like Youngjae. Why would he message Yien, a woman who looks hard edged and bitchy, just to talk about his problems?

And Mark didn’t mind it! For twenty dollars, Mark listened to a random man on the internet about his problems! Men drop something close to a hundred dollars just to compliment his stockings and Mark let Youngjae rant to him for  _ twenty _ ? Fuck, whatever. If Youngjae only wants to talk to Yien then that’s his choice. Mark doesn’t need to overthink things, not when it’s no concern of his how Youngjae wants to spend his free time. 

But Youngjae… well, to be frank, he’s broke. If college hasn’t already sucked every last penny out of him, it seems that Mark just might. Is it weird that Mark finds it strangely endearing that Youngjae sends him money just to talk to him? It’s wrong, and he should say no, but the odd numbers make him laugh and just thinking about it makes him smile.

“Hey, did you get Jinyoung-hyung’s text?” Bambam asks, nudging Mark’s leg with his foot. “He wants to know if you’re still coming to pick him up tonight. His shift ends early, at midnight. His sister has his car, remember?”

Mark totally forgot that he agreed to do so but Bambam is never not on his phone so if either him or Jinyoung are struggling to contact each other, Bambam is the one they go to. Mark rarely answers phone calls and Jinyoung refuses to let anyone besides Mark drive him around since Bambam failed his license and never tried again.

“Tell him I’ll be there early,” he says, rubbing his face in hopes it will get him out of this weird funk. “Need to get out of the house for a bit.”

Mark doesn’t usually go out in public in a wig and a skirt but tonight, he’s really not feeling like being himself. While a cap and mask would be much easier, he’s in the mood to feel nice, to feel pretty, and being dressed as Yien gives him that exact effect. It’s more work but Jinyoung keeps his wig so clean and soft that he doesn't mind slicking his red hair back into a wig cap and putting it on. It’s high quality and he might as well get his money’s worth of it.

Bambam looks at him before he leaves, raising his eyebrows with a smile. He’s always the one to check Mark before he does anything, fluffing up his wig or straightening his sleeves. Right now, he’s shoving Mark’s shirt into his skirt that’s definitely not his.

“I better have my skirt back by midnight or I’ll cut holes in your tank tops where your nipples are,” he threatens, giving Mark a dirty look.

“Jokes on you, I’d like that,” Mark retorts, pinching his thigh on the way out just to make him yelp.

Jinyoung’s second job is rather quiet. It’s a bar, open until three in the morning on weekdays and Jinyoung is one of his manager’s favourites. He’s good with customers and isn’t afraid to throw someone out when they disrupt the atmosphere and Mark quite likes the workplace. If it were a regular club, he wouldn’t dare to go out dressed how he is but there’s no one to grab him or snatch his wig off when he steps foot into the bar, his three inch heels clicking on the polished wood floors.

He sees Jinyoung and greets him warmly. Mark is immediately at ease in his presence, safe with his friend, and relaxes his spine as he sits at the bar. Jinyoung sets a glass of soda down in front of him and touches his hand softly for comfort.

“Good to see you,” he greets and Mark smiles, flicking his hair over his shoulder with a smug smile.

Mark looks around, sensing the empty atmosphere of the bar. “Am I the only one here?”

“Not the only one,” Jinyoung says, smiling strangely. Mark throws him a look, confused but still happy to see him pleased.

Mark taps his glass softly as he shifts in his seat, hearing the door of the bar open. He pays it no mind, it’s probably another employee coming to relieve Jinyoung but he glances to the side when someone steps up to the bar.

It’s almost comical what happens next. Mark’s life really must be a sitcom because sitting on the only other occupied bar stool is none other than Im Jaebeom himself, in the flesh. 

His long hair shines prettily in the low light and he looks picture perfect. He’s fiddling with his phone and Mark now understands what Jinyoung meant by his comment. 

Mark's lips quirk, trying to keep his amusement in check as he steps out of his chair, hoping the sound of his heels won’t give him away. Once close enough, not yet touching Jaebeom, he leans against the bartop with a grin. Countless people have done this before, trying to play it cool around someone they’d like to bring home and here’s Mark doing it as Yien to Jaebeom, his friend with way too much money and not enough brain.

But unfortunately, Jaebeom is a little slow to realise there’s someone next to him and it takes Mark sighing heavily (not to mention deliberately) to finally look up. Jaebeom drops his phone out of surprise at someone being so close to him, trying to utter an apology for blatantly ignoring Mark before their eyes meet. A couple of seconds pass before Jaebeom’s eyebrows rise, turning completely in his seat, his perfect face breaking into a wide and surprised smile that makes his eyes disappear into crescents. 

Mark finds himself smiling back easily despite his earlier annoyance, completely comfortable as he slots himself into Jaebeom’s arms, as if they’ve been old friends for so long. “Hello to you too, Beomie,” he laughs, cuddling himself into Jaebeom’s shoulder.

“Nice to meet you, Yien,” Jaebeom whispers in his ear, smile clear in his voice. 

They’ve never met before but the odd familiarity makes him smile as Jaebeom’s arms wrap around his waist and yeah, Jaebeom really is as broad as he looks in photos. He’s warm and smells a little like expensive whiskey but he’s cautious of where he touches and it makes Mark feel safe. He’s thought about meeting Jaebeom many times before and somehow, this reality never fit into his mind. Still, it feels authentic and sweet. It feels like Jaebeom.

Jinyoung has gone silent and when Mark looks at him, he doesn’t look pleased. His brows are furrowed and his mouth is in a tight line. Neither of them connected that Mark’s Jaebeom was Jinyoung’s too so it’s without a doubt… irritating to find out like this. All Jinyoung knows about Jaebeom from Mark is that he’s an idiot with a heart of gold who’s terribly lonely which is why he spends his not so hard earned money on girls like Yien. Mark didn’t really make him out to be a good guy and now that Jinyoung has connected it all, it honestly seems like Jaebeom is just a rich player.

“So you’re the annoying flirty guy Jinyoungie keeps telling me about,” Mark responds instead, keeping his hold around Jaebeom’s shoulders as he settles into the chair next to him. He releases him once Jaebeom pulls away completely, resting his hand on Mark’s leg. It’s comfortable but Mark doesn’t miss the way Jinyoung stiffens out of the corner of his eye.

Jinyoung raises his eyebrows at them when Mark meets his gaze and frowns for a moment before shaking his head. “Yien, you have some explaining to do.” 

_ He doesn’t sound happy.  _ “He’s a friend,” Mark explains, raising his eyebrows in return. 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, not buying it. “Seriously?” his roommate directs to Jaebeom, clearly irritated. “You sext her and then flirt with me?” 

Jaebeom is the one rolling his eyes this time, though its playful despite the mood, his nails thrumming on the benchtop and Mark’s mouth almost waters when his silver rings catch the lights. “You never give me anything in return. Sorry I had to find help elsewhere.”

“‘Help’?” Jinyoung mocks, air quoting before putting his hands on his hips. “Just call it sexting, fucking hell. I should be grateful I’ve never seen your messages to her.” He steps away from them to dry a few wine glasses that have been freshly washed, clearly frustrated.

“I’ll talk to him tonight,” Mark tells Jaebeom softly when the man visibly deflates at Jinyoung’s words. He'd get over himself soon enough, since he’s not usually one to overreact but it’s obviously not a nice feeling from Jinyoung's perspective. Mark and Jaebeom have an arrangement, much different to what Jinyoung may think.

“He never told me the names of his roommates,” Jaebeom says quietly, defeated. “I guess you and I were a lot closer than we originally thought… But why the… everything?” He gestures to Mark’s outfit before he drops his hand, trying to change the subject.

Mark shrugs, taking Jaebeom’s hand to hold it as he crosses his legs, his skirt slipping against his stockings. He likes affection and Jaebeom likes receiving it, that much is obvious. They know their boundaries and Mark is content to have someone hold him for the time being. “Didn’t feel like being myself tonight,” he replies, eyes on Jaebeom’s rings again.  _ He really is rich,  _ he thinks as he reaches a hand up to run his fingers through Jaebeom’s mullet, not missing the earrings and other adornments as he does so. It makes him preen and Mark smiles at him.

Jinyoung steps up to the bar again and thankfully, he doesn’t look as pissed as before but his tone is rather passive aggressive and it makes Mark sigh. “Should we invite Mister Im home with us, too? He’s rich, maybe he can pay off my student debt.”

“How much is your debt?” Jaebeom asks, ignoring the obvious innuendo. He’s completely serious and Jinyoung huffs a sudden laugh at him, rolling his eyes. Well, that says a lot if Jaebeom can make him laugh while he’s upset with him.

“Sorry, it’s Mark that takes the money in this business relationship.” None of them catch him on the name slip, which is the final penny drop of Mark’s fake identity. It’s funny to share a secret between them all when Mark is still in his wig and skirt.

“Keep going and I won’t pay your water bill,” Mark mutters, glaring at him for a moment before his face melts into a smile as Jinyoung’s eye twitches. He glances at Jaebeom who’s swaying a little in his seat and squeezes his hand to bring him back, pouting a little. “Hey, are you drunk? On our first date, too…”

Jaebeom laughs, his shoulders shaking but he doesn’t say anything. Mark lets go of his hand to slip into his arms again because he knows that when Jaebeom gets drunk, he gets lonely, just from experience. It’s Mark who Jaebeom texts in the middle of the night, asking for sweet words and maybe a not so innocent voice call. But they haven’t done that in months because Mark isn’t Jaebeom’s baby girl anymore, even though he never was. Mark would rather be caught dead than let Jaebeom call him that.

He still settles himself between Jaebeom’s legs, facing the bar so that he can rest his chin on Mark’s shoulder. He pulls his hair to one side and can tell Jaebeom finds comfort in him, snuggling into his neck, the scent of whiskey strong on his breath. Mark holds his arms against his stomach, safe and  _ here _ .

“Do you want a lift home?” Mark asks softly. Jinyoung’s no doubt had to deal with Jaebeom being drunk more than Mark has. It’s a different effect, a different feeling but he doesn’t find it upsetting. This is Jaebeom, in the flesh, and the thought makes Mark smile softly. He’d rather deal with a drunk Jaebeom than leave a stranger to take care of him.

“No,” Jaebeom mumbles, more into his neck than into the air. It makes Mark shiver. “I’ll call a cab. I don’t… think I live close to you.”

Jinyoung speaks before Mark can, resting himself on the bar top. “Please get home safe, Jaebeom. I cut you off, but you’re a terrible drunk.”

“If you give me your number, I will,” Jaebeom snarks, though he smiles at him from Mark’s neck, who takes the opportunity to slip away, not eager to get in the way of whatever spat Jinyoung and Jaebeom will have. 

But Jinyoung rests his hand on Jaebeom’s when the man offers it, tangling their fingers for a moment. Jinyoung is pulling away a moment after, leaving Mark to wonder just how much his roommate downplays his work flirting. He’s heard of the few that come into Jinyoung’s work to chat with him but he’s questioning Jinyoung when Jaebeom is away from them, tucked into a cab destined for home.

“So,” both of them say in unison before Mark snorts at him, going to speak first.

“Nice guy.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t you fucking know,” Jinyoung scoffs, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets as they walk to Mark’s car. His scowl is back but Mark knows he’s not actually upset. Well, not as much as before. “But yeah, he is. Outrageously stupid, but sweet. Just like you said when you met him.” His words aren’t the nicest, more bitter than Mark expected but it’s nothing he can’t fix.

Mark smiles, slipping his arm through Jinyoung’s to cuddle into him. He’s grateful his roommate lets him do so. “He’s nice. Just to let you know, he is the Jaebeom you’re thinking of but we haven’t talked like  _ that _ in a long time. I didn’t know  _ he _ was one of your bar flirts, though. Good choice.”

Jinyoung keeps quiet, his eyes fixated in front of him. Mark only steps away from him so he can open his car and they can pile in. “In the moment, I thought he was playing me,” he says softly once they’re inside, fiddling with his hands in his lap. “I guess… I guess I got jealous.”

“And you can admit it,” Mark returns, surprised. “I’m proud of you, Jinyoungie. But you really should kiss him before he finds another girl.”

“Shut up,” Jinyoung groans, rolling his eyes as Mark giggles, high pitched and pretty.

Meeting Jaebeom felt good, comfortable and sweet but at the same time, it was like an out of body experience. He should meet up with him again to actually talk but that’s for future Mark to worry about. For now, he only knows that it was nice to be held by someone expensive and caring. That, and Jinyoung may or may not fancy a rich man with silver rings and a damn mullet but that’s for them to discuss later.

“You don’t have to be Yien to come meet me,” Jinyoung whispers as Mark pulls out of the back street to start their journey home. “I don’t care if you wear sweatpants or whatever.”

“I know, Jinyoungie,” Mark smiles, patting his leg. “I just… I don’t know, I didn’t feel like being me, I guess. I got into my own head.

Jinyoung nods, patting his hand. He doesn’t say anything more but his answer is given when he’s the one holding Mark when they go to sleep after greeting Bambam in the kitchen who’s scoffing down ramen. Mark rolls himself over and Jinyoung slips his arms around his waist, his face tucked into his back.

Jinyoung is his silent comfort and Mark is forever grateful for it. 

Mark wakes up to a message from Jaebeom that’s a string of apologies and weird emojis that make him smile. Jinyoung has left him, and instead arguing with Bambam over a show that they share an interest in.

  
  


_ Rich man JB [09:12] _

i remember last night. sorry. 

can we meet up again sometime?

  
  


_ Mark [11:02] _

yeah sure

and don’t worry about it lol

i didn’t mind too much

  
  


Mark makes his way out into the kitchen, only to find Bambam has made him a coffee that has long since gone cold. But he drinks it anyway, grateful and Bambam throws him a peace sign when Mark calls out a thank you.

There’s a message on his phone when he returns to his room and Mark is already giving a tired smile when he sees it’s from Youngjae. He’d be in class by now, or at least he should be and Mark responds accordingly.

  
  


***

  
  


_ Yien [11:09] _

good morning youngjae.

you should be in class, should you not?

Youngjae finds himself flushing when he reads her text, taking a breath. He  _ is _ in class but that’s the whole reason he messaged Yien in the first place, two weeks after their original conversation. He’s bored and needs something to keep him awake so if texting and the threat of getting caught is what is going to do it, Youngjae is down to try it.

_ Yeah, I’m in class, _ he replies to Yien, glancing up as his professor repeats something he already explained. Seems like Youngjae isn’t the only one that’s not paying much attention. Not that that’s a  _ good  _ thing but it saves Youngjae a little bit of guilt.  _ But… I guess I wanted someone to talk to again. I’m struggling to keep awake. _

_ The novelty of being a university student,  _ Yien replies in her usual fashion and Youngjae sighs, hating the truth of it.  _ But do you not sleep? _

This is probably the most Yien has ever questioned him in the two times they’ve spoken prior to this. But Youngjae doesn’t mind. Even though Yien comes off as cold and bitter, she talks to him and doesn’t make him seem like an inconvenience. She replies when she wants to and Youngjae is grateful for her questions, whenever it comes up in conversation.

They manage to talk for Youngjae’s entire class and he heads out with his head down, his professor calling out that they have an assignment due on a date that doesn’t register in Youngjae’s mind.  _ It’ll be posted on the school’s page, _ he thinks as he crosses his fingers. He hopes to God it will be.

Yien’s message makes him smile when he checks his phone again, inside his dorm since today is a half day for him until he has to go to the library to study.  _ What do you major in, Youngjae? _

He noticed very quickly that Yien isn’t one to release much information about herself. He knows her name, age and that her favourite colour is red, only because Youngjae said his was as well. But she asks a lot of questions and keeps the conversation running even though there can be large breaks in her texts, obviously occupied with other things. Youngjae doesn’t really mind that she’s probably talking to a load of other guys about…  _ things _ . It’s not his concern.

It’s not like Yien owes him anything. He asked to speak to her and she always brings up the strange amounts of money he sends her just to tease him. Youngjae thought it would be embarrassing but it makes him laugh when he sees her texts that are just  _??? _ after he sends six dollars and four cents.

_ I major in music theory and piano, _ Youngjae answers and Yien praises him for being so diligent. He tells her it’s nothing much, that he doesn’t really work that hard because he was raised to be humble but her compliments make him smile. Sometimes, it’s nice to be acknowledged for how much he does, for how much time he spends on each little thing in his life. It almost makes it worth the struggles.

_ Yien [13:46] _

how many years have you studied? i don’t speak to many people your age

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [13:46] _

am i really that young?

and i’m in my second year. three year course

i want to go into audio engineering, specifically

_ Yien [13:47] _

you’re young to me, lol

what will that get you?

i don’t mean to be brash but is there really much in music?

  
  


Youngjae swallows, the weight of the message really setting in. There is much in music, he wants to say but at the same time, there’s little to nothing. You’re lucky to get recognised and praised for your work and the people Youngjae look up to are the lucky ones. They’re the ones still breathing and he’s at the bottom of the barrel, struggling to get through to the light that shines in. Even in his moment of despair, of ground shattering realisation, he lifts his pen and writes down what he’s thinking.

Yien isn’t out of pocket for asking such a question. Youngjae’s asked himself that question so many damn times and it was what made him want to prove to his parents that he could do it. He wanted to make them proud but there’s a lot more to it than that. No matter how hard he works, it’s all dependent on whether someone wants to hear him, wants to lend him their thoughts and love. He’ll never be famous like the artists he loves but he wonders if being in the shadows for the rest of his career will really satisfy him.

And it makes him snort to himself, because he’s having a crisis from a simple question asked by a girl he’s never even met, a girl that he knows next to nothing about in his phone. She barely knows him, he barely knows her, and yet she still asks a question he hates to hear, even from his parents.

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [13:55] _

i want to defend and say that there is

_ Yien [13:55] _

...but?

_ CHOISJAE [13:57] _

it sounds empty to say it now

_ Yien [13:57] _

if you love it then don’t give it up

it might sound empty to you, but this is your passion, isn’t it?

_ CHOISJAE [13:59] _

it feels too early for a crisis noona

_ Yien [14:00] _

then don’t have one honey

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [14:00] _

it’s funny that you’re giving me advice

you don’t even know what i sound like

what if i’m bad?

_ Yien [14:01] _

show me then and i’ll be the judge

would you really have gotten this far if you were bad?

i don’t like to wait. and i hate surprises, so get it over with

  
  


Youngjae laughs at the bluntness and swallows his nerves, sending an old audio file he has on his phone. The song is called  _ Trauma _ and he wrote it last year, recorded it in a few nights, alone in the studio after sneaking in after hours. A ballad song he spent hours on only to keep it in his phone… He wonders if it was even worth it to record it but he still has a soft spot for it and he sends it to Yien without anything else to say, unsure of how it will be perceived by her. 

Yien doesn’t text him for a few hours, busy with something. 

Youngjae tries not to let it bother him, but he’s never been good at hiding from himself.

  
  


***

Mark blinks at his phone, the song ending slowly and leaving him in the silence of his bedroom, alone and feeling small.

He blinks again and recognises the feeling of melancholy surging through his veins. This isn’t his sadness but Youngjae managed to convey it in a way that makes him understand, that makes him  _ want _ to understand.  _ Trauma  _ isn’t a long song but it only took three minutes for Mark to question everything he thought he knew about Youngjae and throw it out the window.

He has to go to work, he’s already late and he’s in his car with the song back on, listening again. He’s completely stunned that someone can sound this good and be so young but Mark supposes there’s a lot he’s yet to learn about the world. Youngjae is in college and is able to produce this? Just for fun? Mark had to believe he was talented to spend two years in a music based course but this… 

It leaves him to wonder for a full five hours shift about what else Youngjae can do. Did he play the piano for the song too? Did he mix the whole thing and keep it on his phone for safe keeping? Who else knows about the song? What else can he play? Does he have any more songs? Mark wants to hear them all.

But when he’s back home and in his room again, Jinyoung nowhere to be found and Bambam already napping on the couch, he realises his awful mistake.

Mark never replied.

_ Youngjae, it’s beautiful, _ he struggles to type, hoping that the six hours he left between their messages isn’t as bad as it seems. Mark is known to keep guys waiting but that’s to do with  _ sex _ , not someone pouring their heart out into a fucking song and giving him a chance to listen to it because it came up in conversation. They’re strangers, two people who have never met and barely talked and yet Mark doesn’t want to screw this up again. Youngjae gave him something personal in confidence and Mark ignored him on accident.

  
  


_ Yien [20:03] _

Youngjae, it’s beautiful

sorry, i had something i had to take care of

it’s seriously beautiful, beyond beautiful even 

you’re extremely talented

  
  


This is probably the most sincere that Mark has ever let Yien be with Youngjae, with  _ anyone _ . They’ve been talking for almost two weeks now, on and off whenever either of them can, sometimes with days worth of gaps in between replies. Mark either has work or is asleep and Youngjae is either studying or doing a nameless job that he fails to tell Mark about every time he asks.

He’s sweet and a little naive but Youngjae has a lot more to him than what he’s letting on. It makes him feel like a cat chasing a mouse to play with it and he can definitely play along. Compared to his usual conversations on the website, Youngjae is a breath of fresh air.

But considering Mark left him hanging for more than a few hours, he deserves to wait for Youngjae’s reply. He keeps playing the audio, mesmerised and Jinyoung steps into the room when it’s on loud speaker, making him frown for a moment.

“Nice song,” he comments, trying to find a jacket in the pile of clothes all over their floor. “Who’s it by?”

Mark checks the file name and reads, “Trauma, by ARS. He’s… It’s Youngjae.”

“The kid who messaged you last week?” Jinyoung sniffs a few of Mark’s clothes before scoffing and throwing them in the washing basket. He’s a neat freak and admittedly, Mark is too, but he’s been a bit slack lately. 

“Two weeks ago,” Mark mumbles, playing the song again. “But yeah. He’s really good, isn’t he?” He doesn’t know why he’s asking; Youngjae is incredible. He doesn’t need Jinyoung’s omnipinience to confirm that.

But Jinyoung nods, pursing his lips. “Yeah, he’s good,” he echoes, finally finding his jacket with a quiet  _ aha! _ “Did he send it to you? That’s… out of the ordinary for your clients.”

“Tell me about it.” Mark’s voice is quiet and he draws his legs up to his body as Jinyoung leaves him alone, leaving the bedroom door open a crack. Bambam isn’t home and Jinyoung has to run some errands before spending the night at his sister’s. 

But Youngjae does answer after an hour and it’s sweet, his thanks coming in multiple messages as he tries to remain humble and Mark smiles at his phone.

_ Yien [21:13] _

you’re welcome

how long have you been singing?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [21:13] _

since i could talk, it feels

i’ve been playing the piano since i was eight

have you ever played anything noona?

  
  


_ Yien [21:14] _

guitar once upon a time

so it was you playing the piano in the song then

you’re full of surprises honey

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [21:15] _

isn’t everyone?

  
  


Mark licks his lips as he read the message, deciding that Youngjae is right. There’s more to himself than he’s letting on but Youngjae doesn’t need to know that. This won’t last so Mark may as well entertain it for as long as he can. When it comes crashing down, he hopes he won’t mind so much.

  
  


***

_ Yien [01:22] _

can’t sleep?

  
  


Youngjae rubs a hand over his face, trying to stop himself from crying. It’s been on and off since he got back to his dorm and though he’s emotionally and physically exhausted, his brain will not let him drift away. The human body works in mysterious ways but Youngjae really wishes his own would stop making him think.

_ Yeah, something like that, _ he responds to Yien and he has to be a little grateful that she can calm him down a little. But the weight of college is weighing on him and as the due dates come closer, all the more stress it brings. It will be his mid semester break soon and he desperately prays he won’t have to ask for an extension to complete his work.

_ What’s on your mind, honey? _ is Yien’s reply and Youngjae sighs at the name, letting himself be cooed over for right now. He never thought it would be nice to be called something like that but Yien seems to have an effect on him that he doesn’t like to put into words. She’s kind, in a roundabout way, and her pet names don’t come off as condescending which Youngjae is grateful for, even in his state of weakness.

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [01:23] _

just assignments, mainly

i’m scared of failure

i don’t want to screw up this song

  
  


_ Yien [01:24] _

is it the one you sent me?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [01:24] _

different one noona

did you really like my song that much? lol

  
  


_ Yien [01:26] _

your voice is beautiful

i’m not an idiot, i can recognise talent

why do you doubt yourself so much?

  
  


Youngjae swallows. Why  _ does _ he doubt himself so much? Everyone is afraid of failing, he’s not a minority there but why is it so soul crushing to him? He’s worked so hard to get to where he is but his fears have never been confronted like this. He’s never put his finger on the problem to identify it and now that he has, it’s freaking him out more.

Maybe it’s because he doesn’t know what will happen if he does fail. His parents will be disappointed, he thinks, and that hurts more than anything even though he was never doing this for them in the first place. Youngjae wonders when his passion stopped being his and became a need for validation from others.

_ Am I weak for doubting myself? _ He types but deletes the message immediately. Yien doesn’t know him; she doesn’t know anything aside from what he’s shared with her and vice versa. And she most definitely does not owe him a therapy session. Again, she doesn’t owe him anything. That, too makes him feel pathetic. He only talks to her when he’s desperate and alone, when he needs someone to distract him and Yien has never said otherwise but Youngjae feels guilty for using her in such a way.

So he apologises, but Yien tells him to stop talking. She can make him shut up with one text and it makes Youngjae’s brain come to a screeching halt for the first time that night.

  
  


_ Yien [01:30] _

i’ve told you before, have i not?

yes i don’t owe you anything

but if i didn’t want to speak to you then i wouldn’t

you talk too much. it makes you stupid

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [01:31] _

but i don’t want this is only be when i feel like shit

don't have worries of your own?

i hate taking from people and not giving back, is what i’m getting at

and im sorry for doing that to you

  
  


_ Yien [01:34] _

youngjae honey we don’t know each other

neither of us owe each other anything

but that makes it better, doesn’t it?

if i’m your outlet, then so be it

  
  


_ You shouldn’t be, _ Youngjae replies but Yien sounds like she’s laughing when her reply says,  _ Let me be the judge of that, honey. _ It’s strange that Youngjae can sometimes hear her voice when she says things to him, despite not knowing what it sounds like. But her tones are easy to decipher and Youngjae feels a lot calmer after releasing some steam with her, letting his mind finally settle down.

  
  


_ Yien [01:38] _

when your assignment is finished, send it to me

i want to hear you sing, little bird

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [01:38] _

i will

but noona… why little bird?

  
  


_ Yien [01:38] _

you sound so sweet, just like one

a little round bird with that blue hair

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [01:39] _

my brother said i look like an otter though

i like it when you say it though

thank you noona

  
  


_ Yien [01:39] _

an otter? i think i can see it

you’ll have to convince me, though

send me more photos of yourself?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [01:40] _

noona is sneaky

in the morning, i will

  
  


_ Yien [01:42] _

hmm you know i don’t like to wait, but i will for now

but we both should sleep, you especially

so goodnight youngjae, please get some rest

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [01:42] _

goodnight noona

i will

thank you again

_ Yien [01:45] _

you’re welcome honey

  
  


Youngjae locks his phone and takes a breath, finally closing his eyes for the night. He’s surprised when sleep comes easily and he smiles, his mind finally at ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

“What size foot do you wear?”

Mark blinks at Jaebeom over the clothes rack and frowns at him. The younger stares back for a few moments, completely serious, before he stutters out a weird apology after realising what he just asked. He pinches the bridge of his nose and Mark laughs at him, telling him what size  _ shoe _ he wears and Jaebeom nods, his cheeks flushed. It isn't often that Jaebeom gets embarrassed but when he does, it's a prime opportunity to bully him.

Shopping together wasn’t their first choice but it somehow fits the best for the two of them. Sitting in a cafe and chatting like two gossiping old ladies doesn’t suit them at all but Jaebeom spending money  _ definitely _ suits them. Mark doesn’t mind even though he has more than enough clothes at home; Jaebeom likes going places so Mark will tag along for the ride.

“Have you ever genuinely considered being a sugar daddy?” Mark asks curiously as he pulls out a jacket and holds it up to Jaebeom’s chest, trying to see if it will fit his broad shoulders. It’s a simple black leather jacket and it looks  _ very _ good on Jaebeom. 

“No, I can’t say I have,” Jaebeom replies, rolling his eyes. “And I have enough jackets.” He eases the coathanger back onto the rack, ignoring Mark’s pout. “But this will fit you nicely.” He pulls out a turtleneck, white and soft and Mark clutches it, happy with the texture against his fingers. He is right, it will fit nicely. Maybe a little snug across his chest but nothing that would make him uncomfortable.

“You don’t usually wear turtlenecks…” Jaebeom mumbles before he smiles again, laying it over his arm. There’s no use in Mark protesting Jaebeom buying it for him because he’ll just pay him any money he spends back to him, as he's threatened to do so before. But Jaebeom likes accessories so he’d much rather rings and nice piercings compared to a pair of fancy shoes. Even then, Mark doesn’t think he wears anything besides his slides and timberlands.

They end up in the ladies section, Jaebeom looking bored and Mark surveying what might fit him just from looks alone. Some would be good for Bambam, especially the summer dress he manages to find and Jaebeom agrees, feeling the material between his fingers.

Jaebeom stops Mark from flicking through the rack and pulls out a pretty pencil skirt, a deep red in colour and Jaebeom wastes no time, pressing it against Mark’s waist to see. He nods once, twice before smiling, laying it over his arm. Jaebeom is definitely his new favourite shopping partner. Jinyoung gets too involved in  _ modern _ colours and never goes for anything that could be considered overly sexy and Bambam whines too much about how many things he needs. He and Mark go out with the intention of getting Mark one thing but ends up walking home with nothing while Bambam has a new jacket, a pair of shoes and maybe an earring or two.

“Do you want something to eat?” Jaebeom asks, after losing the fight with Mark about taking his bag. He agrees only if he can pay for it, giggling when Jaebeom gives in, smiling at the sweet sound.

Even though they said no to the cafe originally, Jaebeom looks at home with a coffee in his hand, his hair hanging into his eyes. He blows it out of his face and Mark can’t help it; he pulls out his phone and snaps a few photos, making Jaebeom scoff at him, embarrassed. His hair is longer than Mark has ever seen it in photos, hanging down across his forehead underneath the bucket hat he pulled on and he looks content, happy.

“Not bad for a second date,” Mark laughs and Jaebeom takes his phone to lock it, putting it down. He spears some of the fruit on Mark’s plate of pancakes, content to pick at his dish while Mark saws into the stack. They’re not as good at Jinyoung’s (nothing will ever come  _ close _ ) but they’re still pretty good. The maple syrup is incredible and Jaebeom agrees, spooning it up when Mark leans back in his chair, full.

“What kind of food does Jinyoung like?” Jaebeom asks softly, meeting Mark’s eyes who shakes his head, smiling.

“Nice to know you’re a  _ cheater _ ,” he laughs, pinching the back of Jaebeom's hand to make him yelp. “But he doesn’t eat a lot of snacks. He cooks a lot. He likes grilled meat.”

Jaebeom nods along, thinking to himself before biting his lip in thought. “Okay, I can do that.” His voice is quiet but sure and Mark smiles, pleased to see the genuine feelings in Jaebeom showing through. He’s not necessarily shy but when it comes to Jinyoung, anyone can be intimidated. He’s just glad Jaebeom has the confidence to talk back to him.

“He needs someone to put him in his place,” Mark comments as they stand up, leaving the cafe behind them as they try and remember where Jaebeom parked his car. “He’s gotten too cocky.”

“I want him to put me in  _ my _ place,” Jaebeom mutters and yelps when Mark jabs him in the ribs. He’s still grinning like a fool while clutching his side. Mark rolls his eyes but it’s not as if he couldn’t tell that’s how it would go between them. Jinyoung doesn’t get on his knees for anyone and Mark knows how easy Jaebeom can be for a man who carries himself with the same confidence Jinyoung does..

“Come on, I wanna go home,” Mark says when Jaebeom unlocks his car. He slides into the front seat, putting his bags on his lap as Jaebeom starts up his car. It sounds  _ beautiful,  _ a pure black Ferrari since Jaebeom isn’t too humble to not show off his wealth and Mark smiles, hoping Jaebeom will let him drive it one day even though it’s expensive as hell. He’s not protective of his cars (well, if he is, Mark has no idea) and it’s a manual, something Mark grew up driving and hasn’t been able to get his hands on since moving here.

Jaebeom isn’t a careless driver which Mark is extremely grateful for. He’s been in the car with Bambam and that’s not something he ever wants to relive so even if Jaebeom’s movements are a little jerky with the gear stick, it’s as smooth as can be and Mark relaxes himself into the seat with a smile. Jaebeom glances at him, his lips quirking up and Mark flicks his hand on the gear stick to make him look away, shaking his head at him.

“I’ll see you next week?” Mark asks when he’s out of the car, peeking into Jaebeom’s window with his bags over his arms. Jaebeom nods, flashing him a bright smile and Mark leans back for him to pull out of the parking garage, his engine purring as he glides across the asphalt and out of mind. Just like that, the enigma of Im Jaebeom is gone. Mark chuckles as he swings his keys around his finger, waiting for the elevator.

No one’s home when he returns which is unusual, to say the least. It’s close to school holidays for the country which means more work for all of them. Bambam works in a clothing outlet, just like Jinyoung and Mark but Jinyoung’s second job is obviously different to theirs. But a job is a job and Mark sighs as he readies himself to get dressed as Yien, yawning into his sleeve.

It’s not late in the day which is his usual time to transform himself but he does it anyway, eager to get his photos taken so he can finally relax. It hits him like a tonne of bricks when he actually steps into his room that he’s exhausted and he sits on the edge of his bed, taking a few moments to ask whether he really has to do this today. 

He doesn’t, not  _ really _ , but if he puts it off then he knows he won’t do it tomorrow. He’ll procrastinate and avoid it until he really has to and it’s not like he can get away with posting old selfies, since he knows a few people will call him out for it. When men get obsessed, they get stalking and Mark is lucky none of them are smart enough to figure out anything about him, they just want to see more photos of his lips.

He sighs as he stands up, slipping out of his baggy jeans and shirt to get dressed. He finds a pair of Jinyoung’s high waisted pants, checkered and pretty and if he hadn't glanced at his bag, he would have forgotten about Jaebeom’s turtleneck. Mark slips it on, pleased with the fabric against his skin and tucks it into the pants, trying the belt up so that it hugs his waist nicely. 

Upon raiding Bambam’s closet, he manages to find a pair of the younger’s dress shoes and pulls them on in front of the mirror, checking out his outfit before he puts on his wig. He looks good, to be honest and once he slips his wig on, it’s perfect. Mark’s hair, bright red in colour, usually clashes with anything white so Yien’s long brown hair is perfect and he pulls it into a low side ponytail, all over one shoulder.

Mark is dressed like Bambi if she could ever be mature, looking a little more soft than cut throat but it looks… nice. Mark especially likes Jinyoung’s pants; where they would compliment his roommate’s behind, they hug Mark’s waist and hips, fitting him wonderfully. He and Jinyoung are definitely not the same size but the belt works well when they both need it. They emphasise Mark’s lithe waist and it makes him smirk.

His poses aren’t creative, it’s more so to just show off his outfit but he does take a selfie, glad he put on a little bit of makeup before seeing Jaebeom. It’s nothing akin to his usual makeup for Yien but it passes, simple eyeliner and tinted lip balm to warm up his complexion a little.

But Mark pauses before posting them, sticking his tongue into his cheek. He could post them, get a wide range of responses from all the men that he’s left on read in his inbox, or he could send them to Youngjae. For what reason, he asks himself again. Why does he want to? So Youngjae can stutter out a response that will make him laugh at how cute the younger man is? How will he explain it when Youngjae asks why?

Mark can flirt his way out of anything, but that’s a pretty drastic change to go from asking Youngjae why he can’t sleep to giving him innuendos and hoping he understands them. Youngjae is cute, sure, but so are a lot of guys Mark speaks to. And this isn’t a game to make the younger want him. Youngjae never wanted him in the first place so why does Mark like the challenge that was never put forward in the first place?

Mark swallows his irrational thoughts and posts the photos before he convinces himself otherwise. He turns off his phone and leaves it in the room for him to try and find after he’s forgotten or for Bambam to throw at him in the middle of the night. 

He doesn’t bother changing out of his wig and clothes. It’s a little cold in their apartment anyway and his wig keeps his ears warm. It should be a little concerning that Mark feels more comfortable dressed as Yien than he does as himself but it’s purely because he can play a character in Yien. He doesn’t have to be Mark Tuan from Los Angeles. Sometimes he wishes he never was.

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters to himself but stops himself before he can rub his face. He’d rather not smear foundation all over his hands only to wipe it all over  _ Jinyoung’s _ pants. He’ll be caught dead before he ever ruins something of Jinyoung’s. Bambam once machine washed his necktie and Jinyoung didn’t speak to him for a week.

It’s Bambam that comes home first, quiet as he’s ever been which is why Mark frowns at him. Bambam has never been quiet in his life - he even  _ cries _ loudly, full on wails like a screaming banshee - so Mark peeks around the corner of the wall, meeting his eyes in surprise.

“Do you want to tell me where you were, young lady?” Mark asks, raising an eyebrow but his wig slips past his ear, making Bambam fix him with a questionable look.

“Sorry, did I interrupt your sexting session?” he replies, kicking off his other boot before crossing the hallway and flopping his legs into Mark’s lap. His eyes are on Mark’s legs and he touches the fabric of Jinyoung’s pants in awe, pleased with the texture. Even Bambam’s nails are painted and he looks up at Mark with a smile. “Nice touch. Did someone request it?”

Mark scoffs, batting his hands away before flicking his hair over his shoulder. He rests his hands on Bambam’s long legs, drawing patterns in them and the younger hums, relaxed. “No, I don’t take requests… Well, Jaebeomie bought the turtleneck for me, actually.”

Bambam rolls his eyes, “That bastard really is rich, isn’t he?” 

Mark squeezes his leg a little too hard because that's no way to talk about your elders even if you've never met them. He smirks when Bambam yelps, sulking as he pulls away. 

"Hey, that guy you asked about," Bambam prompts, hitting Mark's arm suddenly. He tucks his legs underneath himself and Mark hums instead of responding. "Do you know if he has any friends like him?"

Mark blinks but shakes his head. "No, he… I don't think so." He frowns for a moment as Bambam pulls out his phone. "Why? Find someone new to trick?"

"Very funny," Bambam deadpans but huffs a short laugh. "But no, I don't really think so. I wanted to know if I was getting trolled or not because this guy is really cute and earns a lot of money just from being an intern at a record label."

Now that's something Mark could get around. "How old is he?"

"My age!" Bambam exclaims, sounding surprised himself. "A few months younger than me! I thought he was fucking with me, but I have no idea."

Mark makes Bambam lower his phone for a moment, looking him in the eye. "Bam, please be careful," he says cautiously because the feeling in his stomach isn't butterflies and it already seems dangerous that Bambam is this eager to know more about this guy.

But the younger rolls his eyes, pulling up a picture and shoving it in Mark's face. "Does he look like someone that would hurt me?"

The man - or rather, the  _ boy _ \- looks innocent enough. His sandy blond hair looks fluffy to touch as it falls into his eyes that are just as pretty as his hair, a deep brown that have caught the sunlight in the photo, painting them amber. The photo looks candid, the boy's face lit up with a bright smile and Mark will agree; he doesn't look like someone that could hurt a fly, let alone Bambam.

"But that doesn't mean he  _ won't _ ," Mark urges as Bambam pulls the phone back, already typing into it. He's not listening anymore and Mark shifts on the couch, giving up. There's no point in convincing Bambam once he's made his choice but Mark would risk anything to protect the younger, something the two of them know in great detail.

And when Mark stands up, brushing off his pants and fixing his wig by tossing it over his shoulder, Bambam says, "His name is Yugyeom. And he's really nice." It’s simple, a way to confirm to Mark that he really will be careful. He doesn’t need Mark looking out for him but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

"As long as he's nice," Mark dismisses, giving his roommate a small smile. "I should get out of this before Jinyoungie gets home."

"I'll buy you those pants for your birthday, hyung."

Mark snorts at his roommate, not only because his birthday is quite a while away, but because there's something laughable about being called hyung while wearing a long brown wig that's sticking to his lip balm.

But isn't that just his life? Mark Tuan, the freaky, flirty sitcom star.

  
  


***

  
  


"Youngjae, you're not eating enough."

He blinks at his mother's words, his fork stuck in a piece of broccoli he's yet to stick in his mouth. It’s gone cold from the time he’s been fiddling with his fork to pass the time. He doesn't really want it but he'll eat it if he wants to avoid more of his mother's questions.

It's mid semester break, winter break for him and like every other student that lives out of town, Youngjae is home for two weeks to relive his old high school days. Which include, singing in his room alone, annoying his brother and helping his mother cook. There’s not much to miss aside from familiarity but that’s the main ingredient for Youngjae’s hollows.

His friends from old times should be around but he isn't sure if he wants to see them. He isn't really sure what to do for these holidays, to be totally honest. It's only two weeks but it feels like a lifetime when he has nothing to do. Nothing to do by his own accord, for that matter.

"I'm okay," he reassures his mother with a tight smile. It feels fake before he even does it. "It's just a bit weird to be back home, I guess."

She gives him a smile in return, convinced for now and Youngjae sighs, finally popping the piece of broccoli into his mouth. He tries to relax himself and gets through dinner without much more struggle, his father returning from work halfway through. Youngjae laughs when he's hugged quickly and with a mumble of  _ I'm tired _ , he escapes to his childhood bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.

He rubs his face, resting his eyes for a few seconds before he tears off his glasses, letting them clatter onto the dusty desk. His room is just how he left it, of course, and yet it doesn't feel like his. It's frozen in time and Youngjae feels wrong stepping into it, like he's a stranger looking in. The posters have faded from the sunlight but Youngjae’s old drawings are still there, hanging above his bed and it makes him laugh. He really isn’t an artist in that sense, ironically enough.

But it's still the same bed he wrote his first song on, the same desk he did all his homework in high school. He knows he belongs here, that he has a place here in his own home but he feels out of place, like a crooked picture frame on the wall that’s just out of reach to fix.

Running a finger through the dust on the desk, Youngjae takes a shaky breath. His mind is running and he feels a wash of melancholy paint over him. But its familiarity just makes him numb because this is the mood that covers his mind in a dark haze and forces his hands to begin writing. This is the inspiration he always carves but receives cruelly in the times when he doesn’t want it, as if it picks a time to crawl up on him like the hungry monster it is.

When he settles on his bed, the same one he spent so many nights in, he chuckles quickly to himself before clicking a pen he stole from the desk, hoping it still works as he digs his lyric book out of his backpack. It can’t be all bad if he has a chance now to steal the ink from the atmosphere that’s surrounding him.

It feels like his mind is bleeding, turning into the ink that flows onto the paper. He has to be grateful and he starts to smile when he remembers the piano in the downstairs living room. It's white and beautiful, pristine and he knows his mother still cleans it every day, dusting it and keeping it the centre of attention in the room. He'll play it tomorrow; maybe he'll come up with something to match his lyrics.

His phone vibrates in his pocket, the only sound aside from the scratch of his pen on paper. It must be his brother, asking if he's home so he can swing by like he said he would. But Youngjae's heart beats a little faster when he sees that it's Yien, wishing him a comfortable holiday period and lots of rest. She never messages first and perhaps Youngjae is a little guilty of thinking he might be on her mind.

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [20:56] _

thank you noona

are you resting too?

i don't know if you work anywhere else   
but i hope it's not busy

  
  


_ Yien [20:57] _

i do, so thank you honey

do you live in the city? 

or have you been traveling?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [20:58] _

my parents live out of town

i grew up in mokpo lol

im writing right now, can we talk later?

  
  


_ Yien [21:00] _

if im awake

don't work too hard sweetheart

  
  


Youngjae feels stupid that he puts his phone down with a smile and he wants to feel guilty but he's writing about long hair and beautiful eyes, about dark lipstick and lovely words. Youngjae doesn't write about girls on his phone but apparently Yien is going to make him turn his life upside down and set it on fire, watching the flame stoke with her by his side.

Inspiration is inspiration and Youngjae will take it when it’s not soul crushing and raw, even if it’s in the form of Yien. It feels wrong and yet he’s doing it because humans are selfish, aren’t they? Youngjae is just a man in need of something that he can take from someone else.

So, he takes it while he can still reach it.

  
  


***

  
  


Youngjae's family keep to themselves. His brother is sometimes unsure of himself but he's supportive and kind. He'll be married next year and Youngjae can't wait to see his family at the ceremony. Youngjae is much the same as him, cautious and a little too hardworking, but it’s not a flaw either of them recognise.

Their parents raised them right, made them strong and Youngjae plays the piano as his mother watches on, proud of how far he's come. She taught him when he wanted to practise and he's never been embarrassed to play in front of her. Anyone else, Youngjae would probably have a panic attack but that's a different story. In front of her, it feels like he’s learning all over again in the best way possible, falling in love for the second time with the sounds he studies so diligently.

"Are you using this in your songs?" she asks once Youngjae ends a song slowly, pulling back to lay his hands in his lap. She’s referring to the piano, the sound of it.

"Sometimes," he confesses, glancing up at her. "When I feel as though it needs it. But I learn different techniques so it's not always my personal songs that make the cut." He wishes he could and there’s a reason he likes to write so many ballads but his student art isn’t always about what he wants.

His mother sits next to him and Youngjae smiles as they begin to play together, comfortable and content. He can't remember how many times he's done this with her and it makes him feel warm when their shoulders touch, proud of how they work together.

It's funny that Youngjae expected to avoid being questioned further by his mother. She never pries but it's when he's home that she gets to embarrass him like she would when he was younger. And now is no exception; it’s prime time for her to catch him and get him talking.

"Youngjae," his mother says quietly, putting her hands in her lap when Youngjae does the same. "How are your studies?"

"As good as they can be," he tries, hoping to drop the conversation. It’s not that he doesn’t like speaking to his mother, it’s just the fear of not being good enough that makes him want to shut up. "I'm passing."

"But are you happy?"

"Yeah, I'm just…" Youngjae takes a breath. playing a single note on the piano before pursing his lips. "Got a lot on my mind but at the same time, I don't."

His mother smiles softly, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. Youngjae makes a face but lets himself be babied for the moment. He never gets this treatment so he'll selfishly take it from his mother when she offers it.

"Girls will do that to you," she says before pulling away, grinning when Youngjae shakes his head at her, shocked.

He blinks at her, completely floored. "I- That's not even  _ close _ to what's on my mind? How did you even guess that?"

His mother looks proud of herself as she stands, putting her hands on her hips as she leans down, smug and in his face. "If it's not, then why are you so flustered?"

"Because that's absurd!" Youngjae shakes his head and it's almost laughable that his phone vibrates with Yien's contact on his lockscreen. He snatches it before his mother can look at it but his shock is enough to answer her questions.

He sneaks himself into the hallway and is shocked to find a video from Yien. But Youngjae is lucky it's innocent, just her filming the mirror as she shows off her pants and her message is asking Youngjae if they look good with her shirt or if she's just convincing herself of the worst.

_ They look really nice _ , he answers because they really do. They fit her perfectly, showing off her hips. The pattern of them is similar to the pants she wore in her last photos, only they’re blue this time.  _ Your legs are really long and I never noticed. _

_ And yet you're still taller than me, aren't you?  _ Yien replies, nothing else to soften the message.

_ I'm 5'10" hah _

Youngjae never thinks about how tall girls are in relation to him but when Yien says she's five nine, his world tilts sideways. She's almost his height and that… does something strange to his brain. He's used to girls being shorter than him, only reaching close to his height when in heels but Yien barely has to look up at him and is probably taller than him in heels, oh God- 

Why is he thinking about this so hard? Isn't that creepy? He needs to reply, fuck, his mother was right. This is what girls do to your head, he's going to go insane. Yien is tall which is  _ fine _ but she’s like really,  _ really _ tall.

_ That's really tall for a girl _ , he sends and immediately regrets it. Who the hell says that? She probably already knows! God, it’s like his brain turned to mush and seeped out of his ear, never to be seen again.

_ A few guys like it, surprisingly _ , Yien responds and Youngjae's cheeks turn pink because he hates to be grouped in like that, like one of the faceless men Yien has encountered but he's one of those guys and he wants to black out. Is this a fetish he never knew about? No, it's not a thing. Yien is just tall and it's weird to think about because girls aren't usually this tall in Korea. It's not an  _ abnormal _ thing, just a little rare.

And now that Youngjae thinks about it, Yien isn't a Korean name. It may just be a fake name to hide her identity but either way, it sounds… Chinese? When Youngjae asks, Yien seems to laugh through her texts. He isn’t exactly sure when he started to hear an imaginary laugh from her.

_ Yien [11:23] _

you'd be right, it is chinese.

that's all i want to say

but i do live in korea, i have for years

  
  


That's the most Youngjae has probably ever gotten out of her but it's all he feels comfortable pushing. Yien has a right to hide herself, as does Youngjae. They’re just shy of strangers, not quite familiar enough to be considered friends at all. She knows he has a brother, is a student and lives in Mokpo. He knows she does this for a living, her favourite colour is red and she likes his music. It’s minimal but that’s the novelty. Yien is a contact in his phone as is Youngjae in hers.

He rubs his face again and laughs, mostly at himself than anything else. It's ridiculous to be overthinking this. Yien is a random girl in a random town in Korea that sometimes talks to him when he needs her. That’s all she’ll ever be because Youngjae is the exact same to her.

Youngjae can live with that for as long as he wants.

  
  


***

  
  


“It’s July. Why are you trying to plan my birthday party?”

Bambam looks at Mark like he’s insane, because planning a twenty sixth birthday party three months in advance is completely normal. It’s not even a special number, Jinyoung will be twenty five which seems to be a bigger deal to Mark than turning twenty six but to Bambam, it doesn’t matter what age you are. If you have a birthday, it’s getting celebrated. It’s like an instinct to Bambam, something he just cannot help but do and that’s party for someone.

There’s nothing for them to do in the middle of the year. Bambam is born in May and goes through a four month drought of nothing before Mark’s birthday hits at the beginning of September, Jinyoung’s following two weeks later. They always have joint birthday parties because Jinyoung isn’t too phased by celebrating his at all and Mark would rather take time off with him to celebrate when they’re both free than try and cram something together.

“It’s like you don’t even want a party,” Bambam mutters, clicking around on his laptop angrily. Trust him to get sensitive about things that don’t matter. “I have to order things! They need time to come.”

“Yeah, three weeks from America, not four  _ months, _ ” Mark defends, placing his coffee down on the bench. “Can you just get more friends or something so you can spoil them in the middle of the year?”

Bambam rolls his eyes, unsatisfied. “Why do that when I can just plan your twenty sixth…?” His voice is quiet, preoccupied with his fiddling so Mark rolls his eyes this time, heaving a sigh. 

It’s nice to be cared for but as he’s gotten older, the need to go out clubbing and grind on someone he’ll never see again because his drunk mind convinced him to has lessened quite a bit. Besides, why do that when you can have a quiet night at home and fall asleep next to your best friend in a bed you share because you’re too broke to get a bigger apartment?

Now that he thinks about it, he’s kind of glad Bambam is planning a party. That sounds horribly sad, even if Jinyoung is the best cuddler he’s ever met. He’s already had his midlife crisis though, he doesn’t need another one on his twenty sixth birthday. The fatigue of being alive is already starting to set in, Mark doesn’t need to give that much attention.

Last year, Mark went home for his birthday. He spent it small in Korea with his roommates before flying home to see all of his family. They paid partially for his flights and he spent three weeks back in the states for the start of the fall time. It was nice to be back, to see all of his family and when he flew back to Korea, back to his second home, Jinyoung picked him up at four in the morning with Bambam asleep next to him.

Sometimes it’s hard to go back home. Sometimes he meets with his family in Taiwan when they go on a family holiday. Being an adult with a very different life to what you had when you were in high school is hard. Mark struggles sometimes to juggle it all, to talk back and forth in English and limited Chinese with his family, to reply to Jaebeom right after in Korean or text his boss that he’ll take the shift he’s been offered. His life is cluttered but along the way, he learned to love it rather than loathe something he can’t change.

It’s strange to think about what his life would be like if he wasn’t doing what he is right now. He’d never know Bambam or Jinyoung, would never have set foot in this apartment if he didn’t take a stupid joke too seriously. He wouldn’t be arguing with Bambam about what colour scheme would look best in their photo room or what decorations he wants for his birthday party. He wouldn’t be the one greeting Jinyoung from the kitchen when he comes home from work. It’s even stranger to think about what his roommates would be doing without him.

Would Jinyoung still be sleeping on his sister’s couch? Would Bambam have gone back to Thailand and worked for his family? Would Mark have packed it all up when his savings were drawing close to the negatives and gone back to Los Angeles? And to think of Jaebeom, too. Maybe he’d be doing the same thing, only he wouldn’t have picked himself back up. Would he have found another girl to confide in, someone much different to Yien? Would he still be working for his parents?

“Hey, Bam,” he calls from the kitchen suddenly, overthinking and scaring himself. It’s not needed, he’ll keep telling himself. 

The man in question looks up at him in a glare, annoyed from being disturbed. “What?” he says in English before clearing his throat. “I’m busy.”

“I love you.” 

Mark’s words make the younger pause. It’s always different each time they say it. Bambam hasn’t said those words to him in a number of months, not since he came home drunk and crying his eyes out from homesickness.

But Bambam swallows and looks at him, sensing the weird tension and manages a smile. “Love you too, dude.” It’s not weird, they’re just weird to each other. Who wants to tell someone their big bad and scary feelings? Bambam would rather slam his tongue in a car door than have to tell Jinyoung he stained his blazer, let alone say I love you.

_ Dude _ . Mark laughs, pleased. Bambam will always be a little awkward, a little too quick to become defensive when someone wants him to open up. But Mark rarely hides his feelings from either of his roommates and Jinyoung is too perceptive for his own good. Bambam got used to the two of them prying very quickly and knows that their overprotective streak only flares up when he’s done something ridiculous to combat their opposite personalities.

The holidays will end soon for everyone else and will clear the streets of the kids that seem too young to be in tenth grade. Mark will keep moving on, keep growing up with the rest of the world in his little corner of safety. He scares himself when he thinks too much because philosophy and the what ifs make anyone tremble but to Mark, they make his world shake. 

And yet, Bambam will still be on the couch bickering to no one but himself when he shakes himself out of his trance, Jinyoung will still come home at whatever time and complain about Mark’s cold feet once he climbs into their bed.

That’s what family is, isn’t it? Somewhere to feel safe.

Mark downs the rest of his coffee and decides to humour Bambam for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you in the new year :]
> 
> thank you for reading !


	4. Chapter 4

Jinyoung doesn’t come across as an affectionate person.

He tends to keep to himself on most occasions but he’s definitely the most cuddly. Mark often wakes up to his best friend’s arms around him. Out of the three of them, Mark craves the most affection but Jinyoung gives it out quite willingly to him. Bambam is a lost cause; if he was younger, Jinyoung would have smothered him to death and given him enough kisses to last him a lifetime but Bambam’s too daring for his own good and gets away with anything he likes so long as it means he doesn’t have to kiss Jinyoung on the cheek. It’s funny to see them argue because Jinyoung can make Bambam sulk and whine just from puckering his lips at him.

Jinyoung’s affection can come in bursts but he always falls asleep touching Mark somehow. And right now, Jinyoung’s arms hold Mark close to him, snug and comfortable. Mark is easy to cuddle; he’ll take it from anyone as long as they’re warm and Jinyoung has a monopoly on his cuddles. He has for the past two years, with living together and whatnot. 

As much as Jinyoung is comfortable to be held against, Mark needs to get up. Jinyoung usually wakes up before any of them in their humble abode but today, it seems fate wants to play with them all. 

“Come on,” Mark whispers, patting Jinyoung’s arm gently, earning a grunt in reply. At least he knows Jinyoung is awake. “We need to get up. You’ve got work, Jinyoungie.”

Jinyoung scoffs but lets him go easily, rolling over to sit up on the edge of the bed. He moves quickly which surprises Mark but it makes him smile, too. That means Jinyoung has been awake for a little while but didn’t want to move so he didn’t wake Mark up. But the younger still rubs his eyes sleepily and Mark laughs at him, running his fingers through his hair as Jinyoung covers his mouth in a yawn, polite as always.

Mornings are slow for them all. Even though collectively, Jinyoung is the only one that can function in the morning, he still moves slowly if he doesn’t have to rush. Mark makes himself at home in the living room, leaving the bathroom to Jinyoung for the morning since he doesn’t have work until later that day. He’ll have to check the calendar to see if Bambam has work but he’s a little too relaxed right now so he doubts either of them are going to move any time soon.

And what makes Mark blink in surprise is that Bambam is awake which is an unusual sight at ten in the morning but he nods to Mark in greeting, already dressed for the day. Skinny jeans and pillowy white shirt frame Bambam and as always, he has some kind of sunglasses on. Mark actually thinks they might be Jinyoung’s, considering that they’re big and black, simple and not bedazzled.

“Who’s the lucky girl?” Mark asks, snagging Bambam’s coffee for a few sips since he hasn;t got his own. Bambam lets him, pursing his lips but he isn’t too peeved. “You don’t wear those boots for just anyone.”

Bambam snorts, crossing his legs elegantly. He sticks his foot in the air, his ankle boots clean and pretty as he rolls his ankle around. “Not sure yet. I might go and meet someone and rob them.”

“You’d be more successful as Bambi.” Mark meets his eyes over the rim of the mug, quirking his eyebrow. “More innocent. You look too scheming right now.”

Bambam sighs, pretending to flick hair over his shoulder as he giggles girlishly to himself. Mark shakes his head at him, laughing. “But I’m just so fragile and pretty,” he whines, looking out the window. “But no, I’m planning to go pick up a few things and I have to pick up a few orders from the post office. Ordered in some new shirts and a couple skirts.”

“Productive for once,” comes Jinyoung’s voice as he steps out of the bathroom, fixing Bambam with a challenging look that the younger combats with a glare. They hold each other’s gazes for a few moments until Bambam caves, turning his nose up obnoxiously. Mark chuckles, taking another sip of his coffee before handing it back to Bambam.

It’s beginning to look a lot like a routine morning for the household until Jinyoung confesses something that makes Mark tackle him to the floor and Bambam suddenly speechless for once in his life.

At first, Mark doesn’t question Jinyoung. It’s a normal morning, Jinyoung will go to work and Bambam will disappear to God knows where he can walk and come back whenever he pleases. At least he knows this time that the younger is just going to the post office. Maybe Mark will join him. But what tips him off to Jinyoung’s schemes is that Jinyoung is grinning, which is a rare sight in itself.

Mark watches Jinyoung over the bar top of the kitchen, frowning. “You look weird,” he mutters to him, keeping his eyes focused on him.

All Jinyoung does is hum, making Mark feel increasingly skeptic. A scheming Jinyoung is never something he wants to be on the receiving end of. His roommate and best friend can be a treasure when he wants to be but Jinyoung is a wolf in sheep’s clothing so you can never take your eyes off him or he’ll get the jump on you.

Mark draws his attention back to Bambam while Jinyoung putters around for his work clothes. The sun is streaming in from the large windows and catching his bronzed skin, making him look otherworldly. He’s nothing but an all seeing demon but Mark doesn’t have to tell him that for him to know. He looks peaceful but his eyes are trained on Jinyoung as he stands in front of the television, silently gesturing for Bambam to mute it. Mark didn’t even realise it was on.

“If I,” Jinyoung starts, clasping his hands together, “were to pitch something, would you both listen?”

“Depends what it is,” Bambam replies cooly. “Hyung,” he adds when Jinyoung raises his eyebrows at him.

Mark slots himself into the other couch, on the opposite end to Bambam and sits in a rather masculine way, his legs apart and his back slumped. Bambam is the picture perfect image of beauty with his perfect posture and immaculate skin. Mark can feel the bones relaxing in his spine to accommodate the way he’s sitting but he just knows he’s going to regret it in a few minutes. Meanwhile, Jinyoung is calm and dressed cleanly, ready to start his day. That about sums up all of them.

They really do make a cute family.

“Can you get on with it?” Mark asks, cracking his ankle as he yawns. “You’re building up suspense like you’re going to ask us a favour.”

“And you never ask us for favours,” Bambam adds, watching Jinyoung over the rim of his coffee cup suspiciously. 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes before he leans on one leg to cock his hip, his pants doing wonders for his long legs but that’s not the point. “I never ask because I know  _ you _ ,” he points at Bambam before dropping his hand, “won’t keep your promise. But I’m thinking of something you both have experience in.”

“Threesomes?” Mark questions while Bambam says, “Waxing your eyebrows?” They look at each other with matching frowns until they giggle like school children. Bambam smacks his leg while Mark chuckles, ignoring Jinyoung’s sigh.

But Jinyoung claps his hands and both of them train their eyes on him, like moths to a flame. He’s always had a way of making people look at him but the last thing they want is an angry Jinyoung. 

“No to threesomes and stop shaming my eyebrows,” he snaps back, glaring at Bambam. Mark keeps his mouth shut. “But I’m thinking… of joining the website you both use.”

Bambam completely freezes, his coffee cup midway to his lips again while Mark’s eyes widen. It takes him a moment to process what the fuck was just said before he’s out of the Mark shaped indent in the couch and throwing himself onto Jinyoung, taking him to the ground from the sheer amount of surprise and force of his jump.

Jinyoung yells as he goes down and Mark is lucky that there’s a bunch of wet laundry on the floor that Bambam has yet to put on the clothes rack so Jinyoung’s head is softened by Mark’s wet tank tops. His roommate still scowls at him but smiles when his face is cupped and Mark is grinning at him, ecstatic.

Jinyoung has always been supportive of Mark and Bambam, keeping them safe and watching over them. He’s never judged them and even when shopping, he tries his best to give them advice. He bought Bambam his favourite ring to wear when he’s Bambi and their wigs are fluffy and styled because of Jinyoung/ And now, they can repay him in the only way they know how.

“Like, for real?” Bambam finally manages, standing up too so he can join them on the floor, kneeling next to Jinyoung’s face to peer at him. “You wanna be like us? You’re not fucking around?”

“Language,” Jinyoung berates, squeezing Mark’s wrists to reassure him. “And yeah, for real. You guys have been asking me for a long time to try it out now so I figured, why not?" He wrinkles his nose when Mark squeezes his cheeks. "But… I’m not completely serious, so don’t get your hopes up. I just want to know what it’s like for a little bit.” He smirks to himself, pleased at their reactions. “I want to see how many people I can fool.”

“With that ass, you’ll make the boys swoon,” Bambam grins, his eyes narrowing at him.

Mark squeezes Jinyoung’s cheeks, making him look back at him. “I don’t fuck around when it comes to wigs, Jinyoungie,” he says, dead serious as he looks down at Jinyoung. His roommate meets his gaze head on, their eyes equally wide. 

“But you still don’t know how to clean them,” he retorts. Mark pinches his cheek to get him to shut up before rolling off him, onto the floor as he meets Bambam’s gaze with a smile.

“I’ll get a name for him if you get the wig,” the youngest says and Mark nods his head, sealing the deal. They both spring up and run to their phones, leaving Jinyoung in a pile of wet laundry that’s quickly soaking his clean clothes that he needs to wear to work. Mark hears him sigh as he stands up and their front door opens a few minutes later, closing and locking behind him.

“He has no idea what he’s in for,” Bambam says as he walks into Mark’s room, lying on the shared bed with him as they draft up names, outfits and wig ideas for their friend. If Jinyoung thought this could be a one-time thing, he's dead wrong.

  
  


***

  
  


Bambam shopping is a whole other Bambam. It’s the only time Mark sees him serious, his eyes narrowed as he filters through the racks, trying to piece together his new outfits in his mind. The two of them tend to order the more feminine things online but Bambam is good at lying through his teeth about girlfriends he doesn’t have so he can buy an expensive set of thigh highs.

The younger’s eyes glance up at Mark when he sits down in one of his favourite shoe stores, Mark standing in front of him with his arms crossed. “These shoes match my belt… Oh, but what if I get the red ones? Maybe I can use your red pencil skirt.” His eyes look hopeful, begging Mark to agree so he does, humming in reply.

He watches Bambam’s eyes trail over the shoes on display, thinking to himself as he analyses. They’ve been asked multiple times if they’re looking for something for their girlfriends and Bambam didn’t say no so the saleswoman finds it a little funny when it’s Bambam trying the shoes on, claiming to have the same size feet as his girlfriend. It seems like such an elaborate lie to Mark; the two of them shopping together with no girlfriend in sight? But the saleswoman barely questions it, tricked by Bambam’s innocent charm.

“I can’t believe you got away with that,” Mark whispers as the saleswoman goes to find something in the back that Bambam asked for. He wasn’t really listening.

Shopping together usually doesn’t end all that well but it’s productive today, at the very least. Bambam needs new shoes and he’s been requested to wear red for his new photos by someone in his comments, a promise of a couple hundred if he does. It’s not often that he gets to wear red but Bambam always gets excited to plan new outfits, pairing whatever he finds together to compliment himself. He’s in his element and Mark finds himself smiling at him, proud of him.

“Black shirt,” Bambam says suddenly, clicking his fingers as he looks back up at Mark. “That, with the skirt and red pumps. Yeah? Or black shoes?”

“Bambi would wear converse, honestly,” Mark laughs, crossing his arms. “But yeah, red pumps would work best. I don’t have any, so if you buy them now, it will be good for both of us. Oh, and Jinyoungie, too.” They’re not all the same size, but they can make do.

Bambam’s mouth splits into a grin but the saleswoman comes back and hands Bambam the shoes he asked for. It’s hilarious to watch him pretend to not know how to wear the heels but they manage to buy them even though the saleswoman laughs. Mark almost buys a pair of socks he doesn’t need but surprisingly, Bambam is the one that pulls him by his wrist out of the store, smacking him with the shoe box to keep his focus.

“Speaking of Jinyoung,” Bambam says once they’re outside the store, checking his phone quickly. He pushes up his glasses, glancing at Mark over the rim. “What are we thinking for him? Names? Oh, should we make him blonde?”

Mark nods, suddenly very excited. Jinyoung has never dyed his hair and he’s never pierced his ears, either. He hates those kinds of things on him, he doesn’t think any of that suits him even if Jaebeom, Mark and Bamabm are all enthusiasts for expensive jewellery. Mark and Bambam have tried to convince him otherwise but Jinyoung is notoriously stubborn so they never get far.

“Blonde sounds good,” Mark answers, happy with the progression of their plans. Blonde Jinyoung is something to think about and Mark finds himself smiling as he pulls up a few sites that they’ve ordered from before. He could have played it safe for Jinyoung but where’s the fun in that? “Short or long? Should we give him bangs?”

Bambam starts walking so that they’re not blocking the store’s entrance but he smirks, scheming already. His eyes always light up when he has an idea of what to do to affect people and their fate. “Yes, definitely. Blonde, long style with waves. He’s got enough curves to get him through.” He takes a breath, disappointed before shaking his head. “But those damn eyebrows…”

“They have character,” Mark giggles, pinching Bambam’s arm. Jinyoung may be an ass sometimes but Bambam will take any opportunity to rag on Jinyoung when he’s not there. Mark usually plays along but he has to be the eldest sometimes, much to his disgrace. And that means defending Jinyoung’s honour when he’s not there to do it himself.

But Bambam keeps going, even in the parking lot to Mark’s car. “Do you think he’d let me pluck them? Like, just to clean them up?”

“They’re already pretty clean?” Mark questions, swinging himself into the driver’s seat. He checks his own eyebrows in the rearview mirror, trying to see what Bambam sees in Jinyoung’s eyebrows. His aren’t as thick, Jinyoung takes that prize but Mark thinks that his are no better. At least their eyebrows aren’t next to nothing like Bambam’s. “Why do you hate his eyebrows so much? Yours aren’t the greatest.”

Bambam gasps, swinging his arm and smacking Mark in the chest, winding him. “I’ll cut your brakes, take that back.” He shakes an accusatory finger at him, his eyes wide. “Take that back, right now.”

Mark wheezes, not expecting that response but he just smacks Bambam back, hurting him more because Bambam really isn’t as strong as him, even if he has the element of surprise on his side. “Shut up,” he laughs, his chest tingling from the slap but Bambam finally shuts up, coughing once before he leans back in his seat, closing his eyes.

“Okay, blonde wig,” Mark starts as he pulls out. Bambam pulls out his phone at the continuation of the conversation, smiling already. “Leave his eyebrows but minimal makeup. He rarely wears concealer, there’s no way he’ll put on mascara. Lip tints instead of lipstick unless he says okay and… Stockings? Or pants?”

“Fuck pants, we’re going all the way.” Bambam’s words make him cringe but he laughs, pulling up a few images of outfits he’s looked at in his gallery. He tries to show Mark but driving is a little more important than what skirt they should put Jinyoung in. But once back at their apartment, it becomes drafting time, safe to their devices while Jinyoung is away at work.

“Skirt and turtleneck,” Bambam says, shifting through his wardrobe for something he likes. Mark offers up the turtleneck Jaebeom bought him and Bambam grins, nodding vigorously. He lays down what he picks out, rummaging around for shoes to match with a scowl on his face. Bambam’s weirdly serious when it comes to fashion but who can blame him? He is the way he is because of his passion for clothing and accessories. It’s funny to see him so fired up, whizzing around the apartment as he gathers three outfits to fit Jinyoung’s new persona.

“Jiyoung,” Mark says when Bambam brings back a pair of heels, converse and combat boots. He looks at Mark with a frown, tilting his head to the side. “That should be her name.”

Bambam grins, his eyes creasing as his cheeks bunch. He nods along, straightening out the outfits and Mark stands to look at them, pursing his lips as he judges. His turtleneck is there with a high waisted black skirt, with knee high socks and combat boots. The pair of pants Mark stole from Jinyoung last week are there as well with a long sleeved red shirt, some of Bambam’s silver necklaces tossed on top with his own pair of converse underneath. Then, there’s a more form fitting turtleneck, black in colour with white pants and fishnets, a pair of three inch black heels to match.

The outfits are fantastic but what Mark and Bambam like is very different to Jinyoung’s tastes and Mark isn’t sure he’s going to agree to this. “Are you sure he’ll wear these?” he asks, touching the white pants to feel them against his skin.

“If he doesn’t, I’ll make him,” Bambam says, his voice low and threatening. “Either that, or I’ll wear them.”

“Bambi would never,” Mark laughs, pointing at the fishnets and Bambam laughs too, shrugging his shoulders. “But leave these out. Jinyoungie has a short shift, so he’ll be home by one. We can show him then.”

Bambam nods in approval, taking photos before he shifts the outfits, jumping back on his bed with a wide grin on his face. Mark sits down with him, happy to spend the evening with his friend in anticipation for their journey with Jinyoung. 

“Do you want food?” Bambam asks after a while, pulling up his ordering apps to see what’s on the menu. Mark rolls over to lay on him, taking his phone and Bambam grunts underneath him, but allows the steal, laying his hands on Mark’s back.

It nears midnight when their food shows up, burgers for the two of them and an order of sushi for Jinyoung when he comes home. And come home he does, opening the door loudly. He throws his keys into the bowl at the door and Mark and Bambam look up at him, smiling brightly.

“What…?” Jinyoung asks, frowning at them. He takes the sushi from Bambam, sitting down next to him slowly, cautiously. It’s like he’s waiting for Bambam to jump at him and kill him. “Why are you guys still awake? It’s late.”

“It is,” Bambam agrees, leaning back into the couch. “But we have plans.”

“Then do them.” Jinyoung sounds bored and as soon as he has his food set up, he’s shoving some of the nagiri into his mouth, pleased with it. Jinyoung loves raw fish, it was one of the first things he ever told Mark when they met.

“No, my dear hyung,” Bambam smiles, running his hand up Jinyoung’s back which makes him roll his spine weirdly, trying to get away from his hand. “Our plans are with you.”

“I’m not having sex with you,” Jinyoung deadpans, his cheeks full of rice.

Mark snorts while Bambam scoffs, smacking him on the back. Jinyoung sighs, clearly not happy with the progression of the conversation but he swallows and crosses his legs. “Can I at least finish this?” he asks and Bambam makes a fuss but lets him, yawning loudly. Jinyoung rolls his eyes but ignores the antics in favour of having his dinner.

“Isn’t it so nice to be domestic?” Mark smiles. Bambam whines, sticking his tongue out at him in disgust. Jinyoung’s face is too full of rice to reply.

But he does follow Mark when they stand up but when Jinyoung realises they’re walking into Bambam’s room, he starts to squint in suspicion. He does step into the room, very slowly, and looks at the outfits on the bed, lifting his chin to stare down at them. He’s judgemental on the best of days and right now, he’s on his high horse as he glares.

“I would have preferred seeing you naked over this,” he mutters and Bambam sighs, not pleased with the reply.

“You don’t want to see that,” Mark mutters, crossing his arms. He smiles when Bambam laughs, placing a hand on Jinyoung’s shoulder. “But isn’t this good? The wig will come in soon, I’ll order it tomorrow. But these outfits will suit you, we think.”

Jinyoung doesn’t answer for a few moments, his eyes running over the clothes. He seems to accept the pants and long sleeve shirt, but he grabs the fishnets in disgust, looking at Bambam. “These are made to fit Mark-hyung, aren’t they?” When Bambam nods, Jinyoung sighs. “No offense, but I seriously doubt my thighs are going to fit into these.”

“They’ll stretch,” Mark smiles, not letting him get out of this.

“Let’s pray they fit your fat ass,” Bambam mumbles and Mark feels like everything happens in slow motion when Jinyoung punches Bambam in the stomach and throws him on the bed, manhandling him to straddle his waist, smacking him in the face as the younger wails and cries for Mark’s help.

Mark sits on the edge of the bed as Jinyoung tries to smother Bambam with a pillow, starting to sort through wigs that might suit Jinyoung. He smiles when Bambam screams, shaking his head at the two of them. He prays they won’t get a noise complaint, rather than if the fishnets will fit Jinyoung’s ‘fat ass’.

  
  


***

Youngjae doesn’t think much when he’s on his phone.

What a cliche thing to say as an early twenty year old. Society is addicted! Yes, every millennial understands that! Youngjae is just another fish in the pond of life, trying to find entertainment in his black and white, boring world. Who can blame him when he’s just sitting in the piano room, poetically hoping some muse will show up and sing him into a lullaby of words and inspiration.

But of course, that doesn’t happen and Youngjae is just sitting alone in silence. With his phone in his hand, he doesn’t  _ have _ to think much when he’s on his phone but there’s no need. He can just mindlessly scroll through his social media without anyone to bother him aside from himself. Such as now, when he’s got no one but himself to blame for shifting money into Yien’s account as an excuse to talk to her. His brain is completely shut off. He mindlessly sends the money, a weird amount that he shouldn’t be giving to her but he wants to talk to her but has no reason to really message.

Seven dollars later, Yien is in his inbox, laughing at him but Youngjae isn’t offended. Yien is sweet to him and he doesn’t mind her teasing. Youngjae should be doing his work, he’s in the piano room to practise but he’s… flat. So, Yien is his muse for now, his distraction.

  
  


_ Yien [17:12] _

seven dollars? sweetie you don’t have to send me money for a simple hello

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [17:13] _

but aren’t i a perfect stranger? lol

  
  


_ Yien [17:13] _

let’s put it like that lol

but seriously, why are you sending money?

shouldn’t you be in school?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [17:14] _

you always ask that noona

but no, im practicing right now

_ Yien [17:15] _

play something for me then

  
  


Youngjae takes a breath and sets up his phone, making sure he’s in the frame. There’s a mirror behind him that will show the piano and he presses record, sighing as he rolls his shoulders back, trying to quickly decide what to play.  _ Trauma  _ is too easy to play again and Yien already knows it, it will just feel like a cop out. And weirdly enough, he wants to surprise her with something else. 

Is it unusual that he wants to make her proud somehow? Youngjae is too much of a romantic to psychoanalyse that. 

He decides on an old song of comfort, called  _ It will pass _ and swallows before singing the low lyrics to the slow piano. It’s more of an emotional song, about pain coming to an end. Every hardship has a way out, a time that will overshadow the bad shadows and allow people to recover. Youngjae found it some time ago and instantly learnt it, providing a cover for it as it bought him so much relief within himself. He shivers as he plays the first notes, closing his eyes momentarily before he opens them slowly, glancing at the camera a little nervously.

He doesn’t sing the whole song, his movements still a little rusty. He stops halfway through and laughs breathlessly, grabbing his phone to stop the recording. He hopes it’s good enough and that his nerves don’t show through but he’s already doubting that aspect. He sends it to Yien with a smile and awaits her reply, fiddling with the chords he’s come up with for a song with no name. 

Yien’s reply comes ten minutes after his video, a sweet message that makes him flush. She compliments his voice and he thanks her, warm from her praise. He grins at her messages, shifting in his seat.

  
  


_ Yien [17:28] _

your smile is so cute awh

i love your voice otter

i can see it now, i think

  
  


Youngjae swallows at the pet name, his cheeks flushing darker. Coming from Yien, it makes his stomach churn with nerves. It’s completely different to something his brother randomly said when they were teenagers. From Yien, it makes him want to be her otter- What? Youngjae scowls at himself; what the hell does that even mean?  _ God, Youngjae, just be a normal human being.  _ But he feels giddy, unsure as to how he should respond aside from thanking her, so he does just that, his ears hot.

  
  


_ Yien [17:30] _

thank you for what?

do you like that, otter?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [17:32] _

i like it when you call me that

and i like it when you compliment me

it’s nice to have someone be proud of you, i guess

  
  


_ Yien [17:35] _

you want me to be proud of you honey?

youngjae i really like your voice

it’s unique and beautiful, i love hearing it

do you know how beautiful you sound?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [17:37] _

just when i’m singing?

you’ve never heard me speak

and uh… i’ve been told 

but it’s different when you’re hearing your own voice

  
  


_ Yien [17:38] _

i bet you sound even better when you simply talk

otter, you’re gorgeous

voice and all

_ Yien [17:40] _

aren’t you a little curious?

about why we still talk often?

  
  


Youngjae swallows, not expecting the turn in conversation. They talk because it’s convenient, don’t they? But even as he’s thinking that, he knows it’s wrong. Sure, it’s convenient, but Youngjae would be lying if he said he didn’t find Yien intriguing. Not even because of what she does, but because of how mysterious she is. He knows she’s just a normal girl, behind the screen, but she leaves a man wondering and Youngjae can’t answer the questions in his mind.

When he asks what she thinks, as to why they’re still talking, she flips it on him again, leaving his mind reeling. He swallows again, his palms beginning to sweat but he answers honestly, as best as he can. To Yien, he’s just a piece of prey but it’s out of the ordinary that he doesn’t find himself running away.

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [17:42] _

i like talking to you because it’s thrilling

_ Yien [17:42] _

go on otter

what is it about me that’s thrilling?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [17:43] _

you’re anonymous, in a way

i think it’s attractive somehow

aside from how pretty you are, i guess

  
  


_ Yien [17:45] _

you like it when girls hide from you?

that’s a little strange otter

cheeky lol

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [17:45] _

i think i like it when people keep me wondering

i like it when you keep me wondering, noona

_ Yien [17:49] _

you think too much

do you think i’m attractive in general, youngjae?

i think you are

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [17:50] _

i do noona

you’re very beautiful

_ Yien [17:51] _

you like it when i ask you questions like this, don’t you?

  
  


Youngjae’s mouth is dry as he types a blank  _ yes _ . He can tell Yien is playing with him, teasing him and riling him up. How many guys has she done this to? He’s being played for a fool, leading into a slow heartbreak that will feel like an addiction he won’t recover from. And yet, he blindly follows in, every single time. 

When Yien messages, he answers. He’s constantly finding excuses to talk to her, to be reeled in like a moth to a flame and no matter how many moments of clarity he has, Youngjae will always come crawling back to Yien. It feels stupid, it’s only been three months since their paths even collided and Youngjae is in this deep, ashamed but greedy. Men always are greedy, wanting more than what they deserve but if Yien is giving it to him, Youngjae can’t turn it away. He’s gambling with an unavailable woman but he doesn’t have it in him to l put his mind to rest.

He should keep his mouth shut, really, but it’s Yien that makes him speak because he can’t get away from her. Three months and he’s like an obsessive teenager, drawn to her anonymity. She will always be mysterious, will always be three steps ahead of him even if he’s running after her. But the chase is part of the journey, is it not? Like a childish game of cat and mouse, Youngjae wonders when he became one of Yien’s dumb mice. He wonders when he stopped caring.

  
  


_ Yien [17:56] _

you’re curious, i can tell

but i’m curious too

i think we have a lot more to learn about each other

don’t get too riled up sweetheart

save that for me later on, yes?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [17:59] _

curious is one way to put it

But yes noona

  
  


_ Yien [18:00] _

mm i like that

you’re easy, youngjae

it’s cute

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [18:01] _

only for you

  
  


_ Yien [18:02] _

keep it that way then otter

noona will be watching

  
  


Youngjae hates his cheeks for flushing, he hates his  _ whole body _ for flushing. He thought he grew out of that but his palms itch and his ears are hot, making him horrifically aware of his feelings. He half expects his ears to start ringing. Why did he say that?  _ Only for you? _ Yien liked it, though. Or at least, he thinks she did. He hopes she did.

He rubs his face, having wasted his time in the piano room but he has enough time to record something else for fun so he does just that, hoping it’s something he can use later on. A lot of his time these days is occupied by Yien but it’s Youngjae’s own fault. He lets her distract him when he doesn’t actually need it but wants an excuse to let loose.

_ Are you scared? _ he asks himself. It’s hard to comprehend because he doesn’t know if he’s afraid of Yien or how he feels. It’s both, actually, as he thinks harder. Youngjae isn’t as lost as he thinks he is when it comes to feelings but he is when it’s a girl on his phone. He doesn’t know her, he doesn’t know a  _ thing _ about her. It can’t be anything more than physical attraction because after all, Youngjae is just a man. And Yien is a beautiful woman that gives him attention, so he really can’t be at fault for wanting to be the subject of her affections. She’s beautiful, she’s focused and worst of all, she listens to him.

Youngjae rubs his face, tired with his reeling thoughts. He knows he won’t get away from it but there’s no hope for him to try and separate his mind from what his emotions like to think. He misses the times when his biggest problem was speed writing an essay to end in by nine o’clock the next morning.

  
  


_ Yien [18:09] _

send me more videos please?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [18:10] _

when i record them, i will noona

  
  


Youngjae smiles at her reply, an encouraging  _ fighting _ to make the tension in his shoulders leave. He heaves a sigh and hopes he doesn’t look as exhausted as he feels as he gathers his things to head back to his dorm. 

Youngjae greets a few of his neighbours in the hall, ducking his head with a smile but he locks himself in his dorm and closes his eyes. As he leans his head against the door, he ends up smiling to himself, shaking his head. How did his life end up like this? Three months ago, he was a normal student. Well, he was lonely and now he’s a little less so but he’s stuck on a pretty girl from God knows where with a fake name. Well, he’s not entirely sure if it’s fake. He’s not really sure of anything when it comes to Yien.

“What a time to be alive,” he mumbles, rolling his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year! i hope this one is a good one for you :]]


	5. Chapter 5

Jinyoung never orders anything online.

Mark and Bambam order for him if anything. They know almost every checkout code and if Jinyoung needs absolutely anything at all, all he has to do is ask. What’s mine is yours is the saying, and Mark lives by it.

And that’s why it’s so weird that there’s a package addressed to a  _ Park Jinyoung _ with their address printed on the front. Jinyoung is the one that picks it up, frowning at it in utter confusion. He glances at Mark when he steps out of the bathroom, toothbrush hanging from his mouth.

“What’s that?” he says around his mouthful of toothpaste. He points at the package before side stepping Jinyoung to spit in the kitchen sink. Mark continues his routine, raising his eyebrows at Jinyoung who turns the package in his hands.

“It’s from Jaebeom,” Jinyoung blanks, looking at Mark. “How does he know our address? Did you tell him?”

Mark spits again and rinses off his toothbrush, nodding. “Yeah, he said he had to send  _ me _ something, though. Open it.” He makes grabby hands for the package and Jinyoung sighs, handing it to him. “Unboxing time!”

Jinyoung peeks over his shoulder as Mark cuts into the tape of the box, ripping it open with an impish grin. “If it’s a dildo, I’m going to cut his balls off,” he mutters, leaning his chin on Mark’s shoulder and Mark feels his roommate tense up upon seeing the item.

Mark holds up the turtleneck, a little peeved that Jaebeom got Jinyoung something similar to his gift but he grins when he realises what exactly it is. It’s a turtleneck, that’s for sure, but it’s lined with mesh from the neck down. Mark feels goosebumps erupt over his skin as Jinyoung turns ice cold against him.

“Hypothetically-”

“I am  _ never _ ,” Jinyoung starts, grabbing the turtleneck and gripping it like he’s trying to strangle it, “going to wear this. Hyung, are you kidding me?”

“Come on!” Mark whines, grabbing the turtleneck back. “Just once. It’s just me. Jinyoung, you’ve seen Bambam in assless chaps. We  _ both _ have. This isn’t that weird.”

Jinyoung laughs bitterly, his eyes wide. “It’s transparent!”

“You have boobs!” Mark retorts, poking Jinyoung’s chest but his hands get smacked away. Jinyoung snatches the shirt and glares at Mark but he closes the bathroom door behind him with the turtleneck and Mark throws himself into the couch, clapping his hands together in anticipation. 

“This is only happening because Bambam isn’t here!” Jinyoung calls and Mark laughs, telling him to hurry the fuck up. But Jinyoung doesn’t step out right away, instead fussing about for a couple more minutes.

A couple more minutes is just that little too long, considering the situation. With a huge, heaving sigh, Mark promptly got off the couch and slams himself into the bathroom door.

“I’m not finished!” Jinyoung yells.

Mark scoffs, knocking on the door repetitively. “You are so! Stop looking at yourself in the mirror before you ruin this for me!”

It  _ still _ takes longer than it should but Jinyoung steps out with a hand covering his chest. Mark doesn’t hide the way his eyes travel up and down his torso, checking him out from head to toe before telling Jinyoung to stay  _ right there _ . He quickly runs to Bambam’s wardrobe and pulls out a blazer and belt, socks skidding on tiles as he made his way back.

When he arrives, Jinyoung looks wary but puts the blazer on, letting Mark fasten the belt around his waist. It squeezes him, emphasizing his curves a little more and Mark pushes him into Bambam’s room, right in front of the full body mirror. Jinyoung takes a deep breath and looks at himself, standing up straight as Mark grins at him in the reflection.

“I guess… It’s nice,” he concludes, making a weird face. He furrowed his eyebrows as he scratches his chest through the shirt. He doesn’t look too comfortable but Mark slips his arms around his waist and leans his head on his shoulder.

“You look hot, if I’m being frank,” he states and Jinyoung can’t help but laugh. “I like it, honestly. I know it’s not your style but it’s… sexy. Mature. It’s Jinyoung if he was sexy.”

“Are you saying I’m not?”

“You look like a professor on a daily basis.” Mark sighs, looking away. “You’re pretty by default but it’s effortless. This is dressing up. It’s…  _ alluring _ .”

Jinyoung hums, slipping his hands into his pockets. Mark keeps himself comfortable, perched on his shoulder. Jinyoung looks himself up and down again before licking his lips and shrugging. “I suppose it’s… nice.”

“There you go,” Mark smiles, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “We’re on the road to a body confident Jinyoungie.”

“Don’t get your hopes up,” Jinyoung laughs, slipping away from him to get undressed. “It’s not that I’m self-conscious… I don’t know. I just don’t wear this kind of thing.” He smoothes his hand over the blazer, giving a sigh. “Whatever.”

“You’re hot, Jinyoungie,” Mark says, meeting his eyes. “That, and you’re just attractive, point blank. You’re like… If there was a trophy for being the ideal man, you’d win it.”

Jinyoung chuckles and shakes off the blazer, tossing it onto Bambam’s bed. “That’s absurd.” He still laughs as he undresses himself. They’ve been friends for a long time, so Jinyoung’s normal shyness isn’t present anymore. He has no shame when he pulls out one of Bambam’s oversized sleeping shirts and throws it on. Living together as three guys, you tend to just steal anyone’s clothes as long as they’ll fit; Bambam and Mark have shared jeans more than once.

“I’ll tell you you’re sexy everyday,” Mark says dreamily as he takes Jinyoung’s hands and squeezes them. “If that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want that in the slightest,” Jinyoung deadpans but pulls Mark in for a hug, patting and rubbing his back. Mark tucks himself into his shoulder, holding him for a little while. Jinyoung gives hugs that feel like home and Mark will never get sick of them.

Jinyoung pats his butt to let him go and Mark pulls away reluctantly, making himself a new home in the couch as Jinyoung putters around to make lunch. Bambam comes up with messy hair and runny eyeliner, snagging Jinyoung’s eggs and shoving it into his mouth.

“Have you been crying?" Jinyoung asks softly instead of being upset about his lunch being stolen from him. He reaches up and smoothes a thumb underneath Bambam’s cheek, tender for a moment but the younger scoffs at him, his mouth full of food.

“Nah,” he answers, shaking Jinyoung’s hand away to lean on the benchtop. “Look.” He nods to the balcony and Mark’s eyes follow, surprised to see rain falling steadily outside. He doesn’t know when it started but it was at least long enough for it to ruin Bambam’s hair and makeup.

“I don’t cry over tall skinny playboys,” Bambam jokes, smugly looking up at Jinyoung. “Unlike some people.”

Jinyoung furrows his brows, more confused than annoyed at the comment. “When did I cry over that?” he asks, trying to think.

Bambam shrugs one shoulder and takes the plate, sitting next to Mark. He decides to steal some too but Bambam doesn’t stop him. Jinyoung whines for a little bit but doesn’t try to take it back, cooking another round of eggs for himself and joining them on the couch.

“Jaebeomie sent him a present,” Mark mutters. 

Bambam looks up at Jinyoung with wide eyes, chewing loudly. “And? Was it a dildo?”

Jinyoung looks at him in disgust, scoffing at him. Jaebeom is bold, that’s for sure, but he’s not  _ that _ bold and he’s definitely not the type of person to send something like that to Jinyoung, of all people. Bambam would definitely be that type of person, hence why he asked but Jinyoung’s reaction is worth it.

“It was a turtleneck,” he answers slowly. He doesn’t offer anything more and Bambam doesn’t ask. There’s no reason as to why he should but he’s known Jinyoung long enough to know when he’s lying.

So Bambam grins at him and says, “Show me, hyung.”

Jinyoung heaves a breath but does what he’s told, grabbing the turtleneck from Bambam’s room and throws it at him, lucky that it misses the plate in his lap. Bambam holds it up and judges it from top to bottom before pursing his lips. He hums in satisfaction. “I don’t mind it,” he concludes simply. “But then again, it’s probably a weird sex thing for him.”

“How do you know-” Mark starts but blinks, screwing up his face slowly. “Yeah, actually, it might be.”

Jinyoung hangs his head, embarrassed, but doesn’t fight it. They sit in silence for a few moments before Jinyoung sniffs, rubbing his eye. “I have to ask him out, don’t I?”

“That’s one way to interpret that,” Bambam comments.

“Get him before some music company CEO snags him for his pretty voice,” Mark says, leaning back into the couch. He throws his arm over the back of the couch while Jinyoung tries to figure out whether he should do what he just said. “It’s not like he won’t say yes.”

Jinyoung doesn’t answer because they both know Mark is right. The rain continues on and all is quiet for the time being. 

***

It’s surreal to see Jinyoung outside of his comfort zone, but thrilling. The turtleneck Jaebeom gifted him made every hair on Mark’s body stand up and made Bambam grin like a madman, his mind reeling with the possibilities of what he could work with.

But Jinyoung in a wig and a skirt is even more surreal. It takes a little bit for Mark to stop staring so obviously and it takes even longer for Bambam to make Jinyoung’s wig work but by the end of an two hours, his makeup is finished and his wig is secure with a red beret on the side of his head.

They decided on the second outfit that Bambam chose since it’s something Jinyoung would actually wear, albeit with a more masculine touch. The black and white plaid pants that Mark loves so much hug his legs and they were lucky Bambam’s shoes fit Jinyoung, His silver necklaces look pretty against the red shirt and Jinyoung’s form is well fit, snugly hugged. His blonde wig looks soft and it’s strange to see any difference in colour on Jinyoung but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.

“I’d fall for you,” Bambam says, surveying his work in the full length mirror as Jinyoung tries to pose in a way he likes. “I won’t touch it anymore. Or I’m going to get frustrated.”

“I really don’t suit jewelry,” Jinyoung mumbles, fiddling with the necklaces. He’s trying his best and that’s enough but his hands are a little shaky as he tries to shove them in his pockets casually.

Mark laughs, tapping his backside lightly to scold him. “Out of everything, that’s what you focus on? I’ve been trying to convince you to dye your hair for two years now.”

“Yeah, but I would never do that,” Jinyoung scoffs, as if bleaching your hair is so unheard of before. Bambam pulls a face and with his silver hair, the comment lands harder. Jinyoung snorts when Bambam glares at him. He fiddles with his wig a little, twirling it around his fingers.

Jinyoung’s nervous, it’s obvious. But he doesn’t pull the wig off and throw a tantrum. Bambam said he’d help with photos and they’ll be here for a little while if it’s him taking the shots but Mark will shoot with him to make him more comfortable if he asks. 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Jiyoung,” Mark chuckles, squeezing Jinyoung’s shoulder.

“I’m still me,” Jinyoung snaps back, flicking his hair over his shoulder. His wig isn’t as long as Mark’s but is longer than Bambam’s, reaching his shoulder blades. 

It takes three hours and a lot of arguing before anything comes out it until Jinyoung’s profile is set up. The first photos that Jiyoung ever posts are solo ones, the final being with Mark in an black on black outfit. Bambam did well with the lighting and Mark’s face is mostly hidden in the side of Jinyoung’s hair, his smile able to be seen. Bambam edited Mark’s hair to be black, to further hide himself since his red hair would be more recognisable.

For the most part, Jinyoung can’t be recognised. The way he wears Jiyoung is more cute, puffing out his cheeks and making his eyes wider, more innocent and sweet. His wig hides his jaw and Bambam mostly got angles that didn’t give away how wide his shoulders are. It takes a lot of work before Bambam is satisfied and for Jinyoung to stop staring at the photos in shock because he can’t believe it’s really him.

“You look good blonde,” Mark says as Jinyoung flops down on the bed, exhausted. “I think it’s cute. Too bad for your man shoulders.”

“We don’t body shame in this house,” Bambam retorts, shooting a smug look at Mark. “If we’re going to start with Jinyoung’s shoulders, let’s talk about the abyss that is your ass.”

“Speak for yourself,” Jinyoung fires back, leaning up on his elbows to look at the two of them. “Bambam, you’re a bag of bones.”

“And you’re chunky,” he shrugs, flicking through his phone. “At least I’m not a cuddler.”

“At least I see the sun more than twice a month,” Mark snaps back, leaving Jinyoung to toss his head back and laugh. “You’re gonna lose this fight. You’re the one that snores, that’s why neither of us wanted to room with you.”

Jinyoung nods, closing his eyes. “That, and you fart in your sleep.”

Bambam frowns, genuine confusion knitting his brows together. “Do I?”

“You didn’t know?” Jinyoung snaps, disgusted.

Bambam mimics his words childishly, sticking his tongue out at him. “How the fuck would I? I’m asleep.”

Jinyoung sighs and Mark doesn’t have it in him to fight back, considering that Bambam has a point. He just shrugs when Jinyoung shoots him a look and they drop it before it can explode back in their faces. Either that, or Bambam will just put salt in their coffee. He’s a sore loser when he wants to be.

The afternoon passes slowly. Jinyoung tries on another outfit to see what would best suit his body type. Bambam looks the best in dresses and Mark’s hips are just wide enough to make pencil skirts look sexy. Jinyoung’s legs are long and his backside is definitely something to be appreciated and as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, it’s his best feature to work with. Mark’s hands grab the most attention just like Bambam’s neck and cute way of typing; Jinyoung has to have his own asset to flaunt, no pun intended.

So they stick with form fitting pants, things that will hug him right and shape him. Black tends to slim one’s body down so he tries on a few pillowy shirts of Mark’s that he tuck in, moving his arms this way and that to see what will best hide his shoulders or at least make them look a little less masculine.

“Free offer,” Bambam says as he holds a skinny necklace up to Jinyoung’s neck, over a blue silky button up of Mark’s. “I’ll thread your eyebrows for you.”

Jinyoung smiles at him, all crescent eyes and no teeth, intended to be sarcastic. “Keep asking and it’s your balls that are going to hang from my rearview mirror.”

“Like a pair of fluffy dice!” Mark calls from the wardrobe, smiling innocently at Bambam’s pale face.

***

Surprisingly, their lives are pretty normal after what they have now dubbed,  _ The Jiyoung Scandal. _

Jinyoung doesn’t get recognised and a lot of Mark’s regulars seem to gravitate towards Jiyoung. She’s a mix of Bambi and Yien somehow, with her standoffishness showing through in the way she talks but her outfits having a pop that takes them from sleek and modern to just on the border of cute. 

For most of her career, Jiyoung doesn’t do much. Mark is the only reason Jiyoung gets any traffic online because he’s the one flirting for Jinyoung when he’s at work, too busy flirting with Jaebeom to reply to some random guy in his forties with a God complex. So Mark does the dirty work (literally) and gets Jinyoung’s bank account close to his numbers with nothing short of a thank you.

It’s nice to share a hobby. It’s a little unorthodox, to be fair, but it’s still nice. They shop for each other and keep each other safe, always on the lookout for someone who might not be the best fit for their personas. Admittedly, Bambam gets the worst of it and since he uploads videos sometimes, he gets the worst of the sexual comments that are soon deleted off his page by Mark.

But Jinyoung gets his first regular in the form of Jaebeom, surprisingly. From what Mark knows, Jinyoung hasn’t asked Jaebeom out. It’s been two weeks since the turtleneck in the mail and Jinyoung still has his tail between his legs, waiting for the right time to ask a smitten man to drown for him.

“It’s not like he won’t say yes,” Mark echoes, recalling their previous conversation.

“I know that,” Jinyoung answers, frustrated. “It’s just… God, I don’t know. He’s… He’s Im Jaebeom, heir to a huge record company. He’s rich, and pretty. He could have anyone he wants.”

“And?” Bambam questions, raising a brow at him. “You’re looking for reasons to not do it. Don’t sell yourself short.”

Jinyoung swallows and for the first time in a long time, Mark feels sorrow for the younger. Jinyoung is confident and petty. He knows exactly how to get what he wants and he leaves no room for anyone to doubt him. He’s the type that makes Mark want to follow him, because he’s a natural leader and he can be trusted. But Jinyoung doubting himself is a recipe that Mark doesn’t know how to serve and he takes a breath, trying to bounce off what Bambam has already said.

“Nyoungie,” he starts, sitting closer to him. “Just ask him. He’s been asking you for months, hasn’t he? And why wouldn’t he? You’re a total catch.”

“He likes you with those eyebrows so you might as well marry him,” Bambam mutters, eyes fixed on his phone. He intends the comment to be countered by Jinyoung but the latter does nothing. He simply stares at his hands as his lip twitches.

“I guess,” he mumbles, leaning against Mark. 

_ A sad and cuddly Jinyoung is not a good Jinyoung _ , Mark thinks as he closes his eyes, pulling the younger just that little bit closer. It’s not a  _ good _ thing but it’s not as if Mark is going to give up an opportunity to coo at Jinyoung.

Bambam eyes them for a few moments before he sighs exasperatedly. Mark thinks he might crack it at Jinyoung, call him out for being ridiculous but he sits down on the floor, next to Jinyoung’s legs and pulls Jinyoung’s hands onto his head. There’s no product in his hair and Jinyoung pulls it back softly, running his fingers through it slowly.

“Don’t doubt yourself,” Bambam says, closing his eyes. Jinyoung still has it in him to smile at him, scratching his nails against his scalp. “I haven’t met the guy, but surely if Mark-hyung approves of him, then he can’t be too bad.”

“He’s in love,” Mark says into Jinyoung’s hair. He rubs his hand up his spine soothingly, pressing his cheek against Jinyoung’s hair. “Jaebeomie is a nice guy, really. And he really likes you, Jinyoungie. He likes a challenge and you gave him one, so he fell really hard.”

“He’s him,” Jinyoung whispers. “And I’m me.”

“Who gives a shit,” Bambam spits, looking up at him. “Do you seriously think Mark-hyung would let someone play you? And if he’s rich, then you’re playing the right game. Snatch him up.” He holds up his hand and scrunches it into a fist, grinning to himself. 

Jinyoung smiles too, heaving a sigh. He doesn’t pull away from their little cuddle pile and Mark is grateful, soaking up as much love as he can before they all part. Bambam doesn’t move either surprisingly.

“Ask him out and see what happens,” Mark tells him quietly, leaving a small kiss on his head. “Don’t be afraid. He genuinely can’t say no, and if he does, I’ll beat the shit out of him.”

“Me too,” Bambam adds, smiling up at them. Mark grins at him as opposed to Jinyoung who shakes his head in disagreement, bunching up his hair between his fingers.

It’s times like these that Mark really has to be the eldest, because there’s no one else for Jinyoung to lean on. He doesn’t mind stepping up, especially when it’s Jinyoung that needs his reassurance and support. He’d do anything for his boys and that is nothing to be taken advantage of.

Jinyoung doesn’t say anymore but his smile is enough to reassure Mark. Bambam lets himself be pet and it’s domestic and sweet, calming and content. Mark smoothes his hand up Jinyoung’s spine once more and sighs, hoping it’s enough to let him know he’s there for him.

  
  


***

  
  


He should have thought about it beforehand but now that his mother has asked him, Youngjae really isn’t sure what he wants to do for his birthday. He’ll be twenty-three and that’s not overly exciting; it’s not like he’s turning twenty-one or eighteen. But his family has always been big on family celebrations and his birthday falls on a Friday, so he has the opportunity to return home.

He has no problem with going home. His mother’s homemade cake is too good to pass up. It’s only August but Youngjae’s birthday falls in the middle of the week and it’s better to plan his trip home in advance instead of waiting too long and panicking when it comes closer. His brother needs to take time off work to come home and Youngjae needs to clear out his schedule for university so he can spend his birthday stress free.

Being in class while trying to think about other things is difficult. Youngjae is trying to focus but his brother is texting him, trying to organise their dates so they can work with each other. They sort it out, Youngjae planning to come home for the weekend of his birthday as well as the Monday, willing to skip class considering he’s planning to have no work to do so he locks it in, already figuring out who to balance his schedule. He sighs, about to lock his phone but he decides to message Yien, just looking for some conversation. Class won’t end for a while and he knows his eyes won’t focus. He forgot his glasses in his dorm, having woken up late and rushing too much to get to class and forgetting the frames at home.

_ You busy?  _ he messages Yien, open for conversation and he knows she’s been online, her profile having been updated this morning. She suits form fitting clothes and a pantsuit was what she was wearing this morning, green and striped with simple converse instead of her usual classy heels.

_ I’m cooking, but that’s about it, _ Yien replies, sending an emoji back, a purple heart.  _ Aren’t you in class? _

_ CHOISJAE [11:04]  _

yeah but it’s boring and i forgot my glasses. i can’t see the notes lol

  
  


_ Yien [11:05] _

naughty boy, you should be more organised

but the thought of sleepy you seems really cute

send a photo, i want to know if your hair is messy

  
  


Youngjae sends a quick one back, just his eyes and the top of his head in the frame because he didn’t shave either but his hair is sticking up in a little sprout, bright blue swishing in the air. He should redye his hair soon, before he goes home so his hair doesn’t look weird in his birthday photos. 

  
  


_ Yien [11:06] _

oh my god

you look so cute

are you hiding from me?

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [11:07] _

no noona lol

i didn’t shave

and i’m in class, i’ll get caught

_ Yien [11:08] _

i get that, i hate when that happens

Youngjae frowns, confused at the message for a second. Do girls shave their faces? Obviously, most girls don’t have facial hair like him but do they shave? He’s heard of girls waving their face, specifically their eyebrows and upper lip but-

  
  


_ Yien [11:08] _

like when i put on an outfit but i haven’t shaved my legs or something

i don’t change my eyebrows though, my friends do

i don’t bother lol

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [11:09] _

i thought you meant you shave your face

i was really confused for a second, noona

_ Yien [11:09] _

some people do!

there’s little hairs from your hair but for boys, it just goes into your beard

some people shave their face so their foundation lays smoother

foundation is like paint for your face

_ CHOISJAE [11:10] _

really?

i didn’t know that

do you have to do your eyebrows?

  
  


_ Yien [11:12] _

some people do, but i can’t be bothered

i like thicker brows anyways

my roommate hates them and won’t leave me alone

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [11:13] _

tell her to back off, lol

you’re beautiful the way you are

  
  


_ Yien [11:14] _

aren’t you sweet? 

you’re cute, otter

i like your little sprout, it’s cute ):

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [11:16] _

thank you noona lol

you’re cuter though

_ Yien [11:17] _

don’t fight me, you’ll lose

i can do this all day and i’m not afraid to make you blush

  
  


Yien has been  _ like that _ recently with him, flirty and endearing. It’s been nice to have a change but at the same time, it’s not worth the minor freakouts he has after every single conversation. Yien hasn’t been too forward with him, nothing that would cross a line, which he’s been grateful for. It’s not that Yien isn’t attractive (by God, she’s something else when it comes to Youngjae) but it feels… wrong.

Well, wrong might be a little harsh. It feels like a waste of time because why should Yien spend her time talking to a broke college student with no friends and slightly repressed sex life? And why does Youngjae feel like he might be worth her time, that he’s different to all the men that sneak into her inbox with an overused pickup line? He’s no better than the next guy if this is how their conversations are ending. He has to be grateful he thinks more with his brain and his heart rather than his dick which sounds like a nice guy act but he can’t always win.

But what does he even say to her? That her words do make him flush and think about not so innocent things? Youngjae feels like he’s back in sixth grade, trying to figure out when is the best time to leave chocolates in his crush’s locker. But this isn’t elementary school and Youngjae’s crush isn’t someone he can just walk up to and confess to.

And who the fuck can he ask for advice? His brother will never let him hear the end of it and the whole reason he messages Yien was for company in his time of need. 

_ Whatever, _ he thinks as he pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling through his mouth loudly. Some of his classmates glance at him from disturbing the silence but he doesn’t apologise for it. He has his own issues too, get over it. And for now, so what if he has a crush? It’s not realistic in the slightest so he doubts his feelings will go anywhere. Youngjae’s not nearly emotionally available to fall in love with a girl he’s never met before and knows nothing about. Even thinking about it is absurd to him.

So the useless flirting with continue because Youngjae is simply a man who enjoys other people’s company, in whichever way it comes. Yien is the one who started it and he’s happy to continue it. He can keep it lowkey. He’s good at keeping things lowkey.

  
  


_ Yien [11:23] _

are you focusing on the lesson otter?

don’t be bad, i’ll be disappointed

you wouldn’t want to do that, would you? not to noona

  
  


Okay, maybe Youngjae can’t keep it lowkey.

He takes a breath again, puffs his cheeks out and prays to any God he can think of that his ears are as red as he thinks they are.

  
  


***

“What the fuck am I doing,” Mark spits to himself as he stares at the last message he sent Youngjae.

Flirting is one thing. Mark can flirt for anything he wants. He’s flirted his way out of parking tickets, into clubs, fuck, he’s even flirted for a higher grade with his language TA even though his grade was already in the eighties. Mark Tuan knows how to flirt.

So why the hell is flirting with Youngjae so taboo? Realistically, it’s not; Youngjae is a man and this is a part of Mark’s job as Yien. He  _ takes care _ of people like Youngjae when they’re lonely, in exchange for money. Only taking care of Youngjae means just talking to him, not talking dirty to him and hoping he’ll get a few more dollars in his account.

Youngjae is sweet even if Mark knows next to nothing about him. He’s interesting and fun to talk to, smart as well. That, and he’s really fucking cute. Mark isn’t the type to fall for any pretty guy he sees, he has standards (he’s not a Jaebeom) but Youngjae’s hair looks so silky and Mark is a sucker for his eyes. He doesn’t know what it is but Youngjae just looks so cute. And his cheeks! His cheeks are adorable, Mark just wants to squish them.

He’s had to hold himself back a few times to keep himself tame with Youngjae. He could go all out but he values Youngjae’s presence a little too much to randomly start talking about sex. That, and he really isn’t sure if Youngjae is comfortable with that kind of thing and Mark doesn’t want to risk it. Should he ask? No, that’s stupid. He was already being stupid with the comfortable nature of the start of their conversation. Youngjae mentioned shaving and Mark almost forgot that he’s not Mark, he’s  _ Yien _ and Yien definitely doesn’t have facial hair. He’s lucky he spends so much time watching makeup tutorials with Bambam or else he wouldn’t know that shaving your face is actually something people do so that their makeup glides on better.

He could have royally fucked up and given himself away at that moment so he’s lucky Youngjae has little to no suspicions of him and that he’s a good liar when it comes to protecting himself. That’s maybe not the coolest thing to brag about my Mark will take what he can get.

Mark puts his phone down, Youngjae having replied in the same fashion.  _ No, I’d hate to do that to you, noona. _ And yet again, he’s confusing himself as to why he finds Youngjae calling him noona so appealing. Youngjae would call him hyung if they weren’t in such a situation but it’s not always a perfect world. It’s fun to see how far he can push it, though. Mark likes a challenge and Youngjae is an enigma to him, something new to try and crack.

“Are you burning something?!” Bambam yells from his room and Mark swears, shoving his phone away as he quickly turns the stove off, grimacing at the ramen. He squints at it, shoving it around in the pot with his fork.

“Yeah, fuck,” Mark replies, pulling it out of the pot to serve it. It’s not burnt but it was on it’s way to being burnt, so thank God Bambam has a very impressive sense of smell. He wasn’t cooking for his roommate so it’s not like it matters. Bambam would throw a fit if he served him burnt  _ anything _ .

But before he can finish serving himself, the front door opens and Jinyoung steps in, his jacket thrown over his arm. He looks at Mark with wide eyes for a moment and it’s only then that he actually takes in what he’s looking at.

Jinyoung is nothing short of immaculate in his appearance. He makes three day old stubble look sexy and Mark will forever be enraged by that but that’s the joys of having Jinyoung as a friend. But now, his roommate’s hair isn’t styled and he has what looks like hickeys on his neck and that is something Jinyoung  _ never  _ has on his unblemished skin. His face is flushed and putting it lightly, he looks like he just got his shit rocked.

“Bambam,” Mark calls, not taking his eyes of Jinyoung and his roommate cursed, kicking off his shoes quickly and leaning against the door. “Come here, I need you to see something.”

“Dude, I already told you,” Bambam starts from behind the boor, pulling it open. “You’ll never be Gordan Ramsey, it’s just the facts.” He steps out and looks at Jinyoung who glares back at him, annoyed but the youngest grins at the sight he’s presenting with, leaning his arm on Mark’s shoulder as he looks at him from head to toe.

“I’m guessing someone lost their V card last night.”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, turning around to hang his jacket on the back of the door and oh, even his shirt is untucked. “You’re a little late, I lost that when I was seventeen.”

Bambam’s eyes widen and he glances at Mark in surprise. “Really? You lost it before Mark-hyung?”

“Why is it a competition?” Mark questions, frowning to himself. Twenty isn’t  _ that _ young to lose your virginity, right? Wait, this isn’t about him- “Jinyoungie, why do you have a hickey?”

Jinyoung slaps his neck quickly, his eyes growing wide. He glances over his shoulder at the two of them before shoving his way to the bathroom, checking his skin and yeah, there’s a bruise right underneath his jaw. “Fuck’s sake,” he sighs but even he can’t fight the grin that makes it to his lips, even when he looks in the mirror and meets Bambam and Mark’s twin gazes.

“Did you ask him out?” Mark asks softly, smiling at Jinyoung.

“Yeah,” he replies quickly. “Well, no. Not actually but- We, uh. We had sex. Twice.”

“Damn,” Bambam praises quietly. “In one night?”

“That’s not that impressive,” Mark comments. Well, it can be. But that depends on how hard Jinyoung decided to go which Mark isn’t entirely sure he wants to hear.

“No, last night and then this morning.” Jinyoung clears his throat, turning his back to the mirror to face them. “That’s why I didn’t come home. ‘Cause, well- I didn’t-” He flushes, averting his eyes for a moment and Mark grins at his shyness, cooing over him as he reaches out to hug him. 

Bambam pretends to vomit, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. “So, what? Are you going to ask him out or just keep fucking him and see how it ends?”

Jinyoung scowls at him, letting Mark squish his face a little. “I’m going to,” he defends, serious. “It just didn’t go as planned. I’ll do it later.”

Mark purses his lips, smoothing his hands through Jinyoung’s ruffled hair. “At least he knows you like him enough to fuck him.” He grimaces at his wording, apologising silently when Jinyoung shoots him a look. “You know what I mean. But you shouldn’t rely on that.”

“That’s a little bit of a fuck boy move,” Bambam adds, shaking his head. “Tell him tonight or I’ll tell him for you.”

Jinyoung sighs, taking Mark’s hands away from his shoulders when they come down. “Yeah, I will,” he promises, meeting Bambam’s eyes. “It’s not like I wasn’t going to. I just got…”

“Sidetracked?” Mark offers when Bambam says, “Horny?”

Jinyoung makes an awkward face, clearly not wanting to give anymore details than he already has so Bambam holds his hands up in surrender, shrugging. He’ll get his answers eventually, but not today. Mark pulls away from Jinyoung to give him some space to breath and collect himself, since he obviously didn’t intend on coming home and being found out immediately. He gives Jinyoung a small smile before closing the bathroom door behind him.

He should message Jaebeom. No, bad idea, considering Jinyoung hasn’t asked him out. That will make the situation look bad, as if Mark is snooping around for Jinyoung. And he doesn’t want to talk to Bambam about this because it will just end up with the younger psychoanalysing Mark and making him rethink everything he thought he knew about human relationships.

It’s not his business but it’s nice to see Jinyoung… happy? Fulfilled? Okay, that sounds gross. But it is genuinely warming to see him smiling when it’s not as a result of Bambam doing something stupid in public. And Jaebeom is a perfect fit for him, a little mellow but funny and sweet. He’s a gentleman when he wants to be and it seems he got Jinyoung, hook line and sinker.

_ Do you think it’s nice to see other people in love?  _ he asks Youngjae later that night, passing it off as a general question.  _ Does that make sense? _

Youngjae’s response comes five minutes later.  _ It’s nice, I think. I don’t think I’m much of a romantic, though. _

_ You don’t want someone to sweep you off your feet? Call you princess? _

_ Nah, not really, noona. I’d rather share what I love with someone I love. Like hobbies and interests, get to know them or whatever. _

_ That sounds cliche _ , Mark replies, because it does but it’s not out of pocket. It sounds normal, and nothing like anything Mark has ever really experienced. He’s had relationships, sure, but nothing concrete or anything that lasted for more than six months. He doesn’t actually know if he’s ever genuinely been in love.

_ Have you ever been in love?  _ he types to Youngjae but immediately decides against it. If he’s so skeptical about flirting with Youngjae, he probably shouldn’t try and ask him about his love life. That’s a line Mark has absolutely no right to cross.

Instead, he says,  _ but I like that. The cliche thing. I guess I’ve just been thinking. _

_ Are you in love, noona? _

Mark can’t help but smile at the naivety of the question.  _ No, otter. I guess I’m just a romantic, unlike you. _

_ Someone will sweep you off your feet one day, noona. But you’re stuck with me for now lol _

Mark grins, his cheeks flushing just a little bit of the thought of having someone like that. He thinks it’d be nice, to have someone to call his own. Someone he gets excited about at just the sight of their contact on his phone.

  
_ And you have noona to keep you company for now, _ he sends back to Youngjae and wonders why he hasn’t stopped blushing yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully this works lol but if you notice that this is now a part of a series, you can read my friend's fic which is based on jjp's night together mentioned in this fic. it is smut, so be warned!  
> thank you for reading once again ^^


	6. Chapter 6

Working a normal job and being a catfish is a little out of pocket, but it’s funny. Mark used to work with Jinyoung until he got moved to another department. Sometimes, Bambam comes into his work sometimes since they have the same manager across both clothing stores but for the most part, Mark is by himself.

He likes his day job, since he gets to express himself through fashion and accessories. Mark’s always had a talent for fashion and he and Bambam don’t hesitate to dress up when they want to, even though Jinyoung can be the most bland out of the three of them.

Even now, Mark doesn’t consider himself dressed up since he’s at work but his manager looked him up and down in surprise, complimenting him on the outfit choice when all Mark had done was throw on Jaebeom’s turtleneck, skinny jeans and Bambam’s three inch heels.

It’s a slow day but he doesn’t mind. It’s relaxing and Mark needs to do stocktake, anyways. He’s not the only one working today and his shift will end at five and he has dinner penciled in with Jaebeom. They haven’t spoken in a few weeks and the last Mark heard about him was that Jinyoung had been planning to ask him out. He supposes he’ll get the gossip tonight.

His phone goes off a few times when he’s in the back and he snags a look at it briefly, trying to finish his work as quickly as he can. But the message is from Jaebeom and immediately, Mark hears the man’s voice on the floor of the store, asking to speak to him.

One of his coworkers directs Jaebeom to the counter and Mark comes out of the back, meeting his eyes with a smile. “Hey, stranger,” he greets and Jaebeom grins at him, saluting him from his eyebrow. “You’re early. What’s up?”

“I got off work early,” Jaebeom answers, scratching behind his ear. He lends on the doorframe of the backroom, watching Mark curiously after eyeing up the stock shelves. “Perks of working for yourself, technically.”

Mark rolls his eyes. “Some of us can’t sit in an office for eight hours a day and play Lego Star Wars.”

“It was Portal, today, actually,” Jaebeom laughs. “Played it with my intern.”

Mark puts his clipboard down, throwing his hands up in anguish. “That’s what you’re teaching him?” Oh, to be Jaebeom’s intern and play Portal all day.

Jaebeom raises his eyebrows and shrugs, pressing his head to the doorframe with a sigh. “It was either that or I let him stand behind me in the studio in complete silence.”

Mark grimaces and Jaebeom nods to him with wide eyes, as if that’s the worst thing that could ever happen in Jaebeom’s line of work. They never really expand on their work, even though Mark’s line of night job is what brought them to know each other in the first place. Jaebeom has a favourite intern that he’s never named, but Mark knows that he’s young and new, assigned to Jaebeom for training.

Mark’s shift ends and as he hikes his bag over his shoulder, he knocks Jaebeom’s shoulder with his knuckles. “Work was good?” he asks softly, linking his arm through his swiftly.

“Yeah, it was good.” Jaebeom sniffs, pulling out his keys and Mark smiles at him. “Do you want me to follow you home and you come with me?”

Mark shakes his head, sighing. “As much as I love your car, I can just drive mine. Don’t worry about me, I’ll meet you at the restaurant, yeah?”

Jaebeom nods and pulls away from Mark in the car park, heading back to his own car. Mark gets going first and he peaks in his rear view mirror, smiling at Jaebeom’s car. It’s a different one, a red lamboghini this time and Mark is jealous that Jaebeom is so damn rich for no fucking reason but he’s at least lucky that he’s allowed to drive Jaebeom’s car, should he ever ask.

“So,” Mark says when he steps out of his car, grimacing at how their cars look together in the back end of the restaurant’s parking space. His car is ugly, to say the least, and the air conditioner only sometimes works. That, and it’s Jinyoung’s car too. They really should get another, now that they’re not struggling to eat every day and Bambam can’t drive so there’s no chance of him totaling it.

He looks at Jaebeom who raises his eyebrows in prompting, so Mark smiles, waving him off.    
"Let’s go. I’m hungry and I want to know if this place is any good. Bambam recommended it.”

“Well, it’s Thai,” Jaebeom answers, opening the front door and asking for a table for two, under his name. “I’m sure he’d know if it was good or not. Doesn’t he always talk about his mother’s cooking?”

“You really know a lot about me,” Mark mumbles but nods in agreement. “Neither Jinyoung or I have ever had her food but it’s apparently too good to forget. He always brings it up when he cooks for us.”

Jaebeom smiles at that, tugging on Mark’s arm to lead him to their table. “That’s sweet, actually. That he cooks for you. Is it nice to have roommates?”

“It’s nice when they’re not the biggest bitches on the planet,” Mark scoffs. He thanks Jaebeom for pulling his chair out for him, a perfect gentleman, and Mark can understand why Jinyoung fell for him. Speaking of Jinyoung, he really should ask about that.

“Have you and Jinyoungie figured it out?” he asks softly, crossing his arms over the table. A waitress comes past and gives them menus, smiling brightly before disappearing.

Jaebeom blinks at him before his cheeks flush a little bit, which pretty much tells Mark everything he needs to know. “Well, we’re… something. I really like him, but you already knew that.”

“I certainly did,” Mark smiles, happy with the response. He scans the menu, expecting that to be the end of the conversation since he and Jaebeom don’t pry with each other’s personal lives often, despite them being closely intertwined now.

But Jaebeom has other plans. “How’s your boy?” he asks, glancing up from his menu and he smirks when Mark squints at him. “It’s only fair that I ask about your boy since you asked about mine. It’s polite conversation.”

Mark rolls his eyes. “It’s a tactic. You’re being manipulative.”

“Such a strong word,” Jaebeom hushes, gasping dramatically. “You really think I would do that to you?”

“Didn’t you just do that?”

“Who says I did?”

“Jaebeom,” Mark warns, raising his eyebrows. Jaebeom widens his eyes, ever so innocent but neither of them are buying. “He’s not my boy. But he’s good.”

“I forget that you like younger men.”

Mark smacks the table and Jaebeom makes a noise immediately, challenging him. “Be quiet. You went after Jinyoung.”

“We’re born in the same year?” Jaebeom questions, suddenly not sure. He even counts the months between their birthdays on his fingers while Mark chuckles at him, impressed by his stupidity.

They drop the conversation to order, back to their regular program but as much as Mark would like to think that Jaebeom is dumb enough to forget something important, he’s back onto project Youngjae, crossing his arms over the table. He smiles sweetly but Mark knows it’s fake, meeting his eyes cautiously.

“This seems like another Jaebeom incident,” he says, pointedly looking at Mark. “Are you sure it’s not?”

“He’s cute,” Mark admits, fiddling with his water glass for a moment. “And different. I think he’s a sweet kid, if anything. I was lucky with you. I don’t think I’ll be so lucky this time if I even get that far.”

It’s not that Youngjae is a bad person, or at least Mark doesn’t think he is. But Jaebeom was a once in a lifetime thing and when Mark told him that he wasn’t actually a girl, he didn’t really expect him to stick around. But Jaebeom turned out to be a friend he could count on and now he’s ‘dating’ his roommate. Jaebeom feels like family and he’s something Mark was lucky to find in the first place, especially in his line of work.

But finding that again is a pipedream at best. Youngjae and Mark didn’t get into whatever the hell they are now with the intention of anything serious. It’s taken them four months to even  _ flirt _ with each other so Mark highly doubts anything is going to come from it.

“He’s cute,” Mark repeats, earning a hum from Jaebeom. He doesn’t comment at all, allowing Mark to talk if he wants to and he simply sighs, averting his gaze. “I don’t know, dude. He's just cute. It’s nice to talk to someone who I know next to nothing about.”

Jaebeom smiles at him, his eyes like crescent moons. “Yeah, that’s why people download dating apps, hyung.”

Mark throws a peanut from the centre of the table at him and scoffs. “Rich of you to pull the hyung card with me. You’re just as bad as Bambam.”

“I’ve heard a lot about that kid,” Jaebeom muses, grinning like the cheshire cat. “Should I be concerned?”

Mark throws another peanut at him before resorting to just throwing them into Jaebeom’s mouth, since he tries to catch them. “Yeah, he’ll beat the shit out of you just to steal your wallet. Keep your phone on you if you ever visit our apartment.”

Jaebeom nods, chewing quietly before he clicks his tongue. “I haven’t gotten that privilege yet. I think Jinyoung likes my apartment too much.”

“Well, there’s that,” Mark says, spying their food as it comes to them, “and there’s no sex in my bed. Mine and Jinyoung’s bed, that is.”

Jaebeom can’t help but laugh at that, most likely already aware of that rule but Mark doesn’t need to know the ins and outs of his and Jinyoung’s conversations or lack there of about where they can and can’t have sex. Mark and Jinyoung are close but there’s a line that even they won’t cross for the other.

Dinner is nice and there’s no way Mark was going to pay; Jaebeom wouldn’t have let him anyway. However, Mark is able to convince Jaebeom to let him switch their cars, just for a bit of fun. Jaebeom does well in Mark’s awful car and it’s fun to switch, especially when Mark gets to speed up and cruise down the roads. The engine is smooth and beautiful and Mark blasts the radio, Jaebeom’s phone hooked up with some of his new songs there. It suits the mood, even though the lyrics are questionable and when he pulls up to Jaebeom in his parking lot, he rolls the window down and grins at him.

“I see you like this one,” Jaebeom comments, leaning on the roof as he gazes into the car. “I’ve only got two, though. So don’t take this one for granted.”

“It’s sexy,” Mark says, running his hand over the dashboard. He doesn’t want to get out but he has to go home so he steps out, throwing himself into Jaebeom’s arms when the door closes. Jaebeom grunts but wraps his arms around his waist, hooking his chin over his shoulder.

“Thanks for dinner,” Mark says, letting himself be held because Jaebeom is affectionate on the best of days and he genuinely gives a good cuddle. Nothing beats Jinyoung but Jaebeom comes quite close.

“You’re welcome,” Jaebeom whispers, squeezing Mark back before letting him go. They smile at each other before Jaebeom looks at him and smiles. “Take care of yourself, won’t you?”

Mark blinks at him, smiling strangely. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Jaebeom shrugs, opening his car door slowly before looking back at Mark, pursing his lips. “I don’t know, I just worry sometimes about you.”

“I’m fine, Beommie,” Mark says, reaching up to ruffle his hair. “You’d know if I wasn’t. I trust you.”

Jaebeom nods, looking down. His voice is quiet when he says, “Not everything’s a Jaebeom incident.”

Not everything is a Jaebeom incident but then again, Mark isn’t as stupid as people might think. He doesn’t fall for strangers on the internet and he certainly knows how to protect himself. If not, he’s got Jinyoung and Bambam and now Jaebeom. He’ll be fine with his three bodyguards. Well, his two bodyguards and skinny roommate with too many pairs of three inch heels.

“Not everything’s a Jaebeom incident,” he echoes, grinning at Jaebeom. They laugh at each other before Jaebeom mumbles a goodbye, swinging himself into his car. His car makes a lot of noise, revving down the road even after it disappears around the corner and Mark already misses it and its owner, shaking his head at himself.

“I’m home,” he announces when he steps through the front door, nodding to Bambam who’s shirtless in the kitchen, his thick glasses shoved up his nose. “Why are you naked?”

“I’m wearing pants,” Bambam defends, sticking his leg out to show his sweatpants. “You wish I was naked.”

“I really don’t,” Mark grimaces, slapping him in the shoulder. “Is Jinyoung home?”

Bambam nods to the balcony. “Yeah, he’s talking to his sister outside. How was your date with the rich boy? Do I need to tell hyung you’re a homewrecker?”

Mark shoves his knee into Bambam’s ass, glaring at him. “Ew, no thank you. Jaebeom’s cute but he’s Jinyoungie’s man. You don’t even know what he looks like.”

Bambam shrugs, jumping away from Mark when he goes to pull the elastic of his sweatpants. “I don’t think I want to. Surprise me.”

“Long hair,” Mark prompts, gaging Bambam’s reaction but before he can reply, Jinyoung steps back into the apartment, sliding the door closed behind him. He looks between the two of them blankly, blinking slowly like a cat before Bambam waves obnoxiously at him, making Jinyoung sigh.

“How’s Jaebeom?” he asks, not able to hide the softness of his voice. 

“He’s good,” Mark answers, leaning on the kitchen counter. “Still very in love with you. Asked me about Youngjae.”

“And your response was…?” Bambam asks, looking at him curiously. Mark only just now realises that his hair is pulled back and he hasn’t shaved yet, looking all natural and nothing like normal everyday Bambam, which is endearing to say the least.

“It was nothing,” he says, looking down at his hands. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

Jinyoung scoffs, raising an eyebrow. He’s known Mark long enough to know when he’s lying right to his face. “Sure there is, but I’ll let you go this time.”

Mark knocks on the counter, deciding to shower before he gets bombarded with questions from his roommates. He can’t escape Jinyoung when they go to sleep but luckily, he doesn’t say anything, busying texting Jaebeom goodnight. Mark crawls into bed next to him, face down in his pillow already. Jinyoung eventually switches off his phone and rolls himself onto Mark’s back, deadweighting himself onto him and making him groan.

“I don’t want to talk about Youngjae,” Mark mumbles. Jinyoung rolls off him so he can speak before sighing, lying on his back.

“Just watch yourself,” he says quietly, nothing more.

Mark doesn’t reply but he does roll himself over to snuggle up to Jinyoung, holding him close. Jinyoung doesn’t say anything, pulling him over and keeping him warm. Mark is happy to fall asleep like that, just like always.

  
  


***

Bambam clicks his pen obnoxiously, the chains from the arms of his glasses dangling around him. The gold of the chain glitters in the sunlight and it reflects on Jinyoung's pretty skin, which Mark is staring at in a trance. 

Bambam throws his pen and hits Mark in the neck, making him wheeze. "Birthday plans. Who are you friends with?"

Mark blinks and almost says  _ Youngjae _ before sniffing, annoyed. In Korea, he doesn't have a lot of friends but he does have a few, proving Bambam wrong. "Minhyuk, and Peniel. You can invite some people if you want. Jaebeom is coming whether he likes it or not."

"Then I'll bring Yukhei," Bambam answers, jotting down the names in his small notebook. "And Lisa, and Seokmin. Maybe Minghao and Mingyu, too. Jinyoung-hyung, do you want to bring anyone?" Mark is starting to think this might not be his party anymore but it doesn’t matter.

Jinyoung spies the book, scanning the list for himself. "Invite Doyoung. And… Wonpil?"

"Wonpil!" Mark exclaims, smacking his arm. "Yes, invite him. Does Jaebeom have anyone he can bring? His intern assistant guy?"

"Is he cute?" Bambam asks bluntly, getting punched by Jinyoung.

"I'll see," Jinyoung dismisses, already smiling at his phone as he starts to type a text out. 

Mark wants it to be small, just with a couple friends since his family aren’t in the country. But his friends can invite mutual friends, especially since Jinyoung happens to be now dating one of his close friends. Jaebeom has a strict rule of not mixing personal people and work people but Mark has a feeling his new intern will be a lot of fun, just because of how Jaebeom talks about him so fondly.

Mark crosses his legs and fishes out his phone to see if there’s anyone he’s forgetting. But he lands himself in Youngjae’s messages when he unlocks his phone, half of a greeting already typed out. They haven’t spoken in a week or so, with Youngjae being busy and Mark being… well, he’d like to call himself busy but his daily schedule is no more chaotic than it usually is. 

It must be ridiculous to anyone if they were to watch how his brain works but he types out a message, swallowing his pride for once and sending it first. It’s not often that he starts a conversation with Youngjae but just to be clear, he sends back Youngjae’s most recent shipment of money which happens to be under ten dollars and smiles as he makes his way to the balcony for a silent and calm atmosphere. He’s lucky his roommates don’t question him.

  
  


_ Yien [18:44] _

we’ve not spoken in a while

how are you?

my roommate won’t leave me alone about my birthday celebrations

  
  


“Why the fuck would you mention that?” Mark curses at himself, already trying to figure out how to delete his message but Youngjae is faster, his little speech bubble already signalling that he’s typing a reply.

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [18:45] _

we haven’t noona but i don’t mind

and ten dollars back?? why lol

i’m alright, the same actually

my family is asking about my birthday too

when is yours?

  
  


_ Yien [18:47] _

september 4th, so next week, yours?

and you shouldn’t have to pay to talk to me, you know this

will you have a big celebration otter?

_ CHOISJAE [18:48] _

september 17th! so in three weeks

then i’ll try not to send money anymore ;^;

and no haha i’ll be at home with family

i don’t really have anyone to celebrate it with on campus

  
  


Mark sighs at that and feels his subconscious split in half just from the reaction. Half of him is telling him he’s stupid for wanting to cheer Youngjae up and the other half is selfish, indulgent in the feeling that Youngjae gives him. If it were different, and they were just friends with no secrets, would Mark even offer to come see him? Internet friends do it all the time, don’t they?

He sighs again, closing his eyes. “So why the hell am I overthinking this…?” Mark mumbles to himself, closing his eyes. He squeezes them shut just to make them hurt before opening them, trying to think of a response.

_ Yien [18:50] _

i’d rather spend it with my family, honestly

not that i don’t love my friends

but a smaller celebration can be more meaningful than a big one

i’ll be sure to message you for your birthday otter

_ CHOISJAE [18:51] _

will you not see your family at all?

thank you noona, i’ll cherish it <3

  
  


Mark smiles at that, the sweetness of the message making him feel warm. He’s come very close to spilling some secrets to Youngjae and right now, he just might at the mention of his family but Youngjae isn’t finished, still typing and making Mark overthink.

  
  


_ CHOISJAE [18:52] _

this might be a little unorthodox but

could i ask for your phone number?

  
  


_ Don’t freak out, _ Mark thinks as he shivers from that. It’s nothing big, it’s just a phone number. Jaebeom asked for it all those months ago too and look where they are now. But Jaebeom isn’t Youngjae and Mark isn’t  _ Mark _ to Youngjae. There’s a different level of familiarity and although everything that Mark has told Youngjae about himself isn’t technically a lie (minus the fact that his roommates are all women to Youngjae), Youngjae doesn’t know  _ him _ .

But at the same time, Mark is already replying with his phone number with an obvious request that Youngjae message him there. And he does, greeting Mark with a  _ good evening noona _ and even sending a heart that makes Mark smile like an idiot.

And if Mark saves Youngjae’s contact as  _ Otter _ with a blue heart, he doesn’t have to tell anyone.

  
  


_ Otter [18:56] _

good evening noona 

<3

  
  


_ Yien [18:58] _

good evening otter

and to answer your question about my family

i have a big family and they’re currently in america

_ Otter [19:00] _

on holiday?

  
  


_ No going back now _ , Mark thinks as he braces himself for the reply.

  
  


_ Yien [19:01] _

no

they live there

sorry do you mind if we don’t get into that right now?

  
  


_ Otter [19:03] _

yeah sure that’s fine

sorry noona i didn’t mean to upset you

): <3

  
  


_ Yien [19:05] _

you didn’t, it’s okay otter

you’re cute i could never be mad at you

_ Otter [19:06] _

noona you’re cuter

i hope your family can call you for your birthday

I’ll message you later, i should get back to homework

have a good night noona

_ Yien [19:09] _

you too, otter

i’ll message you tonight, good luck with your homework

  
  


Youngjae doesn’t reply and Mark doesn’t feel strange for once. It makes his chest feel warm, that Youngjae is so kind to him. It’s selfish and he should feel guilty but humans are guilty creatures and Mark is none the wiser. Nothing will come from it and Mark will get over it in due time but for now, it’s sweet and Mark is indulgent and inconsiderate because such is life.

He startles when there’s a knock on the glass door. He throws his phone up and almost drops it over the balcony but he snatches it back and turns around with wide eyes, his heart beating out of his chest but it’s just Jinyoung with a hand in his pocket, the other gesturing to why the hell Mark is still outside.

Mark looks away, ignoring his roommate and Jinyoung gives up, his shadow moving away. Mark does come back inside after calming himself down, shooting a glare at Bambam who squints at him in suspicion.

“Were you on a date or were you crying?” he asks with a smirk, looking up at Mark.

“Maybe I did both,” Mark responds, snappily, rolling his eyes. “You don’t need to know. You don’t know me.”

Bambam stares at him for a second before looking around frantically. “God, how did you get in here? I have no idea who this man is.”

“You’re an idiot,” Mark chuckles, shucking off his slipper to fling it at Bambam. It soars over his head, only because he ducks his head. He does throw it back and Mark catches it, putting it back on his foot. 

“Okay, leave this to me,” Bambam announces, standing up with his notebook in his hand. “I’ll send out invites and plan it all so you can ignore it and pretend it’s not happening.”

Mark smiles at him, leaning back on the balcony door. “Thank you, Bam,” he says sincerely, reaching out to take Bambam’s hand to hold it. “Really. I appreciate it.”

Bambam looks at him incredulously. “Are you dying?

Mark squeezes his hand and shakes his head, chuckling again. “No, I’m just grateful. Take it before I take it back.”

Bambam grabs Mark’s hand and kisses it obnoxiously, forcing him to snatch his hand back. He grins like a fool at Mark, laughing stupidly before dancing away. He hides half his face in the doorway, watching Mark as he crosses the floor to his own room. He laughs at the younger who just watches him before slamming his door shut. Mark muses at him, shutting his own door behind him and Jinyoung frowns at him but doesn’t ask any questions.

“Photoshoot?” Mark asks, pointing at the blonde wig in the corner and that alone is enough to get Jinyoung roll over and not question him. He smiles to himself, grateful for the distraction.

  
  


***

If there’s one thing Bambam knows how to do, it’s plan a party.

He listens to Mark’s request and keeps it small, inviting a few of his friends, Jinyoung’s and Mark’s too. Jaebeom is already there when Mark comes home from work at six in the evening, waving at him over the couch. Jinyoung looks up too, smiling as he connects his phone to the speakers, pulling up one of Mark’s playlists.

“I’ve already been told that my music taste is not allowed to be exposed tonight,” he says, waving the phone at him. “Bambam isn’t home yet.”

“So, I have time to dye my hair?” Mark asks, leaning on the couch to tangle his fingers in Jaebeom’s hair in lieu of a greeting. Jinyoung nods so Mark grabs what he needs. People won’t show up for another few hours but Mark needs to redye his hair and he waited way too long to do it so now he’s paying for it.

Luckily, Jaebeom seems to be an expert and he barges into the bathroom when Mark calls for Jinyoung, gloves already on. Mark stares at him before shrugging, swinging his towel around his shoulders, looking at himself in the mirror.

“You’re so skinny,” Jinyoung observes from the doorframe, crossing his arms. Jaebeom snorts as he parts Mark’s hair appropriately, careful to not get anything on his scalp. Mark likes this set up a lot better than when Bambam dyes his hair, purely because Jaebeom is gentle and precise. But Mark only trusts Bambam to bleach his hair so that’s another subject for another day.

Jaebeom is silent as he does what he’s told, not commenting on Mark being on his phone. He almost thinks about taking a photo and sending it to Youngjae but he’d rather not screw everything up on his birthday. He’s not in the mood.

But there’s already a message from Youngjae and Mark doesn’t catch his own smile in the mirror but Jaebeom certainly does, beginning to hum to himself knowingly.

  
  


_ Otter [15:36] _

happy birthday noona! i hope you have a good time with your birthday party

don’t drink too much but if you do, remember to drink water

i’m not doing anything tonight so i’ll be here if you need :)

  
  


_ Yien [18:42] _

thank you otter, i appreciate it

people won’t be here for a while so my roommate’s boyfriend is redyeing my hair red lol

he’s surprisingly good

_ Otter [18:45] _

you dye your hair? :0 

red? 

i thought your hair was brown?

  
  


“You’re a fucking idiot,” Jaebeom says as Mark pales at what he’s just said. “You really didn’t think that through at all.”

It’s not that big of a deal, Mark can lie his way out of it but he’s really hoping Youngjae is dense as hell so he can get away with this. He holds his phone to his chest so that Jaebeom won’t see it and Jinyoung frowns at his boyfriend, confused. Maybe Mark should stop referring to Jaebeom as such when it’s not officially official but whatever.

“He told Youngjae he’s dyeing his hair red. But as Yien.”

“Ah,” Jinyoung deadpans and promptly leaves, not pleased with the conversation. He’s never pleased by obvious stupidity. Mark swallows the pride he just lost from that one text message and tries to formulate a response before he ruins everything even more.

  
  


_ Yien [18:50] _

uhh yeah i dye my hair a red brown?

like a ruddy brown

it shows up more in real life, not so much on photos

well that and i haven’t dyed it for a while as i said lol

  
  


_ Otter [18:52] _

ohh i thought you meant like bright red

i’m sure you look pretty no matter what!

i have to redye my hair soon

  
  


_ Yien [18:53] _

send photos when you do!

i would send some of me but i’m running against the clock right now

birthday parties are stressful

  
  


_ Otter [18:55] _

you can do it noona

i hope you have a good night :)

  
  


“He bought it,” Mark says quietly, completely taken aback. Jaebeom gives him a hum in reply, saying nothing more. “I didn’t think that would work.”

“Jinyoung gave you the braincell for today,” Jaebeom finally says, meeting Mark's unimpressed look in the mirror with a goofy smile. “Was that not funny?”

“Yeah, it really aged me. Thanks for the reminder that I’m not young anymore.”

Jaebeom puffs out his cheeks, making an awkward face. “Nobody likes you when you’re twenty-six and now I know why.”

Mark elbows him in the leg, forcing a grunt from him but they don’t say anything else to each other, Jaebeom finishing up and pulling his gloves off, throwing them in the trash can. He grabs a few tissues and wets them to clean up Mark’s ears. Mark grimaces at the feeling but lets him, shooting him a smile.

“You look nice,” he comments, looking Jaebeom up and down. And he does, with his loose pants and old band t-shirt. His hair looks soft, silver earrings dangling prettily and he smiles at Mark’s compliment, pinching his arm. He heads out, leaving Mark to follow with his head full of hair dye, flashing Jinyoung a weird smile.

“Is playing Jaebeom’s music at your birthday party bad taste?” Jinyoung asks instead of responding to Mark’s weird expression.

Jaebeom flushes and nods frantically, flustered. “Turn it off.”

“Why?” Jinyoung questions, smug. “I’ve heard the lyrics. Is it really poor taste?”

“Extremely poor taste,” Mark barks, already uncapping a bottle of vodka and pouring it into a red cup. He looks at it in disgust for a moment before he laughs at the absurdity. “Did Bambam buy these specifically because of American high school movie?”

“That’s precisely why he bought them,” Jinyoung answers with wide eyes, impressed. Jaebeom just snorts. Mark toasts his drink to that, downing it quickly.

Bambam shows up before Mark has to wash his hair out and yells at him to get out of the kitchen, dumping the groceries on the bench. He parades everyone around, even if it’s only Jinyoung and Jaebeom and gets to work with setting up drinks, bowls of food and turning on the oven so he can fix up nachos for whatever reason. He shoves a spoonful of guacamole into Jaebeom’s mouth when he steps into the kitchen to mix up a drink of his own before meeting Jaebeom’s eyes, asking silently for his opinion.

“It’s good,” Jaebeom replies, a hand over his mouth. “I’m guessing you’re Bambam?”

“You would be correct.” Bambam sniffs and shoves his glasses up onto his face before glancing at Jaebeom. “You must be the hot rich guy Jinyoung-hyung’s obsessed with.”

“He has a name,” Jinyoung retorts while Jaebeom just laughs, ever the charmer. Mark simply rolls his eyes at the show of domesticity and decides he should rinse his hair out and dry it before people actually start showing up. 

It takes half an hour before he steps out of the bathroom and he’s lucky he picked out his outfit yesterday, like a high school student but whatever. Jaebeom compliments him too, especially since he’s wearing the turtleneck and Mark says that Jinyoung should wear the turtleneck that Jaebeom gave him but he gets punched for that.

Yukhei is next to show up, as well as Peniel and Minhyuk. Lisa is next and she immediately greets Bambam with a super long hug, her heels making her almost his height. Yukhei joins in too and Doyoung shoves past them, greeting Jinyoung warmly. Wonpil runs late but he brings a few people in with him, saying they rode the elevator up together and Mark recognises Seokmin, Minghao and Mingyu but Mark pales when he sees who stands behind all of them.

Yugyeom is shy next to Wonpil, bowing his head to Jinyoung in greeting who is none the wiser. Jaebeom waves at Yugyeom from the living room and it finally clicks why the hell he’s here.

“How do you know him?” Mark asks quietly, before Jaebeom can move to say hello to Yugyeom, even though he already knows the answer. Minghao and Mingyu are already in the kitchen, mixing drinks for themselves and Seokmin waves at Bambam who’s outside, smiling ear to ear. 

Jaebeom glances at him, smiling with a frown. “He’s my intern? The one I always talk about?”

Mark nods and smiles awkwardly at him, ducking his head to Yugyeom when he strides over. His hair is just like it was in the photo Bambam showed him, his eyes sweet and innocent. He even hands Mark a gift, someone he doesn’t even know and it’s a small candle, quickly becoming one of Mark’s favourite scents.

“Happy birthday, I’m sorry it’s not much,” Yugyeom says softly and Mark coos at him, ready to adopt a tall boy he met five seconds ago. “I didn’t really know what to get...”

Jaebeom touches Yugyeom's shoulder, ever polite and Mark just smiles at them, thrilled to finally meet Yugyeom. Bambam was right, there’s not a chance Yugyeom could ever hurt anyone. He just gave Mark, a man he’s never even met, a birthday present without any prior knowledge and Mark might just call this whole party off and cuddle him to death.

But then again, this isn’t about Mark anymore. He excuses himself quickly and Yugyeom doesn’t mind, chatting idly with Jaebeom as Mark slips out to the balcony, shutting the door behind him as he meets Bambam’s eyes. Lisa is there too, with Doyoung and Mark clicks his fingers, waving his arm at Bambam to get him to come to the corner of the balcony.

“We have a problem,” Mark hisses to him, grabbing his hands. “Yugyeom is here.”

Bambam blinks at him, his smile dropping completely. His skin pales and his hands clench around Mark’s and it’s suddenly too cold outside. It’s like everything happens in slow motion and Bambam looks down, completely floored. Mark never sees him like this because Bambam being anything that’s not confident is terrifying and Mark is seeing it in real time.

“Y-Yugyeom is here…” Bambam breathes. He glances over his shoulder but he can’t see inside from the balcony, from where Mark pulled him to. “Why is he here? Who the fuck knows him?”

Mark squeezes his hands to keep him from spiralling, to keep him in the moment. “He’s Jaebeom’s intern. Basically his assistant, I think.”

“So what the fuck do I do?” Bambam snaps, shaking his hands. “Mark. Seriously. What the fuck?”

“Just- I don’t know.” Mark glances over to Doyoung who meets his eyes and frowns and Mark quickly asks for Jinyoung. He nods and knocks loudly on the glass, pointing at Jinyoung who gets the message, the door sliding open soon after.

“Bambam has been catfishing Yugyeom and now he’s here,” Mark explains before Jinyoung can ask. Jinyoung’s jaw drops open and he stares for a few moments before sighing, gripping the bridge of his nose.

“Okay, I’ll…” He sighs again, getting frustrated before he looks around, spotting the window that connects to the photoshoot room. He blinks at it before clicking his fingers, rubbing his hands together. “Okay, I’m going to open that window, you’re going to sneak through it while I explain what’s going on to Jaebeom. Sneak out of the room, I’ll get Yugyeom to talk to someone else and leave the apartment. Wait outside and I’ll get Jaebeom’s keys. Crash at his place-”

“Woah, fucking hell,” Bambam spits, visibly scared. “I planned this, I’m not leaving my own party, are you kidding me?”

“It’s my party,” Mark responds, frowning.

Bambam stamps on his foot in frustration, making Mark howl in pain, dropping to his knees in front of him. “And your boytoy isn’t in your living right now, is he? Mine is! What the fuck?”

“And who’s fucking fault is that?” Jinyoung spits, punching Bambam in the arm. “Climb through that fucking window or I’ll shove you off this balacony. Your choice.” With that, he leaves and Mark can see him pulling Jaebeom away from the circle of Yukhei, Wonpil and Minhyuk, talking quietly. Yugyeom is in the kitchen with Doyoung now, Lisa coming up to join them. 

Jaebeom’s eyes widen and Mark stands up to hide Bambam when Jaebeom looks outside to them. He nods and Jinyoung takes his keys from him, kissing his cheek in thanks and the window is opened soon after, Jinyoung’s face there. 

“Come on, I’ll help you,” he says and Bambam slips through the space, even with the crank line there. Jinyoung pulls him through and hands him Jaebeom’s keys, sending him Jaebeom’s address over the phone. Bambam thanks him quickly and Jinyoung steps out of the room, asking Yugyeom to come with him to the living room loudly, gesturing to Jaebeom.

“Is this right?” Bambam asks Mark through the window, his eyes still wide. “Would you do this if it was Youngjae?”

“It’s not Youngjae,” Mark answers, defeated. “Look, do you want to run away? Or do you want to talk to him tonight and see what happens?”

“That’s an awful idea,” Bambam spits back but he doesn’t say anything else, looking down. Both of them are silent for the time being before Mark offers his hand through the window and Bambam takes it.

“I don’t want to fuck this up,” he says quietly an Mark takes a breath, unsure of what to do. “I seriously… I can’t lose him. He’s just… I don’t know! He’s different. Is that stupid?”

“It’s not stupid,” Mark offers but it does nothing to calm Bambam down. Realistically, Bambam shouldn’t lie but at the same time, how can they be sure of what Yugyeom will do? Bambam can defend himself and Jaebeom would never let anything bad happen. Jinyoung isn’t afraid to deck someone for Bambam but-

“It’s okay,” Bambam says suddenly, squeezing Mark’s hand before letting it go. He pulls away and checks his phone for the address, locking it before he looks at Mark again. “Tell Jaebeom-hyung thank you.”

“Sure. I’ll see you later. Yeah?” Mark lifts his hand to wave but Bambam rolls his eyes at it. He opens the door and closes it behind him, so Mark heads back inside, shooting Jaebeom a grateful smile.

But Bambam doesn’t move from where he stands in the doorway of the bedroom, not even when Seokmin comes to stand next to him, poking his shoulder. He’s clutching Jaebeom’s keys to his chest before he glances at Mark, his eyes wide before he smiles and Mark yells at him when he realises what he’s doing.

Bambam throws the keys at Yugyeom’s back but hits him square in the head, making him yelp. It’s a cute sound but Mark grabs the keys quickly and throws them at Jaebeom, not bothering to wait for him to catch them.

“Yugyeom,” Bambam’s voice sounds, right next to them and Yugyeom looks at him in surprise, clutching the back of his head in shock. The party is silent but Yukhei starts laughing, goofy and sweet and it makes Lisa light up, the two of them diverting everyone’s attention easily. Minghao and Yukhei start talking and Mark is grateful for the distraction.

“Do I know you?” Yugyeom asks, blinking at Bambam and Mark kind of understands why Bambam likes the kid. He’s really pretty and just a little bit too innocent. He’s someone completely out of Bambam’s league, in Mark’s opinion, and yet his eyes are soft when he looks at Bambam, despite being hit in the head.

“Yeah, actually, you do,” Bambam says breathlessly, his eyes wide. “Can we talk outside? If you want to hate me or punch me once I’ve explained then you can. I deserve it. But just don’t hit me in the dick or my face.”

“Go the fuck outside,” Jinyoung hisses from the corner of the room, Jaebeom looking over his shoulder at them. Bambam nods curtly and takes Yugyeom’s wrist. Mark goes as far as to lock the balcony door behind him, giving Yugyeom a soft smile that he returns with uncertainty.

Mark’s heart is racing and he shoots a smile at Wonpil who sends one back, looking as sweet as can be. Jaebeom looks nervous and he keeps glancing outside but Yugyeom’s eyes are fixed on Bambam who’s doing a fantastic job of keeping eye contact with him as he talks. Yugyeom doesn’t look angry so that’s a good thing.

Mark makes his rounds with his friends. Peniel hugs him and keeps him close when he gets to him, the two of them talking and Doyoung joins them too, Seokmin snaking through the group with a new drink. It’s a long time before Mark sees Yugyeom and Bambam sit down outside and he’s relieved to find that Bambam is holding his hand with both of his own.

Mark slips away when he spots Jinyoung coming out of the bathroom. He sneaks up to him and holds onto him, making his roommate look at him. “At least that’s good?” he says quietly, looking up at Jinyoung with hope in his eyes.

“It’s better than Yugyeom kicking and screaming,” Jinyoung retorts, eyes fixed on the two of them. “Jaebeom has only ever said nice things about him, I can’t figure out if it’s a good or bad thing.”

“Obviously, that’s a good thing?” Mark questions, pressing up close to him. Jinyoung looks at him with a frown. “Why wouldn’t that be a good thing?”

Jinyoung shrugs him off, taking his hand before taking Wonpil’s drink from him as he comes past. He winks at his friend who does nothing to stop him. “Because maybe it’s a front?” he returns to Mark, raising an eyebrow. “Kids are awful. I won’t let anything happen to Bambam.”

Mark scoffs at him and he knows Jinyoung’s feelings are only because he’s protective of Bambam. “ _ Kids _ are kids, Yugyeom and Bambam are grown men, I think they can come to a mutual decision. And I know you won’t, I won’t either.”

Jinyoung doesn’t reply and it’s like a movie, Mark’s face splitting into a smile when Yugyeom leans over and kisses Bambam’s forehead, his hands on his cheeks. Bambam ducks his head for him and smiles up at him, his eyes glittering up at him. It’s so horribly sweet that Mark coos at the sight, making Jinyoung scoff in disgust.

“I think they made a mutual decision,” Mark singsongs, looking up at Jinyoung before tapping his backside, giving him a pinch that makes him glare at Mark, making his way back to Jaebeom.

Yugyeom knocks on the glass door, his hand in Bambam’s and gestures to the door. Mark stares at him for a moment before he realises he locked it and he skips over, apologising sheepishly to him. Yugyeom just smiles and Bambam breaks away from him, excusing himself to the bathroom.

“You look happy,” Jaebeom comments when Yugyeom returns to him, Jinyoung’s hand in his mullet and it makes him smile like a cat. He spares Yugyeom a smile and Mark thinks they look good together.

“Yeah,” Yugyeom replies simply, smiling softly. “I am. A lot happened but it’s alright.”

“See,” Mark says, looking between him and Jinyoung. “You can learn a lot from kids.” Jinyoung rolls his eyes and Jaebeom just smiles, all dopey at him. Bambam sneaks back up and pokes Yugyeom, smiling at him and Yugyeom returns it, the atmosphere innocent and loving. Mark suddenly feels out of place, so he slips away, the night feeling like it’s just beginning.

Minghao and Mingyu leave early with Seokmin, but not after meeting Yugyeom and talking with him. It already seems like they’re close friends and Minghao says they should meet up soon, glancing at Yugyeom’s hand in Bambam’s, grinning at them. They leave, followed by Yukhei and Lisa who want to go dancing, not ready for the night to be over.

“I had a good night,” Wonpil says after a while, shaking Jaebeom’s hand and hugging Jinyoung goodbye. He hugs Mark too, wishing him a happy birthday and tells him there’s a bottle of wine on the counter for him.

“You always have the best gifts,” Mark tells him, giving him one last squeeze before Wonpil pulls away, shrugging and acting humble. He waves to Yugyeom and Bambam, Jinyoung walking him to the door with Minhyuk and Doyoung.

“Thanks for coming!” Mark and Bambam call out to them. Doyoung nods to him, flashing them a cheeky grin. Peniel asks for a lift quickly from Wonpil who agrees, the sober one out of all of them and the door shuts behind them, leaving the roommates with Jaebeom and Yugyeom on the couch. Mark is sitting on the floor, staring at the wall as Jaebeom’s more family friendly music comes on, leaving Jinyoung to grin at his boyfriend.

It’s been a good night and Mark has to be glad that everything worked out for Bambam and Yugyeom. Of course, no one would have let anything bad happen but the judgement that could have come would have hurt Mark just as much as Bambam. They always take risks when they talk with people, especially ones like Jaebeom but like the man said himself, not everything is a Jaebeom incident. Yugyeom could have thrown a fit and hurt Bambam like he offered before they even spoke but Mark’s glad he didn’t.

It’s incredible what having a normal conversation can do for your relationships. Especially when up until tonight, you thought the girl you were talking to online is just a woman. Mark smiles at the absurdity but doesn’t say anything. He’ll still have to ask what exactly they agreed to, since they’re keeping to themselves for now but it’s for another time.

He startles when his phone rings but pulls it out, thinking it’s Peniel who’s probably forgotten something but it’s not Peniel at all.

It’s Youngjae.

“It’s Youngjae,” he breathes, holding his phone up to his face for a better look, as if that will do him any good. He springs to his feet and throws his phone at Jinyoung who yelps and throws it at Jaebeom, shaking his hands.

“What the fuck am I doing with it?” Jaebeom shouts, throwing it back at Mark in a frenzy. Mark shakes when he catches it, staring at the contact with wide eyes as Bambam screams,  _ “Answer it!” _

Mark does what he’s yelled at to do and runs outside, shutting the door behind him. Bambam slams himself into the door, knocking on it profusely like Mark clamps his mouth shut and tells him to fuck off with his eyes. Yugyeom looks terrified and Mark presses the phone to his ear, raising his voice out of nerves.

“Hi?” he says timidly and Youngjae laughs, sounding just as nervous but God, if his laugh isn’t the sweetest thing Mark has ever heard.

_ “Hey, noona. Happy birthday.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of progress,, jjp and yugbam!! and markjae... got each other's numbers... you get it :)  
> sorry this took so long, i've been out of order recently but have this update now!


	7. Chapter 7

_ “I know it’s late but I figured I’d call before midnight.” _

Mark swallows and the panic sets in. “You… Uh, it’s- Um. Is that how late it is?” He screws up his face and turns his back on his audience, leaning on his balcony railing. He hopes his relaxed stance would actually make him relax but it doesn't. “Sorry. I didn’t realise. I’ve been busy?”

Youngjae chuckles, sounding a little tired.  _ “Yeah, caught up with the birthday celebrations? You must have had fun, noona. I’m really happy for you. _ ”

“It’s been a weird night,” he admits, sitting down on the stools he has outside. He shifts for a few moments, begging his heart to stop beating so fast. “How have you been?” he says quietly, hoping his voice isn’t as deep as he hears it.

Youngjae sniffs before he sighs, rustling coming from his end.  _ “Yeah, I’m okay. I was about to go to sleep, actually. My brain is fried." _

Mark clears his throat, pitching his voice a little bit higher but Youngjae is yet to comment on it. He's grateful but it might not last. "You should. I still have a few people over, and my roommates."

_ "Sleep soon," _ Youngjae says through a yawn and it makes Mark giggle softly.  _ "That's a nice laugh. I didn't think it'd sound like that." _

"Sorry," Mark mumbles but Youngjae mumbles a  _ don't worry _ and he finds himself smiling at Youngjae's sleepy voice. "Goodnight, otter."

Youngjae sighs, already sounding halfway to slumber.  _ "Otter… I like it when you say it. Goodnight, noona." _

Mark hums before hanging up moments later, letting out a groan. He screws up his fists in his hair and shakes his head like a wet dog, trying to make some sense of his thoughts but it feels like a wordsearch in his own head. Nothing pieces itself together and Mark digs his palms into his eyes, gritting his teeth.

What the fuck was that? Youngjae didn't even comment on his voice and Bambam has said that it's a dead giveaway. Surely, Mark can't be this good. Youngjae just has to be dense. Maybe he's just playing him and this is all going to fall apart when they meet-

_ Meet?  _ Mark shakes his head again and pockets his phone, lest he drop it off the side of the building which is looking more and more appealing by the second. "What the fuck am I doing?" he hisses, smacking his hand into the railing just to feel something different. "God, you're a stupid motherfucker, Mark. You really are."

He closes his eyes before turning back to the door and his friends are still inside, chatting. Jaebeom is asleep in Jinyoung's arms and Bambam is in the middle of teaching Yugyeom a handclap that Mark remembers from his elementary school in America. Things really are universal, it seems.

He steps back inside, shutting the door behind him quietly. Jaebeom doesn't stir and Jinyoung doesn't make any move to shift him. But Bambam immediately stops and looks at Mark, raising his eyebrows as if to say,  _ well, what happened? _

"We talked," Mark answers, unsure what to make of it. "He… He said happy birthday. Called me noona, like usual."

"He calls you noona?" Jinyoung questions, frowning. "How old is he?"

"Twenty-three in two weeks." Mark slumps into the couch between Yugyeom and Jinyoung, glad for the bigger space. It's a U shape so no one has to touch excessively unless you're Jaebeom. He’s out cold and Jinyoung shifts, offering his hand for Mark to take and he does, exhausted from a simple conversation with Youngjae.

It doesn’t change much between them, but it definitely changes something for Mark. If he ignores his raging heart and slight shaking that Jinyoung can totally feel through his hand but Youngjae makes his stomach do flips and he closes his eyes, resting his head on the back of the couch. He can’t do this for much longer, even if this development is making his head spin in a good way.

Yugyeom clears his throat and Mark looks up at him. He gives him a pitying look and Mark pouts at him, knowing how pathetic he must look. “I think I’m going to go home, before it’s too late,” he says quietly, standing up. Bambam does too. Yugyeom says goodbye to Jinyoung and Mark, thanking them for their time.

“I’ll walk you out,” Bambam mumbles, nodding to Jinyoung since Mark returns back to his position of feeling awful and wanting to drop off the face of earth. It’s silent in their apartment when Bambam and Yugyeom leave, but Jaebeom starts snoring lightly which Mark chuckles at.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Jinyoung whispers, sorrowful in his tone. “I’m sorry, hyung. Maybe… Distance yourself? Why did you even give him your number?”

“I panicked!” Mark hisses, squeezing his hand tightly. “I just… I can’t say no to him. I don’t know what it is.” He drops his shoulders and tries to come up with something to say in defense to Jinyoung but he has nothing. Youngjae just… makes him feel like that. 

“How did you know you liked Jaebeom?” Mark breathes, leaning his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder. Jaebeom’s face is close to him but he shifts and hides himself in Jinyoung’s neck, making Mark smile.

Jinyoung takes a deep breath and he smiles slowly, glancing down at his boyfriend. “It was a long process,” he answers slowly. Mark links their arms together, snuggling closer and he peers up at Jinyoung with bright eyes, buttering him up but Jinyoung still smiles. “He’s… determined, he always has been. When he came into the bar and started hitting on me, I thought he was a total creep.” He snorts suddenly, recounting everything and it makes him glow. “But he was… nice. Even when he was flirting with me, it was just different. I wasn’t interested at all, believe me, I made it clear and even when he stopped, just talking to him felt different.”

Jinyoung leans his head on Mark’s, comfortable. “He makes me feel special, hyung. Even though he’s rich as hell and probably could do a lot better, he still makes me feel like I’m the only one that matters. He’d drop everything for me if I so much as mentioned that I missed him.”

“Yeah, it’s like watching a full grown dog jump into its owner’s arms,” Mark retorts, laughing when Jinyoung scoffs at him. “He really does love you, you know.”

“Don’t,” Jinyoung whispers, elbowing Mark’s lightly. “But, I guess you’ll know. Jaebeom is just… I can’t describe it. He stayed with me until closing for a week straight so he could walk me to my car. He never tried to make me like him, I just fell for him. It was a mess.”

“You’re cute,” Mark chuckles, poking Jinyoung’s arm. The front door opens and Bambam slips through it, closing it quietly. He walks into the living room and looks at Mark, his eyes wide before he smiles, leaning on the kitchen benchtop.

“Someone’s happy,” he comments, raising his eyebrows. “Did Yugyeom say anything?”

“He said he likes my hair,” Bambam responds, giving Mark a smug look. He shakes out his silver hair smugly, smiling brightly. “And that he’ll see Jaebeom-hyung at work on Monday.”

Mark hums, leaning over to poke Jaebeom in the forehead. The other frowns in his sleep but wraps his arms around Jinyoung tightly. Mark shifts away from Jinyoung to give him space, assuming that they’ll be out on the couch for tonight.

Bambam watches as Mark stands up and he takes his hand out of nowhere, startling a surprised look from Mark but he squeezes his hand, frowning at him. Bambam pulls on his hand and waves to Jinyoung who rolls his eyes, shifting himself around so he can cuddle Jaebeom the way the three of them know the elder would love if he was awake. 

Bambam shuts his bedroom door behind Mark and pulls him onto his bed, crossing his legs quickly. Mark sits on the edge of the bed and blinks at him, confused for a moment before Bambam’s eyes well up and Mark starts to freak out. Bambam doesn’t cry; he honestly thought the younger had his tear ducts seared shut. 

He takes Bambam’s hand and moves closer to him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulls him into his chest. “Hey, no, Bam,” he whispers, tangling his hand into Bambam’s hair. “What’s wrong, bud? I thought it was all fine with Yugyeom.”

The younger holds onto him and shakes, letting himself cry for a few moments, into Mark’s arms. “I-It is. I just…” He sighs and shivers before pulling back, wiping his eyes like a little kid, smearing his tears everywhere. His bottom lip quivers but he takes another breath, looking exhausted. “Everything happened so quickly and I… I thought I’d fuck everything up and he would hate me but he doesn’t and it’s freaking me the fuck out.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Mark has no idea anymore. He sits against the headboard and Bambam goes with him, leaning against his chest. His bed is big enough for the two of them and Mark is happy to- No, Bambam is upset. He can’t be thinking about sleeping in his bed because he’ll get to have company during the night. But his bed is super comfortable.

“It is,” Bambam answers, scowling. “But I didn’t expect it to actually work. Is that my fault or his? Like, am I the weird one or is it him? I basically robbed him and he kissed my forehead. That’s weird, right?”

Mark looks at Bambam, who looks up at him with a frown. “Bam, don’t you think he did that because he likes you?”

“He likes Bambi.”

“Yeah, he  _ did. _ But where does Bambi start and Bambam end?”

“I can give you a few options-”

“I’m good, thanks,” Mark interrupts, glaring at him. “But seriously, think about it. What did you say to him because he seemed pretty on board with everything you were telling him and that’s a first for anyone.” 

Bambam clears his throat and exhales sharply, his eyes blowing wide. “I told him why I started playing as Bambi online, all that sad shit. I said why you started to as well, and how we met, same with Jinyoung-hyung. But… I said he could leave and I would never talk to him again if that’s what he wanted but he just held my hand. It was so weird, I was really into it. Is this what having a crush feels like?” He scoffs at himself, crossing his arms angrily. “Feelings suck.”

Mark laughs at him, kissing his head. “I’ll agree with that. You should talk to him soon. He seems like a really nice kid.”

Bambam doesn’t reply, his eyes elsewhere so Mark takes the opportunity to bury his nose in Bambam’s hair, holding him close. He rubs his arm and Bambam laughs, sitting in the silence for the time being. They don’t move, even though Mark is on his way to falling asleep but Bambam eventually breaks the silence with, “Can you stay here tonight?”

Mark recoils to meet his eyes, surprised by the suggestion even though it’s what he wanted. “If you want, bud. Are you tired?”

Bambam sniffs, chuckling afterwards. “Yeah, I haven’t cried in the last six months. I want to sleep.”

“Six months?!” Mark hisses, shoving Bambam away so he can lie down. “Are you serious? I cry like, every week. Jinyoung cried as he drove home three weeks ago- How the fuck do you not cry for six months?”

“It’s a skill.” Bambam nods to the door. “Turn the light off before I change my mind.”

Mark does just that and races back into his bed, jumping on it and making Bambam grunt from the movement. They settle down together, facing each other and Bambam manages a smile for him, closing his eyes. Mark takes his hand and holds it between their faces, smiling when Bambam’s lips twitch up.

“Goodnight, Bam.”

“Night, hyung.”

  
  


***

“How are you still asleep?”

Mark opens one eye to glare at Jaebeom, who’s staring down at him but what makes him wake up is his  _ makeup _ . It’s been a week and a half since his birthday so Mark doesn’t know why he’s at his house, considering there’s nothing he has planned for the two of them. He and Jinyoung must be going out but Jaebeom is wearing makeup.

“Why do you look like that?” Mark croaks, leaning up on his arms and sniffing loudly, trying to wake himself up.

Jaebeom glowers at him, shoving him over. “Bambam did my makeup, he said I’d look good with grey contacts but we don’t have them. But I need you to come with me, I’m taking you and Jinyoung out.”

“For what?” Mark mutters, rolling himself out of bed. He almost falls over but Jaebeom catches him, standing him up straight. “I don’t want to go out.”

“You will when you come with me.”

Mark stares at him, blinking wildly at him. “That’s kidnapping?” 

Jaebeom makes a weird face at him, confused. “No, that’s- Hyung, just come with me. Jinyoung made breakfast.”

“Pancakes?”

“Obviously.”

Jinyoung looks up at them when Mark stumbles into the kitchen, seeming more drunk than tired. He doesn’t say anything, just hands a plate of pancakes to Mark who immediately scoffs them down, drizzling maple syrup on them with a mouth full. Jinyoung rubs his back and his neck, making Mark purr but Jaebeom grimaces at the sound, pulling out a bar top stool to sit down.

“What are we doing?” Mark grumbles around his food, scowling at Jaebeom. He grabs Jinyoung’s cup and takes a swig of his coffee, not minding that it has no milk or sugar in it, so long as it’s coffee.

Jaebeom laces his fingers together in front of him, clearing his throat. “After driving your car, I realised something.”

“It’s a piece of shit that has no AC?” Jinyoung questions, sounding confident in his answer. Jaebeom solemnly nods, sighing in defeat while Jinyoung smiles, back to rubbing Mark’s shoulders as if they should be proud of the fact that their car is a garbage bag on wheels.

But Jaebeom crosses his legs, adopting a more professional stance and Mark wants to take him seriously but the all black suit with the makeup is making his head spin. Jaebeom looks good, a smokey look on his eyes with a heavy bottom eyeliner and Mark stares at him for a while, mesmerised by his gaze.

“I was thinking,” Jaebeom says, making Mark snap out of his daze, “that I would come with you guys to look at a few cars.”

Jinyoung freezes and Mark squints, standing up slowly and swallowing his mouthful. He picks around his food for a moment before frowning, glancing up at Jaebeom. “And how are we going to afford it?”

“I’ll help,” Jaebeom answers, smiling innocently but Jinyoung clears his throat, uncomfortable.

“Jaebeom,” he says slowly, staring down at his hands before meeting Jaebeom’s eyes. “We’re not letting you buy us a car.”

Jaebeom shakes his hands in dismissal, his ears turning pink after realising the implication of his suggestion. “Realistically, could you afford a car? Both of you, combined?”

Mark looks at Jinyoung, shrugging. He genuinely doesn’t know but if they were to start thinking about it and considered saving up for a car, they most likely could. Especially if they were to split the cost again like they did for their current one, even if it was marketed as second hand. It ended up being fourth hand but that’s besides the point.

“I think we could?” Mark offers, shooting a look back at Jaebeom. “But we can’t just buy one today.”

“Not today, but we can start looking,” Jaebeom corrects. “That, and I have two cars. If you seriously need one, I can lend you one.”

“Oh, to be a rich pretty man,” comes Bambam’s voice as he walks out of his bedroom, dressed as Bambi and Jaebeom whistles lowly underneath his breath as he sits down next to him, tucking his wig behind his ear. “Do you need a sugar baby? I know Mark-hyung already shot his shot but-”

“Bambam,” Jinyoung warns, his eyes dark and Mark snorts. 

“I’m good, thanks,” Jaebeom responds, shooting him a grin. “But I want to help. I know a lot about cars.”

“So do I,” Mark adds, smiling when Jinyoung sighs in defeat. It’s not as if they don’t need a car, but the decision does come with more branches than just ‘we should get a new car’. “But give us time. Our car isn’t fucked just yet.”

Bambam makes a face but he doesn’t say anything when Mark gives him a look. He sighs and takes his sunglasses from the counter, slipping them onto his face. “Well, I’ve got some errands to run, so I’ll see you later.”

“Why are you dressed as Bambi?” Jinyoung asks, watching him as he moves in his flowy skirt and ankle boots. 

Bambam opens his mouth to reply but pauses, his eyes distant for a second before he smiles, shrugging his shoulders. “I just wanted to, I guess.” He looks at Jaebeom, placing his hand on his shoulder. “Shouldn’t you be at work? Yugyeom shouldn’t have to do all your work for you.”

Jaebeom laughs, shrugging Bambam’s hand off. “No, I don’t have to be in today. I should be, but they’re not completely hopeless without me.”

Bambam takes that and nods, grabbing his backpack from the floor, slinging it over his shoulder. He leaves without saying goodbye and Mark hums, finishing off his plate and handing it to Jinyoung to put in the sink. Changing comes easy since Mark just throws on a hoodie and sweatpants, a cap and mask. He’s really not in the mood to dress up and look pretty and Jinyoung is similar, looking a little better than Mark because his clothes fit better but he has his glasses on, looking a little tired but otherwise acceptable.

Jaebeom doesn’t seem to mind and he’s driving, neither of them having to worry about staying awake for the ride. Jinyoung holds Jaebeom’s hand over the gearstick and Mark feels like a kid in the middle of the backseat, watching his parents flirt but he smiles, averting his eyes for privacy.

“What’s the date today?” Mark asks when he grabs his phone, trying to find his calendar app but Jinyoung answers him, “The fifteenth, why?”

“Just asking,” Mark mutters, opening up Youngjae’s messages with no further thought. Youngjae’s birthday is in two days, Jinyoung’s in a week. To make the conversation normal, Mark asks when Yugyeom’s birthday is and Jaebeom stutters before spitting out, “November seventeenth. I think?”

“It’s not as if we can correct you,” Jinyoung retorts, smirking at his boyfriend. Jaebeom pulls a face and mocks him but doesn’t try to defend himself, just not good with birthdays. Mark can’t blame him, he’s not fantastic with birthdays but he’s always had to make note of Jinyoung’s since theirs are so close together and Bambam’s, since the younger will never let him celebrate anything alone.

Jaebeom pulls into the dealership, a second hand place which makes his expensive sports car look very out of place. It’s funny, when Jaebeom steps out because he looks exactly like the type to own a bright yellow sports car. Jinyoung follows him and sure, he could pass as a rich man with how he stands next to Jaebeom but Mark looks like their weird oversized son that still lives with them. Not too far from the truth but Mark still sniffs and pulls his mask up further, looking around the dealership. 

“You don’t  _ have _ to go all out,” Jaebeom offers, crossing his arms as he leans on the hood of his car. “It’s a secondhand dealership. You won’t have to pay a fuckload for a car here.”

“That’s really something coming from the guy leaning on the hood of a sports car,” Jinyoung counters, huffing a laugh. Jaebeom shrugs, a small smile on his face but he locks his car and gestures for them to come inside.

Jaebeom does the talking and Mark just watches, not piecing together much of the information that Jaebeom is giving. Jinyoung walks close to Mark, spying the different cars and seeing what works for him. The cars aren't overly pretty and none of them compare to Jaebeom’s outside but it works for them. Jinyoung points out a few and Mark tells him they should get a green car to be unique and different. He means it as a joke but Jinyoung laughs and checks, pointing to the end of the dealership and Mark spots it, running towards it at full speed before his roommate can grab him.

Jaebeom calls out to them but Jinyoung runs too, not bothering to listen and Jaebeom’s heels sound off after them. He catches up and pants next to Jinyoung, already exhausted from running thirty or so metres. Jinyoung looks at him and nods to the car, smiling at Mark who runs his hand across the roof of the car, looking at Jaebeom with wide eyes.

“You like this one?” he asks, watching as Jinyoung joins Mark in checking out the car. It’s a secondhand green car and they can both tell that Jaebeom isn’t fond of it but it’s undoubtedly better than what they currently own, a beaten up silver junkbox that was previously owned by an entire generation of a regular family. They’d been lucky to get it for cheap despite the odometer being…  _ high _ . But they made due.

Jaebeom peaks into the information about the car, taking a clipboard from the salesman. He doesn’t seem disappointed by the descriptions, giving Jinyoung a satisfied look.

“We can’t buy it now,” Jinyoung says, watching as Mark steps into the car, smiling up at his roommate. “But I do like it.”

“Give us a bit,” Mark says to Jaebeom as he steps around, leaning on the open door. “And we’ll come to a decision, okay?”

Jaebeom nods, spying the inside of the car and purses his lips. “Fine by me. You can trade in your car here for some money and then buy this one. It’s secondhand, but even then, the owner was old. It was traded in for a good amount, too. You could get this and have it last a while, just between you two.”

Jinyoung agrees when Mark does, shrugging his answer. Jinyoung gives him a nod, jerking his head to the side and Mark steps out of the car. He’s reluctant to leave it but Jaebeom begins to talk up their current car to trade it in, asking Jinyoung for specifics and Mark looks out the windows of the car lot, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket.

  
  


_ Otter [12:33] _

it’s only wednesday

this week is going by so slowly…

what are you up to noona?

_ Yien [12:34] _

it is going by slowly and i woke up late today

i’m looking for a new car, actually

Mark frowns when his thoughts cloud over before they clear, only thinking of Youngjae and he checks his bank account, the balance looking off. He checks his transactions and quickly adds up a few of them, before returning to Youngjae’s profile on the app, pressing refund.

  
  


REFUNDED  _ $63.47 _ to  _ CHOISJAE _

  
  


Youngjae sends question marks back but all Mark does is return his messages with a winking face. It feels taboo but it’s Youngjae, so Mark immediately chases that thought away. It’s  _ Youngjae _ , it’s nothing out of the ordinary because it’s him but then again, when it comes to Youngjae, Mark’s head spins and he feels so out of it in the best way possible. It’s ridiculous, but if Youngjae asked him to run away with him, he probably would.

_ No, I wouldn’t, _ he snaps back at himself, having no idea where the hell that came from. He glances up at Jinyoung who frowns at him, looking between his phone to his face but Mark shrugs, avoiding the silent question.

  
  


_ Yien [12:40] _

don’t send me any more money please

_ Otter [12:41] _

why?

have i done something wrong?

_ Yien [12:42] _

i don’t want to think of you like that

you were never like that to me

so you shouldn’t continue to be like that

_ Otter [12:44] _

oh... thank you?

i’m not sure what to say lol

but i’m glad you don’t feel that way

but a new car? is yours so bad??

  
  


_ Yien [12:46] _

it... has seen better days

i share it with my roommate, i have for three years so

it’s not doing too well and it was already secondhand

_ Otter [12:49] _

ohh ok! i understand

i hope it goes well then noona

what colour lol

_ Yien [12:53] _

green lol my roommate agreed with it

we ran to it when i saw it

  
  


_ Otter [12:54] _

you and your roommate seem really close

have you known her for a long time?

  
  


Mark presses his lips together. Youngjae thinks Jinyoung is a girl and it’s still really funny for no reason. Youngjae might know about Bambi but he’s never mentioned it. Mark wouldn’t be surprised, since he and Bambam have taken photos together on multiple occasions. But Mark doesn’t mind telling Youngjae things. Maybe he should actually tell him…

  
  


_ Yien [12:58] _

yeah we’ve been friends for almost three years now

he’s actually a guy, i don’t think i ever told you

i hope that’s not weird?

  
  


“Why the fuck would he care…?” Mark mutters but he startles when he feels Jinyoung looking over his shoulder, forcing him to spin around. Mark glares at him, clutching his phone tightly. “Why do you do that?!” he spits, waving his hand at him to keep him away.

Jinyoung doesn’t look impressed. He places his hand on his hips and stares at him, expecting an answer but Mark’s known Jinyoung long enough to be immune to his judgement. Jaebeom is still talking but the salesman looks like he’s buying every word which is good for them.

  
  


_ Otter [13:01] _

really? i had no idea

you never corrected me lol

is he nice?

  
  


_ Yien [13:03] _

yeah he’s

i’m not sure how to describe him

but yeah he’s nice haha

  
  


_ Otter [13:04] _

ahh good to know, i’m glad he is

you deserve the best

  
  


Mark takes a breath suddenly, surprised at the answer. He expected a lot worse but Youngjae is nothing short of wonderful and he hands Jinyoung his phone, letting him read the messages. His roommate snatches it, scowling at it but his expression clears as he scans the phone. He blinks at it before frowning, glancing at Mark and sighing, looking defeated.

“Hyung…” Jinyoung breathes, his eyes pitying and Mark screws up his face at him, rubbing his face harshly. “Well, at least he’s nice. But you are seriously whipped.”

“I know!” Mark hisses, grabbing his phone back. “I just- Fuck, this isn’t even serious but he’s just too fucking nice. It’s basically impossible to not like him.”

“Like, sexually?” Jaebeom says into Mark’s ear and it makes him squeal, punching Jaebeom in the stomach. He doubles over and groans and Jinyoung laughs at him, even pointing a finger at him like a child. 

Mark curses under his breath and robs Jaebeom of his keys, walking away from the two of them. Jinyoung catches up with Jaebeom’s arm over his shoulder, pulling him to the car. Mark starts the car up and Jaebeom is in the front seat, Jinyoung between them.

“So, Mark-hyung has a crush,” Jinyoung says bluntly. He’s smiling but Mark shoves his face away so he can swing his arm over Jaebeom’s seat to reverse. Jinyoung smiles and sticks his tongue out at Mark cheekily. 

Jaebeom rolls his head over to look at Mark, his eyes innocent. “That’s cute. When was the last time you had sex?”

“I don’t know, when was the last time you topped?” Mark snaps back, dropping the gear stick into drive and pulling out of the car lot. Jaebeom’s eyes turn dark and he looks away but Jinyoung slips his hand into his, blowing him a kiss.

Mark sighs, telling Jaebeom’s GPS his address. He glances at their hands and it hurts a little, only because it’s something Jinyoung will never let go. “Why are you both so horribly in love?” he mutters quietly and rolls his eyes when he feels Jinyoung’s hand slip into his. “This isn’t going to make me feel better.”

“Then I’ll stop sleeping in the same bed as you,” Jinyoung responds.

Mark squeezes his hand, a little too strong to be anything but desperate which makes Jinyoung chuckle. “No, that would make me cry. Please do not do that.”

Jaebeom hums, looking out the window. “I like my boyfriend and his boyfriend.”

“Buying your boyfriend a car for his boyfriend, more like it,” Mark grimaces while Jinyoung laughs like a little kid, covering his mouth. He always does that when he loses control of his chuckles, even though Mark has always asked him to stop. 

His best friend lets go of Mark’s hand just to touch Jaebeom’s arm and maybe it really is nice to be in love. Mark wouldn’t know. He rolls his eyes at himself; he’s sadly a master at ignoring his feelings.

  
  


***

Youngjae’s birthday dinner goes surprisingly well. His brother brings home his dog and Youngjae has been focusing on her and only her, telling his mother that it’s always Coco time when she’s around, to which his mother chuckles at as she washes the dishes.

There’s a cake, Youngjae’s favourite. It’s a belgian chocolate cheesecake with chocolate decorations on top and he already ate everything on top, plus two pieces of cake. There’s stylised writing wishing him a happy birthday and he blew out his candles a while ago, the cake being left on the table while his mother cleans. His father comes to and from the living room and helps her but she waves him away since none of the men in Youngjae’s family can be trusted to clean up after themselves. 

Coco eventually falls asleep while Youngjae is rolling around the floor. She’s tired and Youngjae can’t blame her. Today has been overwhelming from him, his brother showering him with a lot of small gifts. One of which were new earrings and he put them in his ears without a mirror, showing off but happy with them. One is a crescent moon hanging from his ear with a small sun stud to join it. They’re silver and he received a ring from his father, a simple black band that fits his ring finger. 

“I think it’s time for bed,” his mother says after a while and it’s eleven in the evening, close to midnight. Youngjae stands up to wish her goodnight, kissing her cheek and she smiles at him. His father is already out, a half glass of whiskey on the armrest next to him. Youngjae says goodnight to him, even though he can’t hear him and Coco follows him up the stairs when he retires to his bedroom. She jumps on his bed but it isn’t long before she leaves again, escaping to his brother’s room. She must miss him.

He hasn’t checked his phone in a while and there’s a message from Yien that makes him smile. She remembered his birthday and wishes him well, asking if he got any nice gifts. Youngjae sends him a photo of his earrings and then poses weirdly for the camera to show his ring off with the earrings together.

  
  


_ Yien [23:32] _

ohh i really like them

the earrings suit you so well! how many piercings do you have?

and the ring is so pretty, i really love it

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [23:33] _

i only have three, in my left ear

i’ve never noticed if you have any?

_ Yien [23:35] _

_ [IMAGE ATTACHED] _

i have four!

  
  


The photo is Yien, her hair tucked behind one of her ears to show her right ear. One of the earrings dangles down while the other two are studs and she sends another photo of her left ear, which is just a simple stud. It’s a selfie, she’s just posing awkwardly to show her earrings and the next photo she sends is her laughing, her hand over his face and oh, Youngjae’s heart is running wild.

  
  


_ Yien [23:36] _

_ [2 IMAGES ATTACHED] _

it’s hard to take photos of your earrings damn

oh i didn’t realise that one would send

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [23:38] _

you’re really cute though

i hope you know that

  
  


_ Yien [23:40] _

mm i do

do you know how cute you are otter?

  
  


Youngjae throws himself onto his bed and closes his eyes, taking in the feeling Yien gives him. He’s only just a man, and a pathetic one at that.  _ Stop thinking with your dick, _ he curses himself. But he swallows and asks Yien what she means. It’s hot in his room. He pulls his shirt off as his face heats up because he never sleeps with a shirt anyway, not with how big his blankets are.

He can’t even ground himself. He pulls off his glasses, letting them clutter on his chest of drawers and mutters insults to himself.

  
  


_ Yien [23:43] _

i have to tell you the truth, don’t i?

you’re beautiful youngjae

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [23:45] _

but so are you

you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever met

_ Yien [23:45] _

aren’t you sweet?

little otter have i been on your mind

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [23:47] _

yeah you have been noona

a lot

“What the fuck am I doing?” Youngjae hisses at himself, dropping his phone on his chest. Is he fucking stupid? Why is he doing this? He’s stupid but Yien is asking him, Yien is teasing him and he’s always a sucker for her.

  
  


_ Yien [23:49] _

i like it when you get flustered

i bet you look so pretty with a blush

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [23:50] _

i don’t know if i do

how do i show you yien

  
  


_ Yien [23:52] _

call me noona

youngjae do you want me to talk to you?

i know you never asked to talk how i normally would to someone on the app but… i’m curious

  
  


_ Say no, _ Youngjae tells himself but he’s useless. He’s dumb and Yien is a pretty lady that Youngjae may or may not feel butterflies about. She’s gorgeous and she wants to talk to him like that? Youngjae never messaged her for sex because he genuinely can’t imagine ever doing that but he’s about to get Yien’s usual  _ chats _ and he’s freaking the fuck out.  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [23:56] _ _  
_ yien noona

i don't know how to do this

  
  


_ Yien [23:58] _

just imagine, okay? 

imagine i’m there next to you, whispering in your ear. you’ll be a good boy for me, won't you youngjae? 

be a good boy for me, i know you can be

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [23:59] _

i’m a good boy

i’m your good boy i just want to be your good boy

  
  


His mind is going wild. Everything is happening so fast and he didn’t think he’d be on board with this but he is, because Yien has such a hold on him. When she first called him pet names, it was sweet. She’s older and Youngjae was a little infatuated but that never changed and now he’s out of it and all he can think about is Yien. 

  
  


_ Yien [23:59]  _ _  
_ you are my good boy… it’s only me that gets you like this, right? 

all for me

because you're mine, aren't you? my pretty little otter

  
  


Youngjae feels shame when he reaches down and grips himself. The edge will be taken off and he can forget about this but he’s useless, replying stupidly. Her next words make him gasp.

  
  


_ Yien [12:03] _

touch yourself, youngjae

imagine it’s me and don't keep yourself quiet

you live alone right? or are you being naughty, since it’s your birthday?

maybe next time you can record yourself… i'd like that so much 

hearing your voice and your moans all because of me

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [12:05] _

noona please

talk to me

tell me

  
  


_ Yien [12:06] _

i’m going to mark you 

i'd show everyone who you belong to

you're my little caged bird aren't you youngjae? i’ve got you all to myself

there's no one else you moan for, is there? 

i’d be very upset, i don't like sharing

  
  


Youngjae tips his head back and sighs, feeling his face heat up. Sometimes, he thinks she knows how much she overpowers him. He’s never been this with anyone, he’s never this pilant, this submissive. It’s making him  _ insane _ . Taking the edge off isn’t working and he sucks his lip into his mouth, biting it to keep his moans to himself. It’s hard to type but he succeeds, almost ironically.

He’s not losing this, now that he has it.

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [12:08] _

no noona only you it’s all for you

i’m yours noona i’m your good boy

  
  


Her words make him shake and he smiles, his face hot and flushed. He properly grips his length and feels like a teenager, his hand down his pants in his bedroom but he’s pathetic for her. Yien knows it.

  
  


_ Yien [12:10] _

you're so sweet to me youngjae… my sweet boy 

noona is going to make you feel really good

when you look in the mirror, you're going to remember who you belong to

every time you touch yourself, i’m the one you should be thinking about

  
  


He’s so desperate. Youngjae is just a man but he’s Yien’s little pet. He’s all hers and he has no regrets.

_ Choi Youngjae [12:11] _

noona

please

i need you i want you so much

  
  


_ Yien [12:12] _

you’ll take a photo for me after this

i want to see how messy you are, baby

all for me yeah? you're my boy, my little plaything

you deserve to feel good

  
  


He isn’t sure what it is. His hand speeds up, Yien calls him baby, he loses his fucking mind. He knows what he’s doing but then again he doesn’t, and the thrill of it all makes him sigh, biting his lip as he spills into his hand, shameless.

He does as he’s told and takes a photo, his face turned away from the camera to futilely hide his blush but it doesn’t do anything. He’s half naked and still finds no embarrassment in the pose, his mind a haze. He doesn’t tell her he came but it’s not hard to tell, from how red his body is.

  
  


_ Yien [12:14] _

awh, your blush even reaches your chest 

such a filthy boy

i wish i could clean it up for you, make you feel nice again.

oh you must whine so much

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [12:19] _

thank you noona

and sometimes

whine

  
  


_ Yien [12:21] _

god i wish i could kiss you. your lips would look so beautiful after i’ve used them

so long as you only whine for me, we’ll see about the sometimes

are you sleepy, baby? it’s quite late

  
  


Youngjae’s mind is starting to come back to him. He’s exhausted but the haze he feels is making him smile like a madman. Oh, he’s so crazy. This is so overwhelming.

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [12:22] _

yes

but noona what about you

or was I alone in this?

  
  


_ Yien [12:25] _

no, otter

noona helped herself too

you did so well baby

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [12:27] _

i wish i could be there to repay you

  
  


_ Yien [12:27] _

next time i’ll record myself mm? let you hear what you do to me

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [12:28] _

don't make me worked up again

noona please don't

  
  


Youngjae curses himself. So much for not thinking with his dick. Why is this so hard? It’s a fucking  _ text _ . He doesn’t know what he’ll do if she starts up again.

  
  


_ Yien [12:30] _

not now, baby 

next time, i promise

  
  


Youngjae heaves a shaky sigh and grimaces when he goes to rake his bangs back. The tissues on his bedside table that he forgot about help him in his time of turmoil. He only gets up to change his pants, his flush never leaving. When he touches his chest, his skin is like lava, his heart slipping through his fingers. His phone buzzes on his bed and he glances at it, screwing his eyes shut to refocus them in the dark.

He slips his glasses on again and checks his reflection in his phone camera. Because he has no common sense and tends to agree with everything Yien says, he takes a photo. He’s a little brain dead when it comes to Yien and he’s not about to switch it back on. He sends the photo to Yien and grins when she praises him, easily pleased.

  
  


_ Yien [12:39] _

you’re still so cute this isn’t fair

):<

  
  


_ Choi Youngjae [12:41] _

you’re cuter

but where do we go from here?

_ Yien [12:42] _

don’t overthink it otter

nothing changes, okay?

don’t freak out, just sleep on it

  
  


Youngjae won’t go to sleep anytime soon but he does say goodnight to her, his brain short circuiting. Yien tells him to relax, that he shouldn’t worry about this but he’s not exactly worrying. He really does feel like a teenager. He just sexted a girl in his childhood bedroom but he’s twenty-three and he doesn’t think sexting is a common thing anymore. Well, at least not  _ masturbating _ to it.

Actually-

  
“God, shut the fuck  _ up _ ,” he curses, screwing his hands up in his hand and tugging it to feel something different. He throws himself into his bed again and tosses his phone onto the bedside table to forget about it. He groans into his pillow, flustered and exhausted. How the hell is he supposed to just go to sleep after this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi new update! enjoy!!!  
> my friend had to tell me what cake youngjae should have because i'm an idiot so kdjskjds


	8. Chapter 8

“Hypothetically, if you were to catch feelings for someone you’ve never met, what would you do?”

Bambam slowly turns his head to Mark, squinting at him. The question is poorly timed but Mark doesn’t take it back. He leaves it hanging in the air between them even though the context to their meeting is for Yugyeom to come see them during his lunch break. He gets an hour for lunch and Bambam has been meeting him any time he can for a little meetup, to get to know each other better. He doesn’t like to call it a date but when Yugyeom walks in, the look in Bambam’s eyes tells Mark all he needs to know.

His question is swiftly ignored and Mark is suddenly grateful. Why the hell did he even bother asking Bambam of all people? 

“Hey, hyung, Bam,” Yugyeom greets, smiling brightly. He slides into the booth next to Bambam and they fist bump before Yugyeom swings his arm over Bambam’s shoulder casually. It’s easy for them and Mark finds himself smiling, ducking his head to greet Yugyeom. The younger is such a pleasant presence, lighting up the room and making everyone relaxed. That being said, he can be a real asshole when he’s with Bambam but it’s impossible to stay mad at him. 

“Mark-hyung has just asked me a very interesting question,” Bambam says, looking at Mark with sly eyes. Trust him to never let anything go. “Hypothetically, if you were to catch feelings for someone you’ve never met, what would you do?” He even mimics Mark’s voice which makes Yugyeom laugh while Mark rolls his eyes.

But Yugyeom takes a moment to think before he frowns, actually mulling the question over. “Well… You don’t really know them in real life, I guess? You have to be sure of your feelings. Because if you only know them through the phone, how will you know what they’re like in real life?”

“Is that what you thought about Bambam?” Mark retorts, raising an eyebrow. This all seems pretty hypocritical but that might just be Mark looking for any way to poke holes in their conversation so he can get his way.

Bambam snorts while Yugyeom mumbles weirdly, unsure of himself. “It’s… I didn’t think that way. I didn’t realise how deep I was in until we met. And that ended… You know.” He shrugs one shoulder, awkward.

Mark sniffs, looking away to avoid it all but he does have a point.  _ Hypothetically, _ he mocks himself, he doesn’t know how Youngjae is in real life. But at the same time, Youngjae has shared very intimate parts of himself with Mark. Not to mention the fact that they had phone sex but whatever. Mark has never lied to him explicitly about himself. Yien is the same age as him, grew up in the same place. Hell,  _ Yien _ is his legal name. He just doesn’t use it.

He’s a little lost and he tells his friends as much.

“Shoot your shot,” Bambam says, ever unhelpful. His arrogant air of confidence is really starting to piss Mark off.

“Don’t you think I would have done it by now?” Mark throws back, scowling at him. “It’s not that simple, Bam. He thinks I’m a  _ girl _ .”

“And who’s fault is that?” Bambam fires, lifting an eyebrow.

“Just because you got your way doesn’t mean I can be so confident.” Mark rolls his eyes, crossing his arms angrily, like a child. “I can’t just randomly shove it into conversation. You didn’t have to think about how to tell Yugyeom because Jaebeom brought him to the party and besides, you’re  _ you _ . _ ”  _ He sighs, looking down at the table. “I don’t have the luxury of not caring.”

“You think I didn’t care about what happened with Yugyeom?” Bambam’s voice isn’t so kind as it was before. He’s not joking around anymore. The atmosphere darkens between them and Mark can see the line of tension being played taunt between them, red and angry.

Yugyeom averts his eyes nervously, shifting. “Maybe I shouldn’t be here…” he mumbles but Bambam takes his hand that rests on his shoulder and links their fingers together loosely, keeping him close.

“Hyung, you were there when I cried about him,” Bambam spits, his other hand slamming down on the table, so hard that it makes both Mark and Yugyeom flinch. “So don’t try and act like I don’t get the  _ luxury _ of not knowing what it’s like. I told him he could  _ punch _ me. I lost sleep over how I wanted to tell him and yeah, it worked out a lot better than I hoped but that’s why I’m saying  _ shoot your shot _ . The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to be.”

He does have a point. Bambam always has the audacity to be right all the time and never let anyone live it down. He hasn’t said anything or flexed his decision making but there’s no doubt he will later, when this is all said and done. 

But he is right. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to get out of it. The worst that can happen is Youngjae never wants to talk to Mark ever again. Sure, that will crush his soul for a few months but it’s his own fault. Forgive and move on. Mark doesn’t have to tell him, ideally, but he should, morally. Even with nothing concrete between them, Mark considered Youngjae somewhat of a friend and everything he’s told him about himself up until this point has been true. Mark hasn’t lied about anything he’s told Youngjae, only that he’s played the persona of Yien.

Youngjae knows Mark has three siblings and lives with two other people, one of which is Jinyoung. He knows Mark dyes his hair although Mark never said the colours. He’s sporting fluorescent red right now and Youngjae is none the wiser. He knows he speaks four languages- Okay, maybe Youngjae only knows about three. Korean, English and Chinese; Mark may have dismissed his Japanese in the heat of the moment. Youngjae knows he’s originally from America, too, something Jaebeom didn’t even know until a few months ago.

All in all, Youngjae knows a lot about Mark because he’s never felt the need to lie. He’s never talked this much with one person, not even Jaebeom. People don’t stick around just to talk to him. They give him money and Mark pretends to enjoy the conversation while mindlessly sending back dirty talk. It’s never interesting with anyone but it gets him paid so he can’t complain.

But Youngjae has always been different no matter what cliche Mark tries to spin on it. He just wanted company, never in the sexual sense, and throughout everything they’ve said to each other, Mark found a comfort in him. He’s easy going and sweet, youthful and kind. He’s fun to talk to and he makes Mark laugh. He takes risks and pushes himself almost to the breaking point which is unhealthy but he’s working on it. 

Youngjae just wants to live as best as he can and Mark found himself intertwined in that life and now he doesn’t know how to get out without ruining everything.

“I’m not saying you don’t deserve to have this work out,” Bambam says suddenly, soft and close. Mark meets his eyes in hopes it will keep his focus and it does, since Bambam is wearing those disgusting square yellow sunglasses he loves so dearly. That’s enough to ground Mark. “I’m saying that this can’t work out if you don’t try. If you want anything to come of it and get any form of closure, you need to come clean.”

“Easier said than done,” Mark mutters, bitter.

Yugyeom sighs dejectly, his eyes elsewhere. He hasn’t spoken much for this conversation but he does look at Mark with sympathy, his eyes bright. “I do agree with Bam,” he says quietly, pursing his lips. “You don’t know how it will end if you keep avoiding it. And if you don’t tell him now, when will you? Do it before you get in too deep. It will hurt less.”

Mark sincerely doubts that but he sighs, looking away from Yugyeom again. If not soon, then when will he ever tell him? He can’t keep lying to Youngjae, he doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve anything Mark has done to him but humans are selfish and Mark needs something to blame other than himself. Selfishly, he shifts the blame because if he doesn’t he’ll spiral and Bambam will  _ not _ dig him out of that one.

“I guess I have some thinking to do,” he mumbles, avoiding Yugyeom’s pitying eyes. Bambam scoffs but doesn’t say anything more, leaving Mark to stew in his own guilt. It’s what he does best.

***

“I had sex with Youngjae,” Mark announces when he arrives home alone, to a room full of Jinyoung and… Jaebeom.

Of course.

“Do you not fucking work?” he spits at the heir who’s sipping an iced coffee, sunglasses high on the bridge of his nose. “You might as well just move in. I haven’t even been to your apartment yet.”

“Don’t make this about me,” Jaebeom retorts, glaring at him from over his glasses. “Besides, your apartment is tiny and you still sleep in the same bed as Jinyoung. What’s this about sleeping with Youngjae?”

Mark growls to himself, straining his throat. His roommate sits on the couch looking smug, legs crossed and propped up. He raises his eyebrows expectantly and Mark sighs, exasperated. Jinyoung will not let him get away with this.

“Yeah, hyung?” Jinyoung chimes, smirking. “What’s this about having sex with Youngjae? You couldn’t have actually done it. I don’t think even your wig is strong enough to stay on during that.”

Mark tries not to have his face go red but it does. Shocking. “It was over the phone,” he mutters, slumping down into the couch opposite Jaebeom. “Can you imagine fucking someone in a wig?”

“Well, I know you can’t,” Jinyoung jabs, grinning when Mark sighs again. “But that’s another topic. Why, oh,  _ why _ did you have phone sex with that kid?”

“He is legal… right?” Jaebeom asks hesitantly, side eyeing Mark suspiciously. So, he flings a pillow at him, right at his head. It makes him choke on his mouthful of iced coffee.

“Of course he’s legal, you fuckwit,” Mark snaps, rolling his eyes. “You think I’d do that? He’s in college. We talked about his age at my birthday party!”

Jaebeom clears his throat, sputtering. “I don’t get paid to be your friend.”

“But you get paid to be Jinyoung’s pen pal?”

“Sending letters to each other is not a kink, I’ve told you this,” Jinyoung snaps but Mark crosses his arms, annoyed. “Just because I don’t like to be choked.”

“Who said I do?”

Jaebeom coughs again, holding up his hands to stop them from arguing something that he really doesn’t need to hear. “Just… Start from the beginning. Why did you have phone sex with Youngjae?”

“Felt like it,” Mark mutters but they all know that’s not the answer he wanted to give. Jinyoung sees right through him and Jaebeom has known Mark long enough to know when he’s being caught in a bold face lie. Well, it’s not a total lie. He  _ did _ feel like it. But that’s not the whole truth. “He… I don’t know! We were just flirting and it escalated so I asked him if he wanted to do it and he agreed.”

Jinyoung blows out a breath while Jaebeom looks down, unable to speak. Mark didn’t expect that reaction but then again, he doesn’t actually know what he wanted. Praise? Not a chance, not with Jinyoung being so cautious and iron fisted around the topic of Youngjae. It’s for protection since he did the exact same with Bambam. He was willing to make a scene just to help Bambam escape the apartment.

“Do you have feelings for him?” Jinyoung asks suddenly, tilting the room sideways for Mark.

And that’s the golden question, isn’t it? Does he have feelings for Youngjae or is he just liking what’s on offer? He feels guilt in his throat, threatening to strangle him because even if there are no feelings, he’s playing with Youngjae’s. It sounds empty when he tries to convince himself that there’s nothing between them, though.

Mark, ideally, would love to meet Youngjae and actually get to know him, without any pre-existing factors but that’s gone now. He can’t trick and sneak his way through every conversation. Youngjae doesn’t deserve that and this is the final straw. He’s just angry at himself because it took this huge step for Mark to realise just what the hell he’s been doing.

He never meant to fuck around this much with Youngjae. “I have to tell him, don’t I?” he wonders aloud, his eyes hazy and unfocused.

Jaebeom shifts uncomfortably and Jinyoung sighs. “I’m afraid you do,” he answers, strained. “Did you really not think this through?”

“I didn’t think it would last this long,” he mumbles, defeated.

“How will you ever tell him?” Jaebeom asks, concerned. “Won’t he… Won’t he think you’re joking if you just tell him over text?”

Mark shrugs. He doesn’t really know how he’ll admit to everything. He’s better at these things in real life than he is over text but does he want to run the risk of meeting with Youngjae and spilling everything in public than just over text? He could just send photos of himself but… 

“What do you want to do, hyung?” Jinyoung asks softly, leaning forward to meet his eyes and Mark selfishly takes the warmth in them, desperately trying to make himself feel better. “I will help you with anything.”

“I will too,” Jaebeom offers, smiling as he takes Mark’s hand on his knee. “Whatever you need, just say it. We’ll do anything for you.”

“Just…” Mark puffs out his cheeks, giving Jaebeom’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Give me some time to think, I guess. I’ll let you know.”

Jaebeom nods, giving him another soft smile but it’s too much. Mark stands and lets go of his hand, retreating to his room and he turns off his phone, dead to the world. He really doesn’t know how he’s going to fix this and he hasn’t heard from Youngjae since they  _ did that _ , which was a week ago.

A few more days of avoiding responsibilities can’t hurt.

  
  


***

_ Have I done something wrong? _

Youngjae hesitates to press send. He doesn’t think that he has, but he and Yien have not spoken since they decided to act like teenagers over the phone. Youngjae feels like he just lost his virginity somehow and no amount of sitting in the shower until the water runs cold is going to change that. 

He seriously doesn’t know how to feel. And who to talk to? He doesn’t know if he’s done anything wrong or if Yien just doesn’t want to speak to him. 

_ She’s not like that _ , he tells himself but it’s beginning to dawn on him just how much he might not know about the girl on his phone.

Does Youngjae have feelings for a girl he’s never met? Yes.

Is he losing sleep over how to tell her? Well, sometimes.

It seems ridiculous and the more he thinks about it, the more ridiculous it becomes. He has a crush on a girl in his phone that he met through a sugar app that he downloaded because of a rogue Instagram advertisement and now he’s sitting in his dorm room with the lights off, almost five months later, thinking about how to confess to this random girl that he’s fallen for her.

And fallen for what, exactly? Her  _ photos?  _ Her voice? What the hell does he even like about her? 

Well, he likes a lot about her. She’s there when he needs her. She gave him back his money, too, which isn’t that deep but Youngjae finds doubt in the thought that maybe Yien has done that for other men. He doesn’t know why he thinks he’s special but he wants to be special, special to Yien. It’s  _ pathetic,  _ even for Youngjae and he rubs his face, annoyed with it all.

Yien doesn’t owe him anything. Youngjae keeps telling himself that and he does believe it because it’s true. Yien had all the options to just ignore him and that would have been that but she keeps up with him and checks in. She feels real and unreal at the same time and maybe that’s just Youngjae’s lonely brain but he values it. She feels… God, Youngjae doesn’t even fucking know.

What is Yien to him? She’s always been someone unattainable and here Youngjae is, alone and stewing in his feelings for a girl that barely thinks about him. Well, that’s what he assumes. She has that many other guys in her inbox, sending her money and doing God knows what so why does Youngjae think he’s so special?

He wants to be special. He gave her a part of himself unknowingly and now he can’t take it back. He isn’t sure if he even wants to take it back.

_ Can we talk? _ he types and doesn’t send yet again.

_ I’m sorry if I overstepped, _ gets deleted immediately. 

Sorry for what? Yien asked if he was sure and he agreed. They’re both at fault, if something really has been overstepped. They’re not together, not dating or  _ anything _ . They don’t owe each other anything but Youngjae is too hung up on a girl that hasn’t messaged him for a week and a half to let this go. It’s useless to even berate himself over it because that’s what he’s been doing for the past week and a half.

_ I miss you, _ he tries but his fingers clear that before his brain can start begging Yien like a fool. 

“Fuck my life,” he curses as he falls back on his bed. He has an assignment he needs to work on but he’ll do nothing of the sort, sick of everything. He rolls over and lets his mind run wild until it can’t handle itself and he drifts into a fitful sleep, desperately escaping the waking world.

  
  


***

Mark wakes up to the smell of Jinyoung’s pancakes.

He opens his eyes slowly, alone in his bed. Jinyoung is cooking, Bambam is talking lowly. Jaebeom isn’t in the kitchen from what Mark can tell but he doesn’t want to get up. He must be looking extremely pathetic for Jinyoung to cook his pancakes on a non-special occasion. It’s October, nothing special there. There’s no birthday coming up aside from Yugyeom’s next month. 

Jinyoung cooks pancakes for special occasions but all that’s happened is Mark’s self esteem has stooped so low it’s scraping the ocean floor and he doesn’t know how to get it back up. Youngjae still hasn’t messaged him and he hasn’t messaged him in return. He can’t be too upset about that, given that neither of them have tried to talk to each other. They’re both stewing, it seems.

In his lapse of judgement towards himself, he grabs his phone and opens his messages with Youngjae. He stares at the final message, one that Marksent and sighs.

_ Relax, otter, please.  _

_ Don’t worry about this, I’m not upset.  _

_ Goodnight, otter. _

Mark has never felt like this. He messages people first, he can keep talking to someone for  _ hours _ . Youngjae is comfortable with him and he’s sweet so Mark has done just that when he should have been sleeping, should have been back at work but extended his break subconsciously. He makes Mark feel safe, like he’s just a friend on the other side of the phone. He feels like he’s known Youngjae for a very long time when it’s only been five months of their time together.

Five months. Five months of Mark’s little charade as Yien.

Why is this tearing him apart?

Oh, yeah.

Because Mark decided to catch feelings for a man he doesn’t know. Because he decided to fall for Youngjae, a broke college student that calls him noona shyly and talks to him about his major and sends him random snippets of his songs. 

Everything is so fucking _ confusing _ .

There’s a knock at the door and Mark rolls over, not wanting to be pulled out of bed by either of his roommates. The door opens and Mark braces himself for the voice but Jinyoung gets under the covers and wraps his arms around Mark, holding him close to his chest. He doesn’t say anything, just holds Mark against him and Mark starts to cry, shaking in the arms of his best friend.

He hasn’t even made a decision yet and this is what he’s feeling? Complete and utter despair? He chokes on a sob and Jinyoung hushes him, pressing a kiss to his hair as Mark whimpers and bites his finger to stop himself from being any louder. It’s pathetic, the way he’s acting. He hiccups and gasps, his heart feeling heavy and his stomach is in knots, weighing him down.

_ What the fuck do I do?  _ he wonders to himself but gets no answer.

Jinyoung is able to get him to roll over and Mark clutches onto his shirt at his shoulders, crying into his chest. He continues to hush him even when he sobs and sniffs, drooling everywhere but he can’t stop. Jinyoung has seen him at his absolute worst and he’ll see it again, completely undiluted. Mark has done this before, when life just kicks him in the gut and Jinyoung helps him through it every time, holding him and whispering in his ear.

“You’re okay,” he says now and Mark hears it against his face, where he’s tucked into his chest. Jinyoung’s voice has that grounding effect on him. “Come on, hyung. I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

Mark eventually slows his hiccups, pulling his finger from his mouth. It’s sore from where he’s bitten it but it’s the least of his worries. Jinyoung shifts and Mark panics, gripping his shirt to keep him close but his best friend just chuckles, rubbing his shoulder blade.

“Not going anywhere,” he whispers and rolls on his back to grab the tissues on his bedside table, plucking a few to give them to Mark. He ends up holding it over Mark’s nose for him to blow it and it’s pathetic, it’s  _ disgusting _ but Mark still does it, feeling pathetic and disgusting just as he would describe.

“Still no update?” Jinyoung asks softly, running his hand through Mark’s hair. It falls back onto his forehead but he keeps pushing it back, soothing him.

Mark shakes his head, hiding in Jinyoung’s chest. “I f-feel like… I just w-want to give up.” He shudders out a breath and Jinyoung scratches his nails against his scalp, making him breathe out more steadily. It’s grounding; Jinyoung is always grounding.

“Block your ears,” Jinyoung says in lieu of an answer. Mark does so and Jinyoung calls out, “Bambam!” loudly, over his shoulder. “Bring the pancakes!”

Their roommate comes in soon after with a huge plate of pancakes. He holds three forks and the pancakes have syrup on top with fresh fruit, raspberries and strawberries to be exact. There’s some blueberries but Bambam is already eating them as he steps onto the bed, crossing his legs as he sits. Jinyoung sits up with Mark in his arms and takes the forks from Bambam, handing one to Mark.

“Thanks,” Jinyoung says, smiling at Bambam who’s not even dressed. His shirt is too big, being one of Jinyoung’s and he has his actual glasses on, making him look a little older than he actually is. Mark smiles at him when their eyes meet and he picks at the pancakes, finally getting them to his mouth.

They’re good, they’re always good because it’s Jinyoung and if there’s one thing that will never change in his life, it’s Jinyoung and his pancakes. Mark will always find comfort in him, just like he will with Bambam who laughs when Jinyoung’s forkful of pancakes drops onto the sheets. He’s quick to pick it up but not without cursing.

Bambam sniffs. “Do you guys have work?” he asks, shoving his glasses up.

“Not until late,” Jinyoung answers, around his mouthful. “I start at six.”

“I don’t,” Mark says, shrugging. “Why?”

“Pyjama day,” Bambam smiles, spearing a strawberry and popping it whole into his mouth. “You need a self care day.”

“I don’t-”

“Deserve it?” Bambam interrupts and Mark nods awkwardly. “It’s not about whether you think you deserve it. It’s about what  _ I _ want to do. This isn’t about you.”

Mark snorts at that, sudden. It’s the response Bambam wants though, judging from how he grins.

Their day is nothing short of lazy, sitting with each other on the couch as a movie plays, one that Bambam likes but Mark and Jinyoung have never seen. They refuse to watch Jinyoung’s dramas purely because they don’t understand the elaborate plots but Mark gets the privilege of putting on Aladdin, settling in to watch Disney movies for the rest of the day.

Jinyoung leaves when he needs to go to work, kissing Mark’s forehead before he goes. Bambam scoffs at them, disgusted but screams and carries on when Jinyoung kisses him too, all over his cheek since Bambam squirms so much in retaliation.

“No scary movies while I’m gone,” he says but Bambam flips him off. They’re halfway through Frozen with How to Train Your Dragon lined up after it. They’ll be fine for the rest of the night since Mark and Bambam get way too heated over what dragon breed is the best suited for riding.

But that argument never happens because Bambam pauses Frozen just before Anna is about to freeze completely solid, making Mark toss his hands up in frustration. “It’s almost over!” he cries, irritated. “Do you really want to watch Hiccup be a pussy that badly?”

Bambam laughs, shaking his head. “Well, yes, but no. I’m pausing it because we need to talk.”

“Again?” Mark really isn’t the mood for this.

But Bambam is just trying to help, as always. “Yes. Again. Because Yugyeom isn’t here to be the sweet angel he always is and water my argument down.” He takes a breath as he settles into the couch, crossing his legs. “Have you spoken to Youngjae?”

“No,” Mark replies, bluntly. “I don’t know what I want to say to him.”

Bambam sniffs, pursing his lips as he thinks of how to phrase his question but it comes out bluntly anyway. “Don’t lie to me and tell me the truth. How do you feel about him?”

“He’s… nice,” Mark admits, not knowing what to say. He has no idea to describe his feelings because he can barely comprehend having feelings for a man he’s never met. He has them, he knows he does and it’s ripping him apart because what the fuck is he supposed to do with them, realistically?

“That’s it?” Bambam asks, incredulously. “Seriously?”

“What the fuck do you want me to say?!” Mark demands, crossing his arms like a child. “He’s just different, I don’t know? I… It feels weird when I don’t talk to him for a while but I wouldn’t say I miss him? I don’t get it.”

Bambam bites his lip, frowning before he takes a breath. “Hyung… I’ll ask you this. How do you want this to end? With Youngjae? Do you want anything from him in the event that he actually is okay with the whole Yien thing?”

Mark doesn’t respond at all. He needs some kind of closure but he doesn’t know what the hell he’s supposed to do. This has gone too far for too long. It’s been five months, five months too long that Mark has been tricking Youngjae with his false identity. What does he want from Youngjae? He technically doesn’t owe him an explanation and could just disappear from his life if he really wanted to but he  _ doesn’t want that. _

So what does he want? A relationship?

Ideally, anyone would want what Jaebeom and Jinyoung have. They haven’t had any serious problems so far and sure, it’s only early in their relationship but Jaebeom has accepted everything about Jinyoung, even about Mark too. He’s comfortable with all three of them, enough to let Bambam play with his makeup on his face and he fits in so damn well with them. 

Mark doesn’t want to project that onto Youngjae but Yugyeom has done the same, too. He took everything that Bambam told him and absorbed it in his own time and now, he has weekly dates with Bambam as they try to figure out what exactly they have between them. They work well together and even though Yugyeom sometimes doesn’t get the lifestyle Mark and Bambam have, he tries his very hardest to understand.

Mark wants that in Youngjae. It’s… not realistic but it worked for Jaebeom and Yugyeom. So why can’t it work for Youngjae?

Mark can’t help but doubt everything. He expects the very worst in people so he can’t be let down and right now, he’s guilty of it. He wants Youngjae to understand because he doesn’t want to lose him. He just wants Youngjae to know so he doesn’t have to feel so guilty about lying to him. It’s up to Youngjae how he wants to feel in return but Mark needs to play his part in this as well, if he wants to figure this all out and get some closure.

“I’ll... “ He licks his lips, feeling completely numb. He can’t keep doing this because even though Mark will admit that he’s a terrible person with a stupid way of thinking, he can’t keep doing this to Youngjae. “I have to end it.”

Bambam runs his teeth along his lip before he nods, looking away from him. It takes a moment before he shrugs, sighing. “Okay,” is all he says and he presses play on the movie again, settling in next to Mark again.

Jinyoung comes home and he’s in Mark’s arms in an instant. None of them speak even when Bambam cuddles into Mark’s other side, his head on his chest. Mark holds them both, content for the time being. It’s all he can do right now and he relaxes with both of them, flicking the movie over to Mulan so they can all mess around and sing at the top of their lungs.

  
  


***

_ Otter [08:44] _

have i done something wrong?

  
  


Really, absolutely nothing could have prepared him for that. Mark has been dreading the message he receives from Youngjae but he’s selfishly glad that Youngjae has actually started the conversation because God knows he wasn’t going to. He’s pathetic but it’s done now.

  
  


_ Yien [08:53] _

you haven’t done anything wrong otter

ever

_ Otter [08:54] _

then why does it feel like i have?

we haven’t spoken since what we did

and you told me not to worry about it but 

i’m worried about it noona

  
  


_ Yien [08:57] _

please don’t be worried

i’m not upset about that as all i promise you

_ Otter [08:58] _

then what do we do?

i don’t want to lose you please noona

i’m so sorry for anything

  
  


_ Yien [9:00] _

otter don’t apologise

i’ll explain everything okay?

but we need to meet up

  
  


Mark rubs his face, groaning out loud. He slumps into his bed and screams into his pillow but he’s made the decision when he was with Bambam. He needs to set this straight.

Mark can’t do this over the phone. Youngjae deserves more than that and a phone call won’t cut it either. Mark is brave enough to hold his ground against someone and if he meets with Youngjae, he’ll have better control over it all. He’s scared, fucking hell he’s scared, but this needs to be done. He likes Youngjae and it’s not something he would have thought would happen but it did and now he’s here.

Worse comes to worse, he’ll have Bambam and Jinyoung for backup. He doubts Youngjae would do anything bad to him but Mark can’t be sure of it. He doesn’t know Youngjae in real life and he needs to close this chapter whether it’s good or bad. 

  
  


_ Otter [09:04] _

meet up?

are you sure?

  
  


_ Yien [09:06] _

yes 

i have things i need to tell you youngjae

do you trust me?

_ Otter [09:07] _

i do noona

i have things i need to tell you as well

i’m free tonight, honestly

or is it too soon?

  
  


Mark tells him it’s perfect and they plan it without any more questions. Youngjae tells him he’ll be waiting and that he’s excited to meet and Mark tells him the same. He is excited, honestly, but things will not work out the way he wants it to. Mark is naturally pessimistic and he can’t help but do that right now. This isn’t how he imagined any of this would go but he stands up against his thoughts that tell him to go back to sleep and opens his bedroom door.

He knocks on Bambam’s door, waking him up and Jinyoung looks up from where he is on the couch, following Mark into Bambam’s bedroom.

“We’re meeting tonight,” Mark says quickly, to a half asleep Bambam who’s in the middle of yawning. He chokes on his own spit and Mark sits down on his bed, holding his arms weirdly. “Will you both come with me, just in case?”

“Of course,” Jinyoung says, looking between them. “Will you dress as Yien or…?”

“I will,” Mark agrees, sighing. He’s always exhausted. “I’m going to tell him everything so just… God, fuck, I don’t even know.”

Jinyoung sits down next to him and Bambam crawls over to hold Mark from behind. He’s not wearing a shirt and his silver hair is messy and everywhere but Mark touches his arm that snakes around his shoulder, rubbing circles in his skin. Bambam is warm and it’s comforting. Jinyoung holds his other hand, squeezing it with both of his hands and Mark sighs.

“We’ll be okay,” Jinyoung whispers, pressing his face into Mark’s hair.

Mark doesn’t know if he can agree.

It takes some time for Mark to actually get up and get ready. Bambam does his makeup for him before he goes to work, neither of them speaking as Bambam presses powders to his skin, lines his eyes and even dots some freckles on the bridge of his nose. 

Mark looks in the mirror as Bambam cleans up his products and sighs, messing up his hair to see how it will look with his red hair. It’s simple, perfect for Yien, just a soft brown smokey eye and Mark swallows, leaning back in his chair.

“I’ll be back before you need to go,” Bambam says, capping the eyeliner. He turns to Mark and smiles at him, strained. “Are you really sure about this? Can’t you just tell him over the phone or something? It’s not like you really sound like a girl.”

“I could, but it seems like a huge cop out,” Mark confesses, sighing heavily. “I can’t do that to him, I guess. Like how people break up over text, it just doesn’t sit well with me.” He looks up at Bambam with wide eyes as he pulls on the younger’s shirt. “I really can’t do that to him. He’s… He’s my Yugyeom, I guess.”

Bambam rubs his face, pinching his brow for a second before he drops his hand. “God,” he sighs and Mark feels guilty for saying that but at least he understands. Yugyeom is a sweetheart and took Bambam’s reveal as well as he could and everything came out okay. It could have gone terribly but Yugyeom seemed to realise that Bambi and Bambam aren’t that different and that either way, he fell for someone who’s smart as well as a bit of an idiot but loving and kind. Bambam hit the jackpot in Yugyeom and it seems to be paying off.

“Then I hope he’s like Yugyeom,” Bambam says, fiddling with his palettes before he purses his lips. “I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Mark echoes, standing up. He leaves Bambam’s room and keeps to himself, seeing him out when the younger leaves for work. Mark sorts through his clothes and picks out something that won’t look too strange should he really have to take off his wig when meeting Youngjae. He prays it won’t have to come to that, that Youngjae will be able to tell just from seeing him but he can never be sure.

It’s an black jumpsuit that he picks out and pairs with one of Bambam’s belts, fitting his waist snug. He moves in the mirror to see how it fits before he grabs his wig and puts it on. It still looks nice when he’s Yien and he wears a pair of Jinyoung’s creepers and they make him taller, to which he huffs a laugh. He’ll be taller than Youngjae, should the other wear normal shoes, so he hopes that gives him a bit of an advantage.

He smoothes his hands down his front and starts to gather his things. When Bambam comes home, as well as Jinyoung who just stepped out to meet Jaebeom for a late lunch, they’ll be out the door to meet Youngjae. He sits comfortably in his outfit, trying to keep himself settled. He has no doubt that Jaebeom will join them, since Jinyoung doesn’t like to drive and Bambam  _ can’t _ . That, and it’s for Mark so it’s most likely that the heir will come with them, given what he said previously to Mark.

That makes Mark take a deep breath. It’ll be okay. Whatever happens will happen, as Bambam likes to say. Mark has his friends to support him, to fall back on. He hates that he doesn’t like to ask for help but it’s so relieving to know that his friends have got his back, no matter the dumb decisions he makes or the situations he lands himself in.

It’ll be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooo cliffhanger but yes they will meet i swear to you it's finally happening please bear with me babes love you thanks for reading


	9. Chapter 9

Jinyoung stands with Mark where he and Youngjae planned to meet.

Their arms are linked together and it brings comfort to Mark to have him so close. That and it doesn’t look out of place, with Jinyoung standing tall next to him as Mark tucks a piece of his hair behind his ear, exhausted already.

“I’ll stay close to you,” Jinyoung says, as if it’s a spy mission but then again, it sort of feels like it. He smiles when Mark looks up at him, cupping his face sweetly. “Okay? I’ll make sure you’re safe.”

“He’s not going to hurt me,” Mark says but he really isn’t sure anymore. If he was Youngjae, he’d take the first opportunity to sock Mark right in the jaw. He deserves it so he can’t imagine Youngjae not being angry with him, at the very least. “But thank you,” he says to Jinyoung who pulls away from him slowly.

“I’ll call you when I need you,” Mark says quietly, his eyes on the open mall.

Jinyoung breaks away from him when Mark sees Youngjae looking a little lost in front of a coffee shop. He’s hard to miss with his bright blue hair so Mark crosses the floor to meet him. Jinyoung stays where he is, his sunglasses on and Mark looks back only to see Bambam next to him now, Jaebeom catching up with them quickly as they walk away.

“Youngjae,” Mark says breathlessly and Youngjae startles, turning to him in a flurry. He doesn’t have to look down and that surprises him a little but he smiles, bright and unhidden and oh, that’s what that feels like. It’s so much different to speaking to him over the phone and Mark is a little lost just from looking at him.

“Hey, noona,” he greets and ducks his head shyly, looking unsure about how to greet him. Mark doesn’t know either; should they hug? No, that would be weird. “Are you okay? You look a bit… pale.”

Mark smiles, shaking his head. “No,” he says softly, looking down. He’s trying to make his voice a little higher but he isn’t sure if it’s working. “I’m okay, otter.”

Youngjae inhales sharply at the pet name and smiles, turning to invite Mark into the coffee shop. He even pulls out Mark’s chair for him, shy with red cheeks and Mark finds himself falling even harder, feeling guilty the whole while.

It’s a date, if anything, and Mark pointedly ignores Jinyoung slipping into the cafe and sitting behind Youngjae with Jaebeom facing him. Mark keeps to himself, staying quiet as Youngjae talks and it’s honestly… nice. His voice is wonderful to listen to and it’s making him a little less nervous but his emotions are too out of whack for him to comprehend anything.

“You’re a lot quieter,” Youngjae observes and he rests his hand on the table. Mark looks at it before he touches it, lacing their fingers together. Youngjae smiles, his eyes shining and he squeezes Mark’s hand. “Are you nervous?”

Mark shrugs, trying not to speak too much lest his voice give himself completely away but Youngjae is filling his silence pretty easily. 

“You don’t have to tell me everything,” Youngjae says softly and fuck, it hurts, the way that sentence has such double standards. He’s so patient and Mark doesn’t deserve it in the slightest. It makes his stomach plummet, twist and turn and spin but it’s too late to back out now. He made the decision to tell him and he can’t back out now-

“I want to tell you something,” Youngjae says suddenly, leaning forward a little. For a second, Mark is worried he spoke out loud but he leans forward too, mainly because he finds comfort in people being close and making him feel safe. Youngjae’s cheeks are bright red and his hand is shaking but Mark isn’t entirely sure if it’s Youngjae shaking or him.

“You can tell me anything,” Mark answers, finally meeting his eyes and everything makes him feel so horrible. The self-pitying is really on a roll today.

“I like you,” Youngjae blurts, his eyes wide. “I really do and I know that it’s stupid- We’ve never met before and… I don’t know, I just figured that if I told you, I’d be able to get over you.”

Mark feels like throwing up. He feels his face heating up as Youngjae goes quiet, his hand shaking as he pulls his hand away. Mark’s silence must be answer enough because Youngjae shifts awkwardly, looking away. 

Mark glances at him and Youngjae knows there’s something wrong, his eyes filled with worry. So, Mark stands up and grabs his wrist, finally taking control of everything for once in his life. He needs to come clean and he’s not going to do it well but he can’t lie anymore. He can’t hide himself from Youngjae when all he’s getting is genuine admiration and sincerity from the young man.

Youngjae stiffens under his grip but follows him into the men’s toilet, frowning and sputtering when he realises. There’s a loud scraping of a chair against the floor and Mark only has time to give Jinyoung’s a fleeting glance before he charges away, Youngjae trailing behind him.

“Yien,” Youngjae manages, glancing around, “this isn’t- Uh, are you… This isn’t… allowed?” He’s panicking and who could blame him? He  _ was _ supposed to be a girl. Mark pulls him into a stall and locks the door behind him anyway. Jinyoung doesn’t follow them in but Mark can hear his voice, telling Jaebeom to go back to the table. That’s sort of a relief and Mark heaves a breath.

Youngjae stares at him, blinking in confusion. He’s nervous but Mark steps away from the door of the cubicle to give him something to do and he touches his hand to his wig, unsure of what exactly he’s planning to do. “I… Youngjae, I’m sorry about everything and I’m sorry for lying to you and just… I’m really sorry.”

Youngjae’s expression morphs into a frown and he reaches for Mark, confused. He selfishly lets himself be held and his chin is tipped up to meet Youngjae’s eyes and it hurts so bad because this wasn’t  _ how it was supposed to go _ . Mark wasn’t supposed to meet him, wasn’t supposed to  _ fall _ for him but he’s doing it right now, selfishly and at no point of stopping. Youngjae doesn’t deserve this and yet Mark selfishly did it, made him fall and let them collide because he’s too much of a coward to come clean.

“What are you apologising for, noona?” he asks softly and Mark feels his cheeks get even hotter, his ears red underneath his wig and he pushes Youngjae away so he can finally take it off. His wig cap comes off with it and he’s grateful he’s not wearing a skirt today or his look really would be weird.

But he ruffles his red hair up, pulling it over his forehead and hoping that he doesn’t look as defeated as he feels as he glances at Youngjae, struggling to meet his wide eyes. He looks shocked and his cheeks are red so Mark fiddles with his wig in hopes that it will calm him down. It doesn’t at all, just gets tangled in his fingers as his body shakes from the nerves.

“You don’t owe me anything,” Mark says quickly, looking down. He’s said that so many times to Youngjae and yet now is when he needs to say it the most but it feels like it’s falling flat. It was never supposed to end up like this. “I just… I never lied to you about anything I told you, please trust me on that. I’m not smart enough for that. But… This isn’t me and I can’t keep lying to you because you deserve so much better than me and-”

“What’s your name?” Youngjae’s tone is low, flat, his eyes boring down at Mark. 

Mark stares at him, his blood running cold. Youngjae’s only an inch taller but it makes Mark feel so small. He could hurt him if he wanted to. Mark wouldn’t blame him. “M-Mark… Mark Tuan,” he manages, swallowing thickly. “I’m- Uh, I’m from America, originally, which I told you. My full name is Mark Yien Tuan.”

Youngjae blinks at him and he doesn’t seem like the one for anger, not like Jaebeom or even Jinyoung. But his eyes are cold and he looks away, taking a deep breath. Mark doesn’t know what to say - well, what the fuck can he say? He can only watch as Youngjae sits down on the toilet seat, running his hands through his hair. This place is filthy and definitely not the place to confess this kind of thing but Mark would much rather confess it to Youngjae where he can see his face and reactions instead of getting no closure over the phone.

He crouches down, shoving his wig into his backpack to get it out of the way. Youngjae does look at him, for an explanation but it doesn’t last because he starts to laugh. It’s cold, sarcastic and Mark feels like crying. This is all his fault and he knows it is but the stupid, irrational part of his brain made me believe that this would all be okay. That Youngjae wouldn’t hate him.

But he’s starting to realise that there’s no positive way out of this.

So all he can do is talk. All he can do is air his dirty laundry and pray to whatever God is listening that Youngjae will take him seriously.

Mark kneels on the floor, despite the grime and the dirt. He thinks he deserves it. “I’m the same age as what I said, I’m Chinese… I never lied about that. I have two roommates, all that was true. I’m just… I’m not a girl and I’m sorry but people don’t usually go onto that site to find someone to talk to.”

“I guess I’m special then,” Youngjae says bitterly before taking a sharp breath, shaking his head. “Fuck’s sake. How did… Fuck. I really must be fucking stupid.” He barks a harsh laugh again, smothering his hand against his mouth and his eyes stare at the stall wall, shaking slightly.

Mark can’t stop looking at him. He has a feeling he’ll never see him again. “I… I know I don’t deserve your kindness. I don’t deserve anything from me, let alone forgiveness.” He looks down, at his hands in his lap, as his backpack on the floor for some sense of security. “But… For what it’s worth, I’m so fucking sorry.”

There’s silence between them for a while, deafening and suffocating. Youngjae doesn’t look at him but he doesn’t look anywhere else. He doesn’t try to stand or leave so Mark can only hope he’s really listening.

“You didn’t lie to me,” Youngjae says suddenly, not a question. He looks down at Mark finally, running his teeth over his lip. “But… I don’t feel like I know you.”

“And you have every right to feel that way,” Mark pleads, his eyes wide. “But I really didn’t lie about everything I told you. I can prove it, if you want. I-”

Youngjae holds a hand up, silencing him. He looks tired,  _ overwhelmed _ , so Mark snaps his mouth shut. It takes some time but Youngjae eventually whispers, “Can we start over then?”

“You’ll consider it?” Mark asks, completely stunned. He was expecting to be screamed at, probably even punched. He was honestly  _ hoping _ to be punched but he knows Youngjae would never do something like that, no matter how angry. He knows that much about him. “Y-You still want to see me?”

“If I’m correct,” Youngjae says slowly, his hand still raised, “you’re twenty-six, you work at a clothing store and you love spicy food. Your favourite colour is red and your favourite lipstick is mulberry. You love your roommate’s pancakes but  _ he _ never makes them for you when you ask and you hate it when your legs are prickly and stick to your stockings.”

Mark blinks at him and Youngjae does it back, raising his eyebrows in prompting. So Mark starts to laugh because yeah, he did tell him a lot. All of it is true but he didn’t expect Youngjae to actually  _ remember _ . Youngjae laughs too, a little weak but a laugh all the same.

“You know about me, too,” Youngjae says quietly, reaching his hand up to touch Mark’s cheek. He almost flinches but eases into it, closing his eyes. It doesn’t feel real and he keeps telling himself he doesn’t deserve this because he doesn’t but Youngjae is giving it to him so he selfishly takes it.

“You have a brother,” he starts and Youngjae hums. “Your favourite is red too and you study music theory and piano. You’re a soon to be third year and you want to make your parents proud. There’s a record company you want to intern at to be a producer and you like dancing even though it’s tiring.”

“I didn’t lie either,” Youngjae adds, stroking his cheekbone as he smiles weakly. “I’m not smart enough for that.”

“Sorry if this is a whole confusion for your sexuality, too,” Mark breathes, leaning on his knees despite the fact that they’re in a public restroom. It’s disgusting and gross but Mark doesn’t have it in him to be shameless right now. At least Youngjae is sitting on the toilet and not on the floor. “I really didn’t mean to like you more than a one off thing.”

“It’s fine,” Youngjae laughs and it makes Mark relax, his hands on the younger’s knees to steady himself. It’s comforting for him to be there, in front of him and Mark futilely takes the feeling and keeps it for himself. “I got through that crisis a long time ago.”

Mark manages a smile at that. At least he doesn’t have that on his consciousness but it’s not like this is an ideal situation in the slightest. He meets Youngjae’s eyes, wide and searching. “I’m so sorry, Youngjae. I really am. If… If you never want to talk to me again, then I totally get it and I’ll leave you alone forever. I’m-”

“Hyung,” Youngjae whispers and it makes Mark want to cry. “Just… Can we get out of this stall, first?”

Mark blinks and shoots up. “Yes!” he exclaims, running his hands through his hair. “Yeah, let’s… I… Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Youngjae chuckles, tired. “It’s gross in here and you sat on the floor.”

“I’ve had worse,” Mark shrugs and unlocks the door, shuffling out of the restrooms. A few guys stare at them as they come out but Youngjae, the prick, walks up to the basins and starts washing his hands. He smiles at a man next to him who awkwardly smiles back, glancing at Mark in the reflection.

“Beautiful day, huh?” Youngjae says quietly, a pleasant smile on his lips. Mark rolls his eyes and grabs Youngjae by the hoodie, pulling him out of the restrooms. Jinyoung isn’t inside the cafe when they return but Youngjae takes his drink from the table and follows Mark out of the cafe.

They walk for a while and it’s a little awkward between them but Youngjae sips his drink, his hand in his pocket. He’s casual and comfortable, despite everything, while Mark is walking with his hands clasped tightly together, his head down. His backpack feels like a block of lead on his back with the wig inside but he ignores it.

Youngjae glances at him, pausing to look around. He spots a fountain that Mark doesn’t even recognise so he really has no idea where they are and asks him to sit with him. Mark does, keeping his backpack close to him and Youngjae sighs, rubbing his hands up and down his thighs.

“I… I’m going to need some time,” he confesses, avoiding Mark’s gaze. His hands shake a little on his leg and Mark ignores the want to take his hand and hold it. “It… I’m not exactly angry- well, not anymore. Just the initial shock, I suppose. I just don’t know what to feel?”

“I’m really sorry,” Mark repeats but Youngjae shakes his head.

“Stop apologising,” he chuckles softly, finally looking at him. “I want everything to be okay but I need some time. Can you give me some time to just… think all this through?”

Mark nods frantically, wringing his hands together nervously. “Yeah, I… Please. Take all the time you need.”

Youngjae nods slowly, in stark contrast to Mark. He sighs, looking down for a moment before he looks at Mark, searching for  _ something.  _ “You… You really didn’t lie?”

Mark stares at him in shock for a moment before he smiles sadly, shaking his head. “No,” he answers, his voice stuck in his throat. “I’m really not that smart, Youngjae. I’ll answer anything you want to know, I promise.”

Youngjae huffs a breath, his eyes back on his feet. He nods to himself, rocking his feet back and forth and just sighs, licking his lips. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you for being open with that, I guess.”

Mark smiles. “It’s okay. You don’t need to thank me. I owe you that much.”

Youngjae chuckles lowly, shaking his head. “I’ll…” He shifts, pulling out his phone and blinks at the time. “I should go.” He stands up and Mark looks up at him, deciding he should stay here to meet Jinyoung. His phone is probably going insane with notifications but it’s the last thing on his mind.

“I’ll… I’ll send you a message,” Youngjae says, scratching his cheek. “See you, hyung.”

Mark nods because he doesn’t trust his voice not to break. Youngjae nods back before he simply turns, his drink in his hand with his phone too. He leaves without turning back, allowing Mark a few moments to watch his retreating form. Eventually, he sighs, checking his phone as it starts to vibrate with Jinyoung’s contact, so he picks up.

_ “Hyung!” _ Jinyoung snaps and there’s Jaebeom’s voice in the background, exhaling a relieved ‘ _ Oh my god. _ ’  _ “Where the fuck are you?” _

“I’m… I’m by a fountain?” he offers and Jinyoung groans but says he’ll be right there. 

Mark feels blank, completely empty and he sighs, looking down at his hands. His phone doesn’t ring anymore but even Bambam has messaged him, telling him to ring any of them soon. He doesn’t know why they were so worried since Mark and Youngjae were just in the bathroom but whatever.

“Hyung,” comes Bambam’s voice suddenly, before he can get lost in his thoughts and Mark looks up at him, just milliseconds before Bambam hugs him, sitting down next to him. Jinyoung tangles his hands in Mark’s hair and pulls him close to him, sighing heavily. Was he really gone that long?

“What happened?” Bambam asks as he pulls back, smoothing his hands over Mark’s shoulders and hair, searching him for anything that could indicate that he’s been hurt.

“He said he’d text me,” Mark says simply, sighing. He really has no idea what to say. “He... I guess he took it better than I expected.”

“You disappeared,” Jaebeom says, his hand on Jinyoung’s back. “Like, you went into the toilet but you never came out.”

“I did,” Mark says, offering a laugh for them. “I guess you missed it.”

“Did he say anything?” Jinyoung asks, almost demands. He’s scowling but Mark shrugs.

“No, not really.” Mark rubs his hands together, suddenly cold. He stifles a yawn behind his hand and leans on Bambam, smiling softly to himself. “It was surprisingly okay. I didn’t really lie to him about who I am, just about my… gender.” He snorts at that and Bambam smiles too, tutting at him.

“Well, it’s over now,” Bambam sighs, rubbing his back softly. Mark rolls his shoulders back and relaxes into it and Jaebeom huffs a sudden laugh, poking Mark in the forehead. 

“I guess we just wait for his message?” he wonders aloud, frowning.

Mark snorts at him. “Yeah, with my phone that’s apparently communal?” He rolls his eyes, poking Jaebeom in the stomach. “Should we take shifts watching my phone?”

“You know what I meant, asshole,” Jaebeom mutters, stepping away from him. Jinyoung shoots a look at him but helps Mark up, linking their arms together. He takes Jaebeom’s hand and Mark takes Bambam’s hand, squeezing.

“Let’s go home,” Jinyoung says, leaning against Jaebeom. “It’s cold. I want to go home.”

Mark promptly shivers, earning a laugh from Bambam who starts to lead them all back to Jaebeom’s car. It’s good enough for now. It’s a better ending than he could have hoped for.

  
  


***

A mind map of confusing words later, Youngjae sits back and stares at his words.

What he knows: Yien is not a woman. 

Yien is a man named Mark.

Mark is twenty-six. Mark has dyed red hair. Mark is the same height as Yien. Mark is American and his heritage is Taiwanese. His full name is Mark Yien Tuan so Yien technically is his name, legally. He didn’t lie about that.

If Youngjae chooses to believe that Mark didn’t lie to him underneath the mask of Yien, it would appear that Mark’s favourite colour is red. He lives with two other people, one of which is a man named Jinyoung. His roommate’s (presumably Jinyoung) pancakes are one of Mark’s favourite foods but he can’t escape his love for spicy food. Mark works in a clothing store, too, and he does his own makeup whenever he can. He loves horror movies and dyes his own hair.

Youngjae stares at his shitty mind map for a few moments. There’s a huge, messy scroll of  _ Mark _ in the middle, a  _ (Yien) _ scribbled underneath it. He blinks at it and rubs his eyes underneath his glasses, sighing loudly.

It’s hard to comprehend this. Sure, Mark didn’t lie. But Mark isn’t  _ Yien.  _ Youngjae fell for a girl in his phone and yeah, he feels like a fucking idiot. He didn’t ever question  _ anything _ . Looking back on it, he probably should have picked up on Mark’s deeper voice but he’s really… not that observant when it comes to people. He liked Yien; so what if she had a deep voice?

Youngjae should have figured it out but he didn’t. He’s angry at himself but at the same time, he’s sort of impressed. Mark managed to fool him four months straight but then again, they’ve only met once. He has to be thankful that Mark came clean to him then and didn't let it continue. Youngjae would have been more pissed off if he did that.

But Mark seemed genuinely upset to be confessing what he did. He wouldn’t stop apologising, even when Youngjae told him not to. They were able to speak a little and sure, Youngjae was angry at first. He was  _ livid  _ for a few seconds but everything started to be explained, and he thought it through. Mark still doesn’t owe him anything, even if he played him because Mark refunded him all that he paid and  _ still _ talked to him.

Youngjae runs his fingers through his hair, tugging on it to ground himself. Everything makes sense and yet his mind is still having a fucking moment. It’s probably going to last a while because now he has to rethink everything he thought he knew about his feelings.

Yien is Mark. Mark is Yien.

But he’s not at the same time.

Youngjae doesn’t know this man and yet… he does. He knows almost everything about Mark but he doesn’t. There’s a wall between them and it confuses Youngjae. Everything makes sense and yet it doesn’t so now what the fuck is he supposed to do?

He finally came to terms with having feelings for Yien and now, he doesn’t know what he feels. It’s still there but convincing himself to fall for Mark is a little harder than it might sound. It’s driving him up the wall. 

“What the fuck is going on?” Youngjae wonders, rubbing his face harshly. He needs time. He told Mark he needed time and Mark is giving him time. It’s good enough but Youngjae still feels like he’s losing some kind of battle.

Fuck.

***

Three weeks after radio silence from Youngjae, Mark receives a message.

He was genuinely not expecting a message. Perhaps Youngjae concluded what he wanted about Mark and that was their history. Asking for closure from Youngjae is selfish and Mark didn’t want to overstep and message him when he told him he would give him time.

Mark has been trying his best to ignore everything. He’s tried to return back to his normal life (Pre-Youngjae era, as Bambam likes to call it) and it’s worked as well as it can. He goes to work as normal, as much as he can so he doesn’t have to focus on things back home. 

Bambam keeps up his content in the third bedroom. He avoids asking Mark for help with any of his photos and Mark sees a few of his photos, Jinyoung with him instead. It’s nothing new and Mark isn’t offended. He’s not in the mood to be Yien so there’s no point in even asking him. He goes to work and he comes home to sit in his bedroom or on the couch and plays video games with Bambam or watches whatever drama Jinyoung is into right now.

It’s a pretty good distraction but it only really works for a few days. At the end of the two weeks of silence from Youngjae, Mark has just about run himself completely insane.

It’s Yugyeom’s birthday soon, in about two weeks, and Youngjae’s contact shows up in Mark’s phone when Bambam is talking about Yugyeom’s birthday party. Yugyeom right next to him.

“Where do you want it?” Bambam asks, looking at Yugyeom who just shrugs, not helpful at all. “Dude, please give me options or I’m going to plan something you hate.”

“I don’t think you could make me hate anything,” Yugyeom answers, scanning Bambam’s list. “But I don’t mind. I sort of just want to go out for a nice dinner. I don’t want anything crazy.”

Bambam sighs but a smile plays on his lips, eyes on Yugyeom. “Okay,” he says quietly, convinced. “Maybe… Do you want to rent a house for the weekend? Your birthday is on the Sunday, so it could be fun to rent it out, yeah?”

Yugyeom nods along, pursing his lips. “Yeah, I like that idea. How many people would come, though?”

“It’s your birthday,” Bambam says softly, his fingers burying themselves into Yugyeom’s honey blonde hair. “Invite whoever you want, but it depends on the location, so maybe keep it a little on the smaller side?”

Yugyeom preens briefly under Bambam’s fingers before counting on his fingers, “Well, there’s me, you, Mark-hyung, Jaebeom-hyung, Jinyoung-hyung… Oh.” He looks at Bambam and smiles brightly. Mark can’t help but feel warm when Yugyeom smiles like that, innocent and sweet. “There’s someone who I’m really close with at work. He’s Jaebeom-hyung’s friend too. Can I invite him?”

Bambam smiles back, ruffling his hair. “I don’t see why not. Would he mind, even though he’s never met Mark-hyung and I?”

“No, he’d love it.” Yugyeom grins, writing down  _ Jackson-hyung _ on Bambam’s note. “I’ve known him for a really long time, since I joined the company. He’s just… an older brother. I guess. We’re good friends. You’ll like him, I’m sure.”

Bambam circles Jackson’s name and bites at his nail, as Mark blinks down at his phone. A weekend away sounds nice, especially with all their friends but Youngjae is there on his phone and Mark stands up quickly, shaking his head.

“I have to… Uh-” He taps at his phone and Bambam frowns at him, lifting an eyebrow. “Youngjae messaged.”

Bambam nods and waves him off, excusing him. Yugyeom watches him with curious eyes, confused by his anxious reaction. Mark figures Bambam will tell him what exactly happened, in due time.

Mark scans his phone as he locks himself in his bedroom, sinking down into his bed. Youngjae’s messages are coming in slowly, the three grey dots appearing and disappearing as the messages come through. When he finishes typing, Mark doesn’t expect his heart to hurt as bad as it does.

  
  


_ Otter [23:47] _

hey

my name is youngjae, it's nice to meet you

i'm twenty-three

i'm going to graduate university soon

can you tell me who you are? 

i really think i need a friend right now

  
  


If he had to wait two weeks to just be fucked with, Mark would have given up a long time ago. He likes Youngjae, he really does but if this is all he’s going to get, he’s not putting up with it. Might as well get everything off his chest now so he can forgive himself and finally get some closure. It’s not the first time he’s been caught up on a boy and it won’t be the last but it’s the first time Mark will have the guts to finally shut things down.

  
  


_ Yien [23:50] _

youngjae... what are you doing?

i know i lied to you 

but if this is your sick way at getting back at me, i'm really not in the mood

that might sound rich considering what i've done  
  
but i'd rather have no hope than something fleeting

  
  


_ Otter [23:54] _

i'm not talking to yien

tell me who you are mark

i want to know who you are

everything, from the start

_ Yien [23:56] _

i'm not interesting

this won’t work with me

i’m seriously not interesting

_ Otter [23:56] _

try again hyung

i want to know who you are

so tell me or we can forget everything

  
  


Mark blinks and closes his eyes, taking a sharp breath. This isn’t how he intended anything to go but Youngjae is asking. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t respond since Mark has always been a sucker for Youngjae’s questions. He’s the only one that Mark doesn’t mind answering excessive questions from.

  
  


_ Yien [23:57] _

it's

nice to meet you youngjae

my name is mark

i'm from LA originally, i moved to korea a few years ago

  
  


_ Otter [23:58] _

what do you work as? 

and do you speak english?

_ Yien [23:59] _

yeah i speak english

i catfish men for money online as a woman

is that what you wanted?

_ Otter [12:00] _

i like that

kind of hot, not gonna lie

  
  


Mark scowls at the absurdity of that response but he still has it in him to giggle like an idiot. Of course he’d say that.  _ Of course _ , he’d fucking say that. But he can’t play it safe now. He’s skeptical of this because he convinced himself that he fucked everything up between them. Now that Youngjae wants to talk, they’d better get everything out into the open.

_ That’s one to grow on _ , Mark thinks.

  
  


_ Yien [12:03] _

do you seriously want to do this, youngjae?

i know i don’t deserve your kindness but

can i ask you to be gentle with me?

  
  


_ Otter [12:04] _

it’s funny that you think i’d do anything bad

hyung i really like yien

but what i

actually can i call you?

  
  


Mark doesn’t answer. He pulls up Youngjae’s contact and rings him. Youngjae picks up, laughing quietly and Mark sighs at the sound.

_ “What I was saying, _ ” Youngjae starts after they mumble greeting to each other,  _ “is that I really liked Yien. Like, I thought about her all the time. But what I realised is that Yien and Mark are pretty similar.” _

“I’m not that smart,” Mark says quietly, rubbing his nose. “The only thing that’s different between us is that she’s more… forward. She’s just… a persona.”

_ “That’s what I figured,” _ Youngjae whispers, tapping around on what sounds like a desk.  _ “I… It’s still going to take a little while but I do want to get to know you. I… I want to believe that you’re not a bad person.” _

“I never wanted to hurt you,” Mark breathes, feeling his throat close up. “I’m so sorry, Youngjae. I really didn’t want to hurt you.” He’s blurting it all out, too emotional to control his words but Youngjae simply hums, calm.

_ “I know, hyung. Let’s… Let’s talk like we did when we first met, okay?” _

_ “I do want to get to know you.”  _ Mark inhales sharply, his heart beginning to calm down. He nods but realises Youngjae can’t see him so he blurts, “Yes, I’d… I’d really like that. Thank you. For trusting me.”

_ “You don’t have to thank me,” _ Youngjae chuckles, soothing.  _ “Thank you for telling me. It says a lot, that you’re actually apologetic even when I’ve said you don’t have to apologise anymore.”  _ He clears his throat suddenly, sighing.  _ “But it’s late. Thank you for replying to me. I’ll… I’ll talk to you soon?” _

He sounds so hopeful and Mark is so weak for him. He smiles to himself, his stomach swooping. “Yes, please. Sleep well, Youngjae.”

_ “You too, hyung. Don’t stay up too late.” _

Mark hangs up after saying goodnight, sighing as he flops back onto his bed. He closes his eyes, keeping his phone close to his chest and he smiles, despite everything. He huffs a laugh, feeling everything come back down to him and he sighs again, feeling relieved.

There’s a knock at his door and it’s Bambam, sticking his head through the crack that he opens. “Oh good, you’re not busy,” he says, opening the door completely.

Mark sits up on his elbows and looks at him, raising an eyebrow. “What if I was?”

“I’m your number one priority so I doubt you wouldn’t listen to me,” Bambam smiles, tilting his head. “But seriously, are you okay? I expected a lot worse when I came in, honestly.”

Mark shakes his head, inviting him to sit. “I’m fine. Youngjae called me.” Bambam sits down slowly, like a parent about to have an awkward conversation with their child so Mark rolls his eyes at him. “It went well. We’re… We’re going to restart.”

Bambam raises his eyebrows in surprise, smiling softly. “That- That’s really good, hyung. I’m happy for you.” He exhales sharply, his eyes blowing wide. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t really have much hope.”

Mark stares at him, grimace clear on his face. “Thanks, dude. I should have never helped you with Yugyeom.” But he knows Bambam is just joking, from how the younger takes his hand and squeezes. “Is he still here?”

Bambam nods and the smile that touches his lips makes Mark feel warm. “Yeah, he wants to stay. Hyung is with JB, according to him, so you have the bedroom to yourself.”

Mark nods, looking down at his lap. Bambam side hugs him quickly, whispering a goodnight and Mark smiles at him, waving him off. “Goodnight, Bam.”

“Night, hyung,” Bambam says and Yugyeom pipes up from the lounge with, “Goodnight, Mark-hyung!” 

Mark rolls over onto his bed as soon as Bambam shuts the door. He opens up his and Youngjae’s chat and smiles at the messages, locking his phone again as he closes his eyes. Things are looking up. 

Maybe his life really is a sitcom and this is his big break.

  
  


***

Jackson is definitely a character.

Despite not knowing any of them aside from Jaebeom and Yugyeom, he greets Bambam at the door with a big hug, thanking him for the invite despite it being Yugyeom’s birthday. Bambam is stunned but hugs him back, only pulling away to shake his hand in a proper introduction.

Mark gets the same treatment and he laughs when Jackson goes to hug Jinyoung but gets a glare in response. He completely caves when Jackson pouts and cuddles him and it doesn’t take long for Jackson to settle in with them, as if he’s been their friend all along. Mark gets why Yugyeom likes him; he’s lively and sweet, easy to talk to and really outgoing. He’s adorable too, even to Jaebeom who tries to refuse him but gives up when Jackson flashes his puppy dog eyes.

“Get excited!” Jackson says to Yugyeom, shaking him with his arm around his shoulder. “You’re going to be twenty-two! How exciting.”

“I remember when I was twenty-two,” Mark sighs, earning a solemn nod from Jaebeom despite neither of them being much older. Mark only just turned twenty-six.

“Who’s the eldest?” Jackson asks, looking around before zeroing in on Mark, who gives him a wave. “You? But you look like…  _ that _ . You’re so cute.”

Mark huffs a laugh and Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Don’t fuel his ego. He already gets away with being twenty-one and never lets us forget it.”

“When you’re twenty-six, being mistaken for a younger age is flattering,” Mark defends, swiping his wine glass from Jinyoung. “Not all of us can look like Bambam.”

“Getting mistaken for being seventeen is not a compliment,” Bambam deadpans, glaring at him. “I can’t believe that woman said that. I almost got kicked out of that club because she thought I wasn’t legal.” He sighs, rubbing his nose so Yugyeom slips into the couch next to him, wrapping his arm around his shoulders.

The night is still young and the house is yet to be explored so Mark does it with his hand in Jaebeom’s, dragging him around the rooms and bathrooms as Jaebeom sips his whiskey. Mark takes a few photos in the giant bathroom upstairs, Jaebeom looking over his shoulder as he holds his glass up.

“Sending it to who?” Jaebeom asks and Mark smiles shakily, glancing up at him.

“I… I want to send it to Youngjae.”

“You’re talking again?” Jaebeom’s words aren’t unkind and his arm snakes around Mark’s shoulders, pulling him in as he leans against the sink. “You’re alright with that?”

Mark nods, feeling a little giddy. “He… He wants to get to know me for who I am. Not as Yien. That’s all I can really ask for from him, honestly.”

Jaebeom purses his lips and nods a few times, rubbing his hand up Mark’s arm. “I’m happy for you then, hyung. I know you really like him.”

Mark huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes. Jaebeom is the only one that could say that and not get punched because Mark knows he means well. Jinyoung brings up Youngjae to make sure Mark is safe, to make sure he’s not being stupid and Bambam does it to tease him when he knows Mark isn’t going through some kind of crisis related to Youngjae.

“I want him to like me,” Mark mumbles, picking at his chipping phone case. “He’s really good for me. But I’m probably not good for him.”

“I think you’re good for anyone, hyung,” Jaebeom whispers into his hair. He blows a raspberry into his temple, forcing Mark to jump away from him with a snort. “Then you’re doing fine,” he smiles, taking Mark’s hand again to walk them back down the stairs. “I need another drink.”

Mark follows him down the stairs and Jinyoung is in the kitchen, staring down at a bottle of gin. He’s squinting at it to read the label and Jackson isn’t helping since he literally can’t see the fine print. Jinyoung looks up when Jaebeom slips in next to him, his hand on his waist and takes the whiskey bottle from the bar top.

“The bedroom upstairs is nice,” Jaebeom says, glancing at Mark as he sits at the bar top, crossing his arms. 

“Real honeymoon suite,” Mark adds with a smirk and Jinyoung lifts an eyebrow at him, looking at Jaebeom.

“Marry me then,” Jinyoung answers, twisting the cap of the gin bottle off. Jaebeom barks a laugh at his demand, his ears flushed. “Don’t go calling this shit the honeymoon suite if you won’t marry me, dickhead.”

“I forgot that you swear when you’re drunk,” Jaebeom muses, pressing a kiss to his jaw. Jinyoung mutters under his breath and waves the gin bottle underneath Jackson’s nose, getting him to jump away with a cough but he asks for the mix of it which Jinyoung delivers.

Mark keeps to himself for a little while. He hopes that Jaebeom is right. Maybe he is good for Youngjae but right now, he’s not seeing it. And yet, he’s still messaging him whenever he feels like it, sending him random photos of the things he finds. Youngjae hasn’t told him to stop so he won’t.

If Youngjae breaks away then Mark will let him go. It will hurt - God, it will fucking hurt - but Mark will let go. He has to be grateful for the time he got to spend with Youngjae, no matter the amount.

“You want in?” Jackson suddenly asks in Mark’s ear, startling him out of his thoughts. He turns, confused before his eyes fall on the shots in the middle of the dining room table. “Drinking game. I brought Jenga.”

Mark scans the blocks for a moment and realises that this could get messy very quickly. Each time a block is taken out, it has an instruction that varies from take one shot to take off one item of clothing. Bambam has already poured the shots and he’s reaching over the table to hand Jaebeom his whiskey glass.

“Yeah, I’m in,” Mark answers, smiling at him. He sits next to Jackson, taking a glass from the tray Bambam sets down to drink some of Jaebeom’s whiskey. 

The game starts off mostly innocent but it doesn’t take long before Jackson is naked from the waist up and Jinyoung is red in the face from Bambam picking him to do joint shots with. Jaebeom has managed to avoid any removal of clothing (much to Jinyoung’s dismay) and Mark has only been drinking because Bambam will occasionally hand him a shot. Yugyeom’s cheeks are pink and he smiles when Bambam dares him to let him sit in his lap. 

“That’s not a dare,” Jinyoung hiccups, scowling at him as Bambam wraps an arm around Yugyeom’s shoulders and perches in his lap. “You do that shit normally.”

“Shut up, hag,” Bambam responds, clicking his fingers at Jackson who shivers as he cracks his fingers, reaching to pull another block. The tower topples so everyone drinks and Mark skulls his whiskey, cringing when it burns his throat. He hasn’t even pulled a block once since Bambam just kept telling him what to do but he doesn’t mind all that much.

He pulls his phone out and takes a photo of the toppled tower, sending it to Youngjae in a spur of confidence.  _ Drunk Jenga, pray for me, _ he writes and Youngjae responds with prayer hands.

_ I hope you’re having fun, hyung,  _ he adds and Mark smiles, glancing at the shot Jinyoung passes to him. He doesn’t take it but Jaebeom does, promptly slamming it down and swallowing, looking at Jinyoung with a goofy grin.

_ I’m with friends, _ Mark types, smiling to himself.  _ It’s our youngest’s birthday. I’m not even playing the game anymore, my friend just keeps giving me shots. _

_ Watch yourself,  _ Youngjae answers and after a moment, he sends a singular heart. Mark tries to hide his smile, his tongue poking into his cheek.  _ But have fun, of course. Are you spending the weekend all together? _

_ Yeah, he’s the boyfriend of my other roommate, Bambam. The one who keeps giving me shots. _

_ Bambam and Jinyoung, yeah? _

_ You got it,  _ Mark answers and Youngjae sends back a  _ yay! _

It’s easy between them, as it always has been. There’s something lingering between them but it’s not awkward, surprisingly. Mark messages more often now but Youngjae likes to send him anything he wants, which always makes Mark smile. They call more often and Mark has had to stop himself from telling Youngjae how much he likes his voice.

Mark gets handed another glass of whiskey from Jaebeom who turns his head to the side to burp. Jinyoung has his head in his hands and Jackson flicks Yugyeom’s hand to tell him to pull one of the blocks of the newly made up tower.

Mark sits up straight and fiddles with his phone for a moment. He means to send Youngjae the photo of him and Jaebeom in the bathroom but he manages to call Youngjae on accident. He startles and almost drops his phone, yelping. Jaebeom yells at him out of shock, before slapping a hand over his mouth.

Mark means to hang up but Youngjae answers with a laugh, whispering,  _ “Hey, hyung.” _

He stands up in a rush and the whiskey runs to his head, making the room spin for a moment. He breathes heavily and stumbles around the living room, managing to get himself halfway up the stairs, away from the party since Bambam has started making weird noises and Yugyeom keeps cackling as if it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

“I didn’t mean to call,” Mark blurts out, rubbing his forehead. “But hello.”

_ “Are you drunk?” _ Youngjae asks, a smile in his voice. His voice is really soft. Mark feels safe even in his state of rocking slightly against the wooden stairs. He props his foot up on the wall to stop himself from falling.

“A little,” he says, sniffing. “I’m… It’s fun.” Youngjae chuckles but doesn’t answer right away. Mark is never one to talk much freely, since he doesn’t see a need to. He likes silence and when he’s comfortable, he really opens up.

And now, he’s comfortable enough to start talking to Youngjae, his words slurring together but Youngjae doesn’t comment on it at all, letting him ramble. It’s different this time around; Mark doesn’t have to hide himself out of fear and if Youngjae doesn’t like it, then it’s no fault of Mark’s. It’s been three, almost four weeks since the ordeal, if it can even be called that. 

“Yugyeom - that’s the baby’s name,” Mark giggles, scratching his foot to distract himself. He feels airy, like he’s not really present in the moment. That whiskey must be some top shelf shit. “It’s his birthday on Sunday. And-” He burps lowly, which Youngjae snorts at. “I think he’s cute. Him and Bambam are… You know. Annoying. But they’re funny.”

_ “How old are they?” _ Youngjae asks quietly.

“Twenty-two.” Mark smiles dizzily, his eyes slipping close. “You’re twenty-three.”

_ “I am,”  _ Youngjae answers, his voice quiet and it makes Mark hum.  _ “You sound sleepy, hyung.” _

“Your voice is nice,” Mark admits, smiling like a fool. “I like you. And your voice. You’re… Yeah. You know?”

Youngjae giggles which turns into a bit of a wheeze and Mark starts to giggle too, high pitched and silly.  _ “Yeah, I know, hyung. I like your voice too.” _

“You’re cute,” Mark mumbles, dropping his foot onto the step below with a heavy  _ thud _ . “I do… I like you, yeah? A lot.” He doesn’t know why he’s saying it now. Maybe it’s because he never said it when Youngjae confessed, in the cafe. He needs to say it now, or he won’t say it ever again.

_ “Yeah,”  _ Youngjae answers in a whisper. He sounds scared.  _ “Hyung, will you remember this?” _

Mark hiccups and nods, sniffing again. “I’m not that drunk,” he manages, blinking rapidly. “I think… I’m going to. I will remember. Since it’s important, I want to tell you. Before I don’t. You… I like you?”

He’s not making any sense but Youngjae is still patient with him and he hasn’t hung up yet so Mark can’t be doing too bad.  _ “Are you asking me or telling me?” _ Youngjae says in lieu of an answer so Mark makes an awkward sound.  _ “I know you do, hyung.” _

“Yeah, but in a gay way,” Mark says dumbly and then scoffs at himself. 

Youngjae snorts and cackles right into the microphone, loud and unhidden. It’s a funny situation that Mark is probably going to beat himself up over in the morning but for now, it’s incredible to hear Youngjae laugh like that and know he’s the cause, even if it’s because he just confessed his feelings while drunk and in the stupidest way possible.

_ “Yeah, I-”  _ Youngjae huffs another breathless laugh, shuffling around.  _ “I figured that one out, don’t worry. I think but you’re gonna have to give me a little while, to sort things out.” _

“I know,” Mark sniffs, clearing his throat. “I just want you to know. Because I suck. And I won’t say it later. When I’m sober. Well, I might.”

_ “It’s okay, hyung.”  _ Youngjae’s voice is warm so Mark closes his eyes and lets himself sink into the feeling. His heart isn’t racing but he feels giddy, just from his voice.  _ “Thank you for telling me, even if you’re drunk.” _

“You’re welcome,” Mark says and pulls the phone away from his face so he can burp. Jinyoung appears at the base of the stairs and glares at Mark, looking at his phone with a squint. “It’s Youngjae,” he says and Jinyoung takes the phone from him.

“Hey, college boy,” Jinyoung barks into the microphone, holding the phone to his ear afterwards. He leans against the wall and keeps taking the phone away to speak right into the microphone as if Youngjae wouldn’t be able to hear him normally. Mark watches him with half lidded eyes, hazy but with a smile on his lips.

“He’s drunk but that makes him honest,” Jinyoung says after a few minutes and hands the phone back to Mark. “Bye, Youngjae.” He steps down the stairs and Jaebeom meets him halfway, lifting him from the stairs as Jinyoung wraps his arms around his shoulders and lowers him onto the floor safely.

“That was Jinyoung,” Mark says and Youngjae hums. “Now he’s being… gross. With his boyfriend.”

_ “You just confessed your feelings to me ‘in a gay way’ but you’re calling him gross?” _

“Don’t tell me how to have feelings,” Mark mumbles, mockingly. Youngjae simply huffs a laugh and it forces Mark to smile stupidly, crooked and soft. “You’re cute, Youngjae. I… I want to see you. Again. Sometime.”

He’s glad Youngjae is still on the phone to him.  _ “I want to see you too, hyung. Maybe we can figure something out when you’re home.” _

“I’d like that.” Mark’s eyes are unfocused and he wants another drink but he also doesn’t want to move. “I’m gonna… I’m gonna go. Thank you for talking with me. Even though I’m an idiot and… I called you by accident.”

_ “Don’t worry about it, hyung. I like talking to you.” _

Mark hums, his body feeling weightless. “Have a good night. I like JB’s whiskey.”

_ “If I wasn’t broke, I’d buy you some.” _

“I’ll hold you to it,” Mark giggles, rubbing a hang over his face. “When you’re a rich musician. Bye, Youngjae.” His words come out in a whisper and Youngjae returns the farewell in the same tone, making Mark shiver. He’s able to hang up without messing anything else up. 

Jackson has put on some music and his shirt is back on, the Jenga game abandoned. Bambam sits on the stairs so Mark slides down slowly, taking his beer and finishing it off for him. Bambam laughs into his shoulder, taking the empty bottle before placing it back on the floor.

“I need Jaebeom’s whiskey,” Mark says so Bambam stands up with him and shoves him towards the kitchen. The night is a bit hazy afterwards but Mark revels in the warm feeling his heart sits in, even if the alcohol is making his head fuzzy.

“Happy birthday to Yugyeom,” he snorts as he pours the rest of Jaebeom’s whiskey into two glasses, one for him and one for Jaebeom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they have met...  
> if you've not noticed, i've been following a loose guide of a year, starting from around june/july. therefore the september line have all had their birthdays, same with yugyeom now!   
> i'm planning to end this fic at the end of the in fic year so next chapter will be the last one, followed by an elipogue, since there's much more i have in store for youngjae (note: he wants to intern at a record company, much like what yugyeom is doing right now (:<)  
> please stick by me for that and thank you for reading this far! i truly appreciate anything and everything anyone comments so thank you for a good time <3


	10. final

It’s early December and Youngjae decided to ask Mark to join him to hang out, since it’s the weekend. He’ll be on holidays for university soon, winter break starting just before Christmas so Youngjae is taking what little free time he has left, what little free time he has that matches up with Mark’s time. 

Mark’s work has been more busy recently because of people Christmas shopping so he’s been working more often but he’s free now, smiling at Youngjae even if his eyes are tired. His hair is messy, over his forehead and he looks warm in his hoodie and long coat but his jeans say otherwise, considering how ripped they are at the knees. Youngjae has quickly started to learn that Mark is like that; he looks like he should be hard edged and fierce and he  _ is _ but there’s a softer side to him that Youngjae sees more often than not nowadays.

“How do you feel about horror movies?” Mark asks.

Youngjae turns slowly at his name and smiles up at him, confused at the greeting. They only just saw each other from across the road and Mark skips over, wasting no time. “A hello would be nice?”

Mark blinks, his eyes lined with black and he looks pretty, his eyes sparkling a little. He’s always been pretty but that’s besides the point. “Oh, hello. How are you?”

“I’m good,” Youngjae laughs, standing up from the ledge he had been waiting at. “And I don’t mind about horror movies. Do you like them?”

“I like them,” Mark answers, glancing around their surroundings. “They’re my favourite genre of movie, actually. But nevermind that, what do you want to do?” He must have been thinking about it, before coming to meet him.

Youngjae raises his eyebrows at him but he huffs a laugh. He didn’t think Mark would leave it up to him today even though he’s the one that asked to meet up but he did have an idea in the back of his mind. “Have you ever been to an arcade?” 

Mark walks along with him, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. “Yeah, a few times.” He rubs his nose and Youngjae finds it cute. “Back in America, though. I didn’t really get a chance to explore the ones here. Bambam likes them but he goes by himself. Jinyoung hates video games so we’ve never gone.”

Youngjae nods. Mark hasn’t said much about America but the little snippets that he throws around feel natural. He must really like going back home. Youngjae supposes it’s similar to him going back to Mokpo for the holidays but at the same time, Youngjae isn’t from the other side of the globe.

“Then let me show you,” Youngjae says, nodding to one just down the street. It’s the middle of the day but there’s still a few school kids inside, absolutely shredding it at the dance machines. It’s always loud in arcades and Mark grimaces but Youngjae is long since used to it. When he was growing up, the arcades back home were where Youngjae spent most of his time, he and his brother trying to beat each other’s highscores.

“I like it here!” he says now, leaning into Mark’s space to talk to him. “There’s a lot of things to play. We can try together or play separately.”

Mark scans the machines for a moment. The arcade is on the bigger side, full of different games from shooting to dancing. Mark’s eyes on a Taiko machine in the corner and Youngjae doesn’t wait for him to make a decision. He takes his wrist and drags him to the machine.

“Youngjae, I don’t know how to-” he starts but Youngjae shakes his head, handing him the drumsticks for the game.

“I’ll show you!” he says as he selects through the game, finding an easy song. Before he starts, he shows Mark how to play and it’s pretty simple once they’re able to get a rhythm.

Mark beats him only because Youngjae lets him and he actually gets into the game with him, slamming the drumsticks a little harder than he should but it’s cute. Youngjae didn’t think he’d really like it here, considering how loud arcades can be but he takes it as a good sign when he has to stop Mark from breaking the drum from the sheer impact of his whacking.

“Good to know you’re competitive,” Youngjae laughs, finally pulling Mark away from the machine. The older man isn’t happy and keeps looking back at it but the machine gets taken by a couple so Youngjae checks to see what’s free.

“Can you dance?” Mark asks before Youngjae can, pointing to a dance machine. “We have these back in America, too. They were the only ones I used to play, actually.” He rubs his neck, sheepish but his smile is golden so Youngjae agrees to verse him.

It does not go well.

Mark being competitive is attractive, Youngjae will be the first to admit that. He gets this light in his eyes that’s like a pure unmoving flame, untouched and unable to fizzle out. But he gets  _ scary _ and though it’s hot in a roundabout way, Youngjae eventually steps off the dance machine with a laugh, especially since a few people have started watching Mark.

Youngjae encourages him even though his score is stagnant on the screen,  _ miss _ repetitively flashing. Mark finishes the round with a huff, panting and exhausted and turns to Youngjae with a wide smile, his eyes lit up with the colours of the arcade. His skin is bathed in red, an artificial sunset highlighting his skin and he opens his arms wide.

Youngjae opens his arms too and holds Mark around the waist, lifting him from the small ledge of the platform. It’s not high at all but it doesn’t matter. Their places get instantly replaced by two middle schoolers who are already sweating so Youngjae thinks it’s a good time to ditch the game, before Mark beats the shit out of some twelve year old for taking his high score which is remarkably high.

“Don’t be too upset,” Youngjae says as they move to another side of the arcade. There’s some quiet games, a few musical ones with pianos and Mark stops at them, holding up a finger to them.

“Do you want to play?” he asks softly, glancing at Youngjae’s hand still on his waist. 

Youngjae swallows. “I… Yeah, we can. Well, if you want to.” He offers a small smile to Mark and the elder returns it, unhidden and sweet. He doesn’t move his hand from his waist until he has to sit down.

He selects a bit of a faster song, something he knows from a long time ago and Mark places a hand on his shoulder, his thumb tracing along the top of his sweater. Youngjae tries not to focus on it even though he can feel Mark’s fingers burning into his skin like a tattoo.

“Sit with me,” Youngjae says after the first minute of the song, not looking away from the screen. Mark does, sticking close to his side and Youngjae relaxes his shoulders, flexing his fingers over the screen keys. 

“You’re really talented,” Mark comments. He’s said it before, as Yien, but hearing it is different and Youngjae sighs, a smile creeping up his face. The song isn’t difficult and he finishes easily, smiling at his score. He feels warm, especially when Mark squeezes his arm in delight. He takes on another song and before it starts, he asks Mark to join him.

Mark blinks, his eyes going wide as his cheeks heat up. “But I don’t… How am I supposed to do it?” 

“Have you never played piano?” Youngjae laughs, taking his hand from his arm and forcing it to relax, to hover over the screen. “Just press the corresponding keys. It’s so much easier than reading sheet music, don’t get me started-”

“Okay, okay,” Mark chuckles, glancing at him. “I’ll play.”

It goes about as well as one would expect. They both miss notes and Youngjae keeps lifting his right hand to play the treble notes since he’s on bass, out of instinct but Mark has that covered. Mark does surprisingly well, his eyes fixated on the glowing green and white screen. He’s a little unsure, repetitively glancing from the top screen to the keys but they pass with flying colours and Youngjae smiles when Mark giggles, clapping his hands together.

“Can we try again?” he asks, his face strangely close and who is Youngjae to deny that?

It’s only after another few songs that they eventually retreat to the claw machines on Mark’s request. “I’m really good at these,” he brags with a smirk, slotting a coin into one of the machines. Youngjae leans on the side of it and peers through the glass before he shakes his head, his ears red.

“Don’t aim for the otters,” he says with a snort but Mark sticks his tongue out in concentration, staring into the glass with enough intensity to set the thing on fire. He shifts the stuffed animals around but it only takes four more coins and a few creative insults directed at a certain stuffed rabbit for Mark to duck down and pull the otter from the slot.

“It’s you,” Mark announces, presenting it to Youngjae with a beautiful grin. “Please take it or I’ll lose my mind.”

Youngjae barks a laugh at that and reaches out for it. “Thank you, hyung.” He holds it up to the side of his face and pulls a smile, just like the toy has stitched into its stuffing and Mark giggles, high pitched and sweet. 

“These spot the difference photos are getting harder and harder,” he says and Youngjae laughs, holding the toy by his side. He knows it’s going to stay on his bed until he has to move out of his dorm. “This has been really fun. You’re really fun to be with.”

“I’m glad,” Youngjae answers and the atmosphere somehow gets heavier and lighter at the same time. Mark’s eyes have always been beautiful but he averts them now, his cheeks red from his flush and the dim lights of the claw machines. 

It feels like how Youngjae would imagine a date to feel like, even though he’s never been on one but Mark will not initiate anything between them. He agreed to give Youngjae time and that’s exactly what he’s giving him. Being together like this is nice and it gives Youngjae enough to reevaluate how he feels. Nothing has to be set in stone right now and they’re okay living in the limbo between them.

“I think…” He swallows when Mark looks up at him, his eyes beautiful and open. If it was different- If Youngjae was braver, he’d kiss him. “I don’t want to go home yet.”

“Good,” Mark answers and his face breaks into a grin. “I’m hungry and I want spicy food. Do you like  _ buldak?” _

“I’m starting to think you might be more Korean than I am.”

Mark huffs a laugh at him and nods to the door. Youngjae follows him out, blinking at the harsh brightness and Mark waits for him to readjust, taking his wrist. Youngjae looks down at their hands for a moment, thinking to himself and then he laces his fingers with Mark’s, his lips quirking into a not so innocent smile.

“You’re infuriating,” Mark huffs but squeezes his hand. “There’s a place here, hole in the wall type of stuff. It’s really good, cheap too.”

Youngjae nods, swinging their hands between them. He doesn’t say anything and Mark doesn’t need him to. Mark orders for them when they arrive and the place is much like a convenience store, where they sit at the window on stools, bowls in front of them.

Youngjae gets through half his meal before he coughs, unable to handle the heat of it. He chokes a little and Mark has to rub his back as he sucks down as much water as he can.

“Slow down,” Mark laughs, his hand consistent on Youngjae’s spine. “It’s chicken. You don’t have to scoff it down. And it’s spicy, otter, come on.”

“You’re not even sweating,” Youngjae gasps, sticking his tongue out to try and cool his mouth down. It doesn’t work because why would it? Youngjae drops his shoulders, weak from the amount of chili in the back of his throat.

“Why would I sweat?” Mark retorts, his brows furrowing. “I love spicy food. Bambam cooks with Thai chilis and we just eat them by themselves.”

Youngjae balks at him, his eyes wide. “What… How are they different to Korean peppers?”

“Some are spicier,” Mark says, picking at his chicken for a moment. “Bambam doesn’t tell me the names. He just cooks and then I eat them.”

Youngjae shakes his head, swallowing thickly. “That’s… You’ve got to be insane.” Mark shoots him a glare but his eyes soften when Youngjae sticks his tongue out again. It’s no doubt red in colour but Mark just smiles. “I like it, though. The dish. I mean, I’ve had it before but-”

“Not with this much chili,” Mark chuckles, dipping his chicken into the shallow dish of chili oil. He pops it into his mouth, smiling around it, closed lipped. “Suffer quietly.”

“I’ll just die, then.”

“Well, don’t,” Mark returns, sniffing. He looks at Youngjae, flicking his hair out of his eyes nonchalantly, as if Youngjae’s heart isn’t beating out of his chest. “I’d be sad. You can’t leave me alone, otter.”

Youngjae can’t control the flush that coats his cheeks, riding down his neck. He didn’t expect Mark to say that  _ at all _ but now that he has, Youngjae feels his heart speed up even more so. All he can think about Mark and his laugh, his smile, his radiant warmth, his-

“I can’t finish this chicken by myself.”

Youngjae stares. He stares at the bowl of chicken, at Mark still dipping his food in the oil and deflates, huffing a weak laugh. He shakes his head, stunned at the elder’s response but he can’t help but smile, his chest warm from not only the spice, but Mark’s presence too.

“You’re insane,” he repeats and Mark bumps his shoulder into his, leaning his head on his shoulder. He makes himself comfortable and Youngjae sighs, taking another piece of chicken to occupy his mind. Anything to get him to stop thinking about Mark who still doesn’t move from his shoulder.

***

“What are your plans for Christmas?”

Mark means for it to sound casual but his voice betrays him, coming out as hopeful. They’re friends, to an extent and Youngjae smiles as they sit down in a little bubble tea shop, their drinks in front of them. Mark doesn’t remember what he ordered - Youngjae did it for him.

“I’ll go home,” Youngjae answers, sipping from his cup. “My brother always spends Christmas at home and he got married recently, so his wife will come home to us, too.” He sniffs, licking his lips as he glances out the window, seeming to remember something. “Are you… going home?”

“No,” Mark says, a little quietly. “Getting money to go home can be a little steep sometimes. I probably won’t go home until next year. My parents might visit me in that time, but I’m not sure.”

“Do you miss them?”

Mark smiles weakly, nodding once. “You miss your parents when you don’t come home for a while, right?” He tries not to think about it but sometimes, questions like these betray him.

“Well, yeah,” Youngjae shrugs, his lips twitching. “But… my family doesn’t live on the other side of the world.” Mark doesn’t take offense to that but Youngjae still blinks at his words and stutters out, “S-Sorry. That was rude.”

“Don’t worry,” he chuckles, waving him off. “But yeah, I miss them. I talk with them when I can but it’s not the same, I guess.” He smiles at Youngjae, meeting his eyes. “But that’s why I’ve got Bam and Jinyoung. They’re my other family, same with Jaebeom and Yugyeom now.”

Youngjae takes his hand on the table and squeezes it, with a surprising amount of courage. It’s not like they haven’t touched before but they haven’t held hands like this since Mark confessed to his real identity. It’s a little surreal.

_ Am I a fucking super villain? _ he wonders to himself, frowning but he squeezes Youngjae’s hand, drawing his thumb over his knuckles. He’s leaving a lot up to Youngjae, for him to make any move towards anything between them. He won’t lie, he’s had trouble holding himself back from holding or grabbing Youngjae, or  _ kissing _ him but he’ll praise himself a little bit in that he’s been able to keep himself back.

“I’ve been meaning to ask about that,” Youngjae says, watching Mark’s hand. “Jaebeom is… Jinyoung’s boyfriend, right?”

“And Yugyeom is Bambam’s,” Mark laughs. “Well, he’s Bambam’s… something? Bambam keeps calling him his tall boy and then never addresses him by… a pet name? He’s weird like that.”

Youngjae chuckles. “No cute pet names like us, huh?”

Mark rolls his eyes at the obvious tease, praying his cheeks don’t heat up. “Don’t try it,  _ little bird _ .” He smirks when Youngjae flushes and huffs, staring out the window. He hasn’t called him that in a long time and it seems the effect has been lost in the slightest, even though Mark couldn’t see it in the beginning. But the feeling he gets when Youngjae flushes at his words.

“I am not above calling you noona in public, so don’t get it twisted,” Youngjae threatens, squeezing his hand. “You have no power over me.”

Mark thinks about that for a few moments but it’s true. Yien had power over Youngjae because he was whipped for her but it seems Mark is a little more infatuated with Youngjae than he originally planned for. “Maybe not,” he agrees, raising an eyebrow. “But that doesn’t mean you have power over me.” His answer is weak and he swallows loudly, which doesn’t help at all.

“You’re funny, has anyone ever told you that?” Youngjae smiles, cocky and Mark hates his heart for speeding up. He grips Youngjae’s hand with a sickening smile, screwing up his nose in some kind of mocking expression. Youngjae takes it because he’s like that, and he matches Mark’s face but as cute as he can manage, his eyes squinting.

“Drink your tea,” Mark says instead of challenging Youngjae back. He sips his own and pointedly avoids looking at Youngjae, but his thumb still runs over Youngjae’s knuckles but no one has to mention that.

“It’s getting dark,” Youngjae says after a while but he doesn’t move. Mark doesn’t move either, just blinks and smiles at Youngjae, pleased and content.

“Do you want to go home?”

Youngjae grins and steps out of his seat, taking Mark with him. “Not really.” He only lets go to put his arm around Mark’s shoulders. They walk, and Mark threads his fingers with Youngjae’s. “Do you think… Never mind.”

“Tell me,” Mark whispers, slowing his pace to get Youngjae to match.

Youngjae takes a moment, his eyes glazed over before he looks at Mark, smiling weakly. “Do you think that if we met normally… that we would have ended up like this?”

Mark purses his lips, shaking their hands a little in some way of reassurance. “Well, maybe. I think I would have flirted with you until you got sick of me.” He means it as a joke but Youngjae seems to be getting good at reading between the lines.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“I’m persistent and annoying,” Mark says, quirking an eyebrow. 

“No, that’s not what I was denying.” Youngjae chuckles, looking down. Mark ignores the jab. “I think it would have been me that would have flirted until you got sick of me.”

Mark rolls his eyes because  _ that’s _ rich. “I seriously doubt it. I’m not-”

“Hyung.” His eyes are full of mischief so Mark pulls his hand over his shoulder. If he doesn’t pull away he’ll do something really stupid but Youngjae lets him twirl out, dropping his hand. “I should be getting back.”

Right. Youngjae lives in a dorm and doesn’t drive. “I’ll drop you home,” he offers and Youngjae tries to turn it down, holding a hand up but Mark takes his hand, dragging him to his car.

“Don’t give it shit,” Mark says as he swings himself into his car. He has to kick open the passenger side and the door almost hits Youngjae in the face but he steps in, grimacing at the car. “I only got a new car a couple weeks back but Bambam already trashed it.”

“Yeah, that… You really didn’t lie.” He draws his hand over the dashboard and laughs at the dust. “All this and you couldn’t dust it?”

“Hey,” Mark chastises, smacking Youngjae in the shoulder as he starts up the car. “My other shitbox was worse. Be glad you never saw that one.” 

Youngjae has to direct him but the drive isn’t too difficult. His university is somewhat close by but Mark still has to reach over him to shove the passenger side door in a certain way to let him out of the damn car. They got it for cheap even though Jaebeom talked their old car up. Mark wasn’t about to buy a car for full price because that’s ridiculous.

But they got the green car they wanted and Mark draws his hand over the bonnet, biting his lip. Youngjae leans against the bonnet too, his hands in his pockets and crosses his ankles.

“I had a good time,” he says, leaning close to Mark. “I… I want to see you again.”

“I was going to invite you,” Mark blurts, his eyes wide.. “To New Years. If you’re not busy. And, uh- Want to spend it with my friends?” He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous; Youngjae can say no if he wants to. It’s not a big deal and Mark won’t be upset but he might sulk a little.

But Youngjae grins at him, charming and wonderful and Mark isn’t so nervous anymore. “I would love to,” he says quietly, suddenly close. “If that’s alright.” Mark doesn’t say anything, the floodlights of the university sparking on. Youngjae doesn’t pull away even when they switch on, sudden, and leans his forehead against Mark’s. 

“I have to go,” he whispers and Mark nods, unable to speak. “Thank you for today.”

“Thank you for giving me a chance,” Mark breathes, his eyes wide. Their voices are nothing above a whisper; if they don’t listen for them, they will not be heard. Youngjae does nothing but look like a sweetheart, his eyes bright and twinkling. “Thank you.”

“I’ll see you soon,” he says instead of taking Mark’s gratefulness. He doesn’t have to. “Drive safely.”

Mark almost kisses him. He really almost does and he wants to - God does he fucking want to but he doesn’t because it’s not up to him. Mark will wait as long as Youngjae needs. 

He pulls away and Youngjae steps from the bonnet, lifting his hand to wave to Mark. “Goodnight, hyung,” he calls, smiling brightly.

Mark just smiles and hopes his face doesn’t give himself away. It does but Youngjae has already turned away and Mark has already started his car back up.

  
  


***

“I invited Youngjae,” Mark admits when Yugyeom has stepped through their apartment door. It’s eleven in the evening and Bambam invited him over a week before Christmas because he won’t see him for the actual day.

“To Christmas?” Jinyoung asks, having just stepped out of the bathroom, a towel around his shoulders. “With us? I’m not going to be here until late, you know that.”

“To New Years,” Mark laughs, poking his bare chest just to squish the muscle. “He’s going home for Christmas, same as you and Yugyeom.”

“Will you go home?” Yugyeom asks Bambam quietly, still in the doorway. Bambam shakes his head and doesn’t say anything else. He hasn’t been back to Thailand in a long time so it’s not new for him but Mark and Bambam tend not to speak about going home too often, lest it bring them down.

“What about Jackson?” Jinyoung asks Yugyeom, drying his hair messily. “If he wants to come to New Years with us, he can.”

“I’ll message him,” Yugyeom smiles, letting Bambam take off his jacket for him. “He’d love to come but he’s been in China for the last week. He had a really good time on my birthday.”

Bambam keens at that, smiling up at Yugyeom. Jinyoung turns away to get himself a shirt. It turns out to be one of Mark’s hoodies but neither comment on it. Mark settles into the couch in the meantime, with the rest of them relaxing beside him. 

“So, Youngjae is coming?” Jinyoung asks, trying for casual but it comes out as awkward, like a father asking his son how his new girlfriend is. He even makes a face at his choice of words and Bambam laughs at him like a child, crossing his legs as he watches Jinyoung. 

“I just figured he wouldn’t want to go,” Jinyoung adds weakly, when no one answers him. “He doesn’t know any of us, so…”

Mark huffs a laugh. “I guess he didn’t really think about that.” He thinks for a moment before sighing, looking at Bambam because he’s the one that Mark’s worries need to be directed at. “Can you be gentle with him? I know you’re an asshole because it’s funny but I don’t want to scare him off anymore than I already have.”

“First of all,” Bambam starts, holding up his finger, “that is one of the meanest things you’ve ever said to me. And second of all, why am I getting told off? What would I even do to scare him off?”

“Be yourself?” Jinyoung offers when Yugyeom says, “Bully him?” The two of them smile at each other and Jinyoung licks his lips, proud of himself since Bambam sighs and slumps into the couch.

“I’m a delight to be around,” he defends but no one buys it. Yugyeom soon fixes his mood by putting an arm around his shoulder and tucking him into his side, effectively shutting his sly tongue up.

“Just don’t be an asshole,” Mark says, staring pointedly at Bambam who flips him off. “I want him to like me, not hate my friends and by association, hate me.”

“If he hated you, he would have told you by now,” Jinyoung says, as if Mark’s worries are the dumbest thing he’s heard yet. Maybe it is but Mark isn’t trying to risk his relationship with Youngjae anymore than he may have already done so and he doesn’t need Bambam to be the one to scare him off.

Jinyoung leans his head on Mark’s shoulder and whispers, “I’m looking forward to meeting him. You really like him, right?”

“Yeah,” Mark breathes, smiling to himself. Bambam and Yugyeom are off in their own world suddenly and Mark leaves them alone, turning into Jinyoung’s body just to be closer. “Do you think it’s stupid?” He’s never asked Jinyoung what he thinks of Youngjae now, especially since his secret is known.

Jinyoung hums and shrugs one shoulder. “I don’t think it matters what I think.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ll do the opposite of anything I say,” he laughs. 

Mark huffs a laugh too, shaking his head. “You’re right. But… I don’t want to regret anything. Even if we stay friends, I’m glad he’s still around.”

“I doubt you’ll stay friends,” Jinyoung says and Mark can  _ hear _ the tease in his voice. “If that boy isn’t sick of you yet, he’ll never get sick of you.”

“Thanks,” Mark deadpans, unsure if that was a compliment or not. Jinyoung doesn’t say anything else, just presses Mark closer and wraps his arms around him and Mark sighs, holding him more comfortably, his legs over Jinyoung’s knee.

He’s not nervous for New Years. He still has Christmas to worry about, so for now, he’ll worry about that. He just hopes Youngjae doesn’t change his mind about anything.

Actually, he should get something for Youngjae, shouldn’t he? They’re friends, at the very least. 

But what should he get him?

His presents for Bambam and Jinyoung have their own degree of sweetness. Mark likes buying things people will wear or use a lot, so he decided on a simple ring for Bambam and aromatherapy candles for Jinyoung to enjoy when things get a bit too much because Jaebeom has a bath in his apartment and Jinyoung has been eager to actually use it.

And for Youngjae, the man does wear a lot of simple jewelry so would it be too much to get him something like that? Mark should ask so that he doesn’t overstep but maybe a bracelet isn’t too farfetched. Youngjae wears rings so it’s not like he wouldn’t mind some jewelry.

When Jinyoung stands up to answer the door since Bambam decided to order dumplings, Mark sends Youngjae a text. It’s nothing major because he doesn’t want to give anything away and he thinks he’s been successful when Youngjae responds.

  
  


_ Mark [01:12] _

hey 

are you awake?

  
  


_ Otter [01:15] _

yeah lol i can’t sleep

what’s up hyung?

  
  


_ Mark [01:15] _

can i get you a christmas present?

i got bambam a ring so would you be okay with jewelry?

  
  


_ Otter [01:16] _

uh if you want to?

only if i can get you a present too

what do you want actually but be gentle

i’m really broke as you know

  
  


_ Mark [01:17] _

i don’t want anything from you

i just want to see you

  
  


_ Otter [01:17] _

that’s really cute hyung but you’re not getting away with that

don’t spend a lot on me if you get me anything

because 

i’m fucking broke

  
  


_ Mark [01:17] _

insert: i know this and love you meme

  
  


_ Otter [01:18] _

you

have opened a portal if you want to play this game

i have so many memes

but yes back to my original point you can buy me smth

  
  


_ Mark [01:18] _

i’ll keep it in mind

send me memes tho please i like memes

  
  


_ Otter [01:20] _

hear you loud and clear <3

  
  


***

Christmas is a little weird.

Jaebeom comes over for dinner with Jinyoung, since they spent it with their families. Jackson is still in China but will be back on the twenty-eighth to spend New Years with them. Bambam and Mark have been together all day, answering their relatives when they’ve called and Mark has been on video call all morning, it being Christmas Eve back in America. He’s getting a lot of the greetings and well wishes out of the way so he can be on call tomorrow before Christmas lunch, since it will be five in the morning for him when he has to call.

Mark only just hangs up when Jaebeom walks in, bags on his arms and Jinyoung has a new pair of sunglasses on his face. He takes Jaebeom’s bags and starts handing them out and Bambam gets Yugyeom’s presents from Jaebeom, to keep for New Years.

“Did you have a little Christmas without us?” Bambam asks, pointing at Jinyoung’s glasses and the older man drops the frames down his nose and raises his eyebrows, silently asking him to challenge him. Jaebeom laughs and pulls Jinyoung into his lap comfortably, waving his hands at the two of them.

“Open, open!” he says and startles when Bambam hands him his and Mark’s presents. “Oh, did you? For me?”

“The fuck do you think?” Bambam rolls his eyes but gets punched by Jinyoung, effectively shutting him up.

Mark’s present to Jaebeom is a pendant to hang in his apartment or to wear if he wants to, and it means protection. Jaebeom immediately puts it on, touching at the stone that rests on his chest, grinning at Mark.

“It’s nice,” Jinyoung says, holding the necklace when Jaebeom hands it to him. “I really like it.” 

Jaebeom opens Jinyoung’s over his lap and Jinyoung snatches at the candles when they’re revealed to him, opening the lids to take a deep breath of each candle. There’s only four of them but Jinyoung has them all opened and laid out of the coffee table. He slides off from Jaebeom’s lap to the floor and Bambam joins him to sniff at each of the candles.

“What did Jinyoung-hyung give you?” Bambam asks after a while, looking at Jaebeom.

“Whiskey and a ring,” he answers, showing Bambam his hand. The younger laughs and compares his ring to Jaebeom’s. They’re different, Bambam’s being a little more bedazzled while Jaebeom’s is simple, a black band that is engraved but he doesn’t say what it has on the inside. A secret that Jinyoung says to him, so he can’t reveal it. 

“Fuck being in love,” Bambam spits, rolling his eyes. But he’s not too fussed, since he tears open his gifts from Jinyoung and Jaebeom, which is a new pair of shoes and chains for his jeans, as well as a pair of vibrant red sunglasses that Bambam slips on his face immediately.

“Oh, you look  _ fine _ ,” Mark says, grinning when Bambam turns to him, raising his eyebrows suggestively. “Red looks good on you.”

Bambam preens but Jinyoung grows impatient, waving at Mark to open his presents. From Jinyoung is a hair straightener because he’s nothing if not practical and Bambam broke Mark’s from dropping it too many times and from Jaebeom is a bottle of wine that most likely costs more than Mark’s month of rent and a small succulent. Mark likes these kinds of presents, since he likes to gift things that people can use so he throws himself at Jaebeom, in a tight hug.

“Is Yugyeom coming tonight?” he asks into Jaebeom’s shoulder, who holds him close and hooks his chin over his shoulder but Bambam hears him nonetheless.

“He’ll be here tomorrow,” is the answer, plain and simple. “He has things to give us too, so it’ll be good. Don’t wake me up when you facetime with your family.”

“Don’t be mean,” Jinyoung berates as Mark pulls away from Jaebeom finally, flicking Bambam in the back of the head. The younger whines at him, rubbing his head. He’s still wearing his glasses and Mark doubts he’ll take it off for the rest of the night

“Yeah,” Mark adds, rubbing Bambam’s hair to mess it up. “And I’m sleeping with you tonight, assuming that Jaebeom stays over.” Jaebeom smiles, confirming the plan and Mark smiles at them all, happy for the little family he’s managed to acquire over the years, even if it’s small.

“Merry Christmas, guys,” he says quietly and Jaebeom kisses his head, humming.

“Merry Christmas, hyung,” Jinyoung answers, the only one to because he’s watching Bambam light one of his candles with wide eyes, ready to swipe at him if he does anything else. 

“Put it out?” Bambam asks when he’s done, looking at Jinyoung but the elder shakes his head, pulling Bambam in by his neck to hold him. Bambam screams and complains because why wouldn’t he? But Mark can’t help but smile at the two of them, even when Bambam’s squeals sound like he’s in pain.

“Let go!” Bambam shouts but Jinyoung laughs, loud and unhidden as Jaebeom chuckles, neither him nor Mark moving to help their youngest. Christmas is a time of giving and it’s Jinyoung’s gift to Bambam. Who are they to intrude?

  
  


***

Youngjae is scared he’s too early but judging from what he can hear just from being in the hallway, he has nothing to worry about. Should he knock? Will anyone hear him?

He doesn’t have to knock in the end because someone opens the door to him with a grin, his eyes shining behind his glasses. Actually, they’re  _ sunglasses, _ red and obnoxiously bright and Youngjae subconsciously pushes his own glasses up and smiles awkwardly.

“Oh, you’re Mark-hyung’s boy?” the man asks and Youngjae doesn’t recognise him at all but assumes he must be Bambam, what with the short white hair pulled over his forehead.

“You’re Bambam?” he asks in lieu of an answer because acknowledging being  _ Mark’s boy _ isn’t something he wants to do right now.

The man nods and smiles, inviting him inside with a sweep of his hand. “At your service, hyung.”

“Forgot I was older than you,” Youngjae laughs and realises that he’s holding a rabbit plushie right now and he looks down at it, a flush on his cheeks. It’s for Mark, a small thing in return for him winning Youngjae an otter plushie for him. 

He expects Bambam to laugh at it but the younger grins, clicking his fingers. “He’ll love it. I’ll get him for you, he’s outside.”

Sure enough, Bambam is right. There’s two others outside with Mark, close together and huddled while two other guys are on the couch, one blonde and very tall. Youngjae stands awkwardly in the opening of the apartment but the blonde boy calls out to him, introducing himself as Yugyeom and his friend is Jackson. So Bambam’s boyfriend and their close friend.

“Cute!” Jackson says when Youngjae sits down with the plushie in his lap. “I think Mark-hyung looks like a rabbit too. Bam’s a total snake.”

“But he doesn’t look like one,” Yugyeom frowns, glancing at the plushie. No one has said anything weird about it and that makes Youngjae calm down a little bit. “But… Bam- Oh, I get it.”

Jackson taps his temple and grins, squeezing Yugyeom’s knee as they laugh at each other. The balcony door closes with a sudden  _ snap _ and Mark smiles at Youngjae, sitting down next to him. Youngjae hands him the plushie with nothing to say, frankly because Mark looks really pretty with his hair off his face and his makeup pretty, glittering underneath his eyes.

“Oh, wait here,” he says quickly, standing up and holding the rabbit to his chest. He’s gone for maybe ten seconds before he’s back and handing Youngjae a small box. “It’s not much but I like to buy things that people will wear or use a lot. Thank you for this too, I love these kinds of things.” He holds up the rabbit, squeezing it and smiling at the softness and Youngjae might just fall in love with him all over again.

Because that’s also why he came tonight, to confess all over again.

It’s been a long few weeks with time to himself, even being back with his family for Christmas. He hasn’t stopped thinking about Mark in what feels like years because he can’t get the other out of his heart. Something about Yien got to him but it was Mark that stayed and Youngjae replayed their not dates like an old mixtape in his shitty car stereo, immersed in the feeling that Mark gives him, is still giving him now even when the other is playing with an oversized rabbit plushie that makes him look so cute.

“I got you a fucking rabbit,” he says dumbly but Mark shakes his head, meeting his eyes again.

“I love it all the same, because it came from you.”

Youngjae swallows, huffing a laugh. It’s usually not that easy to embarrass him but Mark seems to have it on lockdown. He urges Youngjae to open his present, reassuring him that it wasn’t that expensive and that he doesn’t want to hear any complaints but the world stops when he opens the box, a silver bracelet inside.

“I don’t want it to be weird,” Mark says quietly, his eyes on the bracelet,  _ nervous _ . “I got Bambam a ring so it’s not like I bought it because I want something in return and a ring seemed too much-”

“Hyung, this is…” Youngjae blinks, blowing out a breath. “I like it, I really do but…” He holds the box next to the rabbit and Mark laughs, his smile sweet and his laugh even better. “Doesn’t this seem incomparable?”

“It is,” Mark agrees but his smile isn’t sad. “Because one is from you and one is from me. So they’re different and priceless.”

“Hyung-”

“I said no complaints.”

Youngjae sighs and takes out the bracelet, silently asking Mark to put it on him. It’s a simple silver bracelet with small black gems dotting it, a small cross dangling down. There’s no engraving but it’s from Mark so Youngjae finds comfort in the way that the bracelet sits against his skin, especially in the way Mark holds his hand afterwards, his skin soft against Youngjae’s.

“Thank you, hyung,” he whispers and Mark reaches up, tucking his blue hair behind his ear. Mark’s hair has become a little dull, a ruddy brown if anything but it looks beautiful because it’s  _ Mark _ .

“Thank you and merry Christmas, otter,” Mark answers, scrunching up his face and Youngjae does it back, mocking but it’s comfortable between them and Youngjae settles into the night, happy with everyone around them. It’s a little cozy.

“Hold on,” Youngjae blurts out when he realises who exactly is standing on the balcony. He peers around, closer to Mark to really check and- “You’re friends with JB?”

Mark blinks at him and glances at Jaebeom, shrugging awkwardly. “Uh, yeah? That’s Jaebeom.”

Youngjae stares at him. “How did that never come up?”

Mark frowns. “I didn’t really think it was relevant?”

“It’s his record company that I want to intern at,” Youngjae hisses and Mark’s eyes widen.

“Oh, that’s relevant,” he whispers, looking down at his plushie for comfort. “But… now you get put in a good word, I guess? And it’s not like you’re not talented. I mean, he’d be an idiot to not hire you-”

“Stop  _ talking _ ,” Youngjae hisses again, holding his hand over Mark’s mouth but Yugyeom has already heard them, leaning close to them with a bright smile.

“I’m an intern for Jaebeom-hyung,” he says and that’s the conversation, over for Mark. Yugyeom starts talking about his internship and how he got to be where he is while Youngjae listens and even shows him some demos of his music on his phone. Mark disappears throughout the conversation, back to the balcony and Jackson steals Youngjae’s phone to listen to, praising him when the song finishes.

“He’d love to have you,” Yugyeom says, handing him back his phone with a bright smile. “He seems like he’d be really scary, right?”

“I just respect his music a lot,” Youngjae grins, his fingers drumming on his phone. “I think he’s really talented, especially the work that comes out from the company. I just love the artistry and I think it’d be really good for me. But yeah, he looks like he could cut my balls off.”

Yugyeom snorts and waves his hand, shoving Youngjae a little. “He’s a total softie. It’s actually gross. He babies me so much.”

“It’s not like you don’t want him too,” Jackson huffs, kicking his leg. “But seriously, he’d be happy to take you on. If you get it set up, I’m sure you could start after graduation and you’d be ahead in the game with your degree and your skills in piano, too.”

Youngjae flushes and nods at the praise, happy to receive it. Jaebeom seems to have been informed, judging from how he steps inside and smiles cheekily at Youngjae, even winking in his direction. “We’ll talk later,” he says when he passes by, patting Youngjae on the shoulder.

Mark watches him from outside before turning to who Youngjae assumes is Jinyoung, the only person left that he hasn’t met yet but there’s no rush. They have all night to talk and Youngjae is glad that everyone has accepted him. He was worried this night would be more of a mess since he doesn’t know anyone besides Mark but Bambam slumps down in between Yugyeom and Youngjae and puts his feet in Youngjae’s lap, smiling at him.

“Do you like vodka? I like vodka,” and that’s all he says, reaching over the couch and Jaebeom hands him a glass of something that Youngjae takes from him. It doesn’t smell bad or like vodka which is a good sign but it tastes like cherries so he frowns at Bambam.

“Oh,  _ sorry _ ,” the younger drawls, rolling his eyes. “Are you the type to like the hard shit?”

“I have whiskey,” comes Jaebeom’s voice and Youngjae startles at him, still not quite used to having a famous record producer so close to him. A famous record producer that no one else seems to acknowledge for being a famous record producer. Seriously, does no one else see Im Jaebeom standing right- “Do you want whiskey?”

“Mark-hyung said he liked it,” Youngjae blurts and Jaebeom hands him a glass, prompting for him to drink it and it’s  _ good _ , just as Mark said all those weeks ago. It doesn’t take long for Youngjae’s ears to turn red from the alcohol and Bambam moves from his lap to head outside, Jinyoung replacing him on the couch.

“That shit hurts on the first breath,” he says, pointing to Youngjae’s whiskey. “It makes your gut warm. Shit’s fire in a bottle.”

“And now you’ve met Jinyoung,” Jaebeom drawls, taking Youngjae’s vodka cup. “He swears when he’s drunk. It’s funny for a second until he gets personal with his insults.”

“Bambam called my ass fat,” Jinyoung grunts, crossing his arms. “He gets the worst of me.”

Jaebeom hums and leaves a kiss on Jinyoung’s temple, barely phasing the other man. “But not me.”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “Don’t push it.” Youngjae grins at the two of them and cradles his whiskey close, watching the room for a while. His bracelet glitters in the light and he smiles at it, rolling it around on his skin. It’s pretty and it fits his style completely. Mark got him right and it’s making him giddy to have it on his wrist.

After a while, Mark comes back in and Youngjae smiles at him, reaching out to hold his hand in simple companionship. It’s nice, the way they all fit together and the night keeps going, Bambam coming up with unique dares for truth or dare but none of them really want to move from the couch so it doesn’t get that far, even though Jaebeom agrees to a bodyshot.

“Come with me,” Mark suddenly says when Bambam has finally shut up, too busy laughing at Jackson wearing his sunglasses. Youngjae feels his arm being tugged and follows him outside, smiling at Jinyoung and Jaebeom who watch them leave for the balcony.

“Thank you for coming,” Mark says in a rush and Youngjae just smiles at him, feeling warmth in his chest. He sets his whiskey down on a bar stool that isn’t being used and leaves it there.

He was nervous to come, honestly, but Mark’s friends are nice enough to him and have been as welcoming as anyone could have hoped. He’s already spoken to Jinyoung on the phone and he’s not too different in real life, smart and a little intimidating but he’s sweet. 

Bambam and Yugyeom are exactly how Mark described them: fun and a little annoying but they’re good people. Jackson is the same, full of life and character and Jaebeom made Youngjae almost fall on his ass in shock of who he is. That’s a CEO so what the fuck? But he calmed down when he started talking to him, inviting him for a drink.

“It’s okay,” he says now, squeezing his hand around his whiskey. “Thank you for inviting me.”

Mark smiles and ah, it’s dazzling, the way his eyes scrunch up and a little giggle escapes his lips. He’s adorable in a way Yien never was, even when they were flirting and Youngjae likes it more. He’s not timid but he’s a little more lenient, smart and attractive. Youngjae has noticed his similarities with Yien but also his differences.

Mark is more open, honest and Youngjae values that more than anything. He’s kind to the ones he cares for, especially in the way he babies everyone younger than him, what with being the eldest and all. He’s welcoming and beautiful and there’s just something else that makes Youngjae want to make him laugh and smile. If Mark keeps smiling because of Youngjae then he could die happy.

Bambam slams on the glass door, startling both of them and tips his beer against it on accident, laughing at what he just did. “Wear protection!” he says and Mark hits the glass back, telling him to fuck off.

“Sorry, he just-” Mark waves his hand around, ducking his head as he laughs. “He’s an idiot.”

“You really get flustered easily,” Youngjae comments which makes Mark huff, his ears pink. “It’s cute.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Mark mumbles, leaning against the railing of his balcony. He looks out across the city, his eyes shining a little and he shivers, sighing. Youngjae drapes his jacket over his shoulders and Mark startles, smiling at him with enough warmth to light his soul on fire. “Such a gentleman.”

Youngjae leans next to him and shoots him a grin. “You deserve it.”

Mark makes an awkward noise, looking away. “Don’t play with me. You know how I feel.”

Youngjae glances at his hand before he takes it, squeezing. Mark’s eyes fall to their hands and he twists his fingers, lacing theirs together and he leans his head on Youngjae’s shoulder, keeping him close. “I know how you feel,” he says quietly, almost in a whisper. “I’m not using it against you.”

“You’re too good for me.”

“Then why do you like me?”

“I feel like I’m in elementary school,” Mark huffs, rolling his eyes. It’ll be midnight soon and Youngjae squeezes his hand, getting him to look at him. 

“I really like you, hyung,” Youngjae confesses suddenly and Mark lifts his head to look at him. “I know it took a while but-”

“No, please, don’t apologise-”

“Let me finish,” Youngjae laughs, leaning their foreheads together. Mark blinks but manages a smile, his eyes wide. Youngjae has butterflies in his stomach but he’s not scared to say his confession, not after he’s spent his own time away. “Thank you for giving me time. It let me realise how much I actually like you. I’m sorry I made you wait.”

“I didn’t wait long,” Mark says quickly, closing his eyes. “I would have given you any amount of time, I promise you that.”

“Don’t promise me anything,” Youngjae smiles, running his thumb over Mark’s cheekbone, effectively making him look up at him. It’s so wonderful to finally hold him like he wants to, like he’s wanted to for so long. “You’re good for me.”

Mark blinks, his eyes searching. “Am I?”

Bambam starts to yell, obviously drunk and Youngjae realises he’s starting the countdown to midnight. “One minute!” he screams and Jackson starts clapping. Youngjae stands up straight, taking Mark with him and he holds both his hands, keeping him close.

“Will you let me kiss you?” Youngjae asks and Mark laughs, nodding frantically. He squeezes Youngjae’s hands and grins at him. Youngjae lets go just to wrap his hands around Mark’s waist and finally holds him. Mark is warm and in his jacket, Youngjae thinks he looks ethereal, even more so than usual. He tangles his fingers in Youngjae’s hair, soothing and Youngjae sighs dreamily. It’s so exhilarating to just hold him, to touch him and keep him close because this is what Youngjae has always wanted, he’s realising, no matter what Mark wears or the name he uses. Their atmosphere is electrifying.

Bambam counts down from ten, slamming on the window but he’s not looking at them. He’s watching the television and checking his own phone clock, waving his hand around as Yugyeom screams out numbers with him. Jinyoung has his eyes closed, his brows furrowed but Jaebeom is whispering in his ear and a smile breaks his lips. Jackson is holding Yugyeom’s hand.

“It’s okay?” Youngjae asks when Bambam yells  _ four! _

_ Three _ . “Please,” Mark answers, his eyes hooded, staring at his lips.

_ Two. _

_ One! _

Youngjae closes the gap between them, pulling Mark against him completely. It’s chaste, sweet, even when Youngjae tilts his head because Mark cups his face and it’s beautiful between them, comfortable. Youngjae has thought about kissing Mark before but nothing compares to the real thing. He wouldn’t say it’s everything he’s ever dreamed of - it’s a kiss for fuck’s sake - but it’s  _ Mark _ and Youngjae wants this for the rest of his days, if he’s allowed.

Inside is deathly silent and Mark pulls away just to kick the glass door, startling Bambam into a hyena laugh. His face screws up and Mark tells him to fuck off, resting his head against Youngjae’s shoulder. He squeezes his fist in Youngjae’s shirt and laughs, shaking his head.

“Sorry, he’s… Fucking hell,” But Youngjae squeezes his hip and buries his nose in his hair. 

“I don’t care,” Youngjae returns so Mark looks up at him and kisses him again, smiling against his lips. Youngjae kisses back just as fierce, licking into his mouth when Mark sighs, startling him. Mark makes a noise but relaxes into it completely, tugging on his hair softly, a reminder that this is real, that this is finally happening.

“As much as I would like to continue,” Mark whispers against his lips, smiling when Youngjae keeps kissing him, against his lips, cheek, jaw. He doesn’t want to stop - why should he stop now that he finally has it? “Not here. Because Bambam will not let it go.”

“Does it matter?”

“Don’t do this to me,” Mark laughs but doesn’t pull away, his eyes glittering and not just from his makeup. He shines in Youngjae’s eyes, he always has and Youngjae can’t help but kiss him again, his hand curling over Mark’s jaw. He sighs and Mark does too, his eyelashes fluttering prettily as he opens his eyes, a dreamy expression clear on his face.

“So…” Youngjae searches his eyes, his lips parting again but he doesn’t know what to say. He’s speechless, just from a kiss.

“So?” Mark’s answer is just as quiet and he leans into Youngjae’s hand, his eyes slipping shut again.

“Do you want to try this?”

Mark opens his eyes again, blinking once before he smiles, his whole face lighting up and he wraps his arms around Youngjae’s neck, smashing their lips together once more. It’s more them smiling and laughing into each other’s mouth but it’s  _ them _ . Youngjae lifts Mark, arms around his waist and Mark holds his face, unable to stop touching him.

“I’m not letting you go,” he says and Youngjae grins, his stomach alight with butterflies. He doesn’t think they’ll ever go away, not when he’s with Mark.

Something clicks in Youngjae’s brain and he pecks Mark, pulling away to whisper, “Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year,” Mark returns, beautiful and easy and Youngjae feels like everything is finally falling into place.

  
  


***

“Your family?”

Youngjae’s question is quiet when Mark wakes up to his alarm the next day. It’s spoken into the pillow and Mark smiles at him, hazy from last night’s fit of alcohol. He runs his fingers through Youngjae’s hair, smoothing it down and the younger sighs, his cheek squished by the pillow.

“I won’t be long,” he says and moves to the couch to give Youngjae more time to sleep. The call doesn’t last that long, because it’s still early in Korea and his parents want him to sleep. Bambam and Yugyeom are on the couch when Mark hangs up, slumped over each other with legs everywhere. He can’t help but smile at Yugyeom, who was apparently the little spoon, drooling over Bambam’s chest, his leg hooked over Bambam’s body.

Bambam shifts, sniffing loudly and shoves his nose into Yugyeom’s honey mop of blonde hair and Mark smiles, opening his bedroom door again and crawling back into bed with Youngjae.

Last night was over soon after midnight. Jackson is in Bambam’s room as far as Mark knows, sandwiched in between Jaebeom and Jinyoung. Yugyeom fell asleep first, Jaebeom following him by falling asleep in the bathroom. Jinyoung had to bridal carry him to Bambam’s bed because Mark had already been tackled by Youngjae and Jackson, just to tickle him and make him scream.

Youngjae and Mark had been the last to go to bed, talking about nothing as they laid in bed. Jinyoung had given up their bed for the two of them to talk but Youngjae fell asleep when Mark started playing with his hair. It was a perfect night, an easy way to start the new year.

Youngjae rolls over when Mark settles back into the bed, his eyes bleary and his eyebrows furrowed. “Hyung?” he mumbles, unsure.

“It’s me.” Mark cuddles up against him, laying his head on his chest, the easiest way to tell him he’s here, that’s he’s not dreaming. “It’s still early, go back to sleep.”

Youngjae hums and presses a tiny kiss to Mark’s head. “I can, now that… you’re here.”

“Go to sleep,” Mark says instead of answering that, his heart beating against his chest like the erratic beat of a hummingbird’s wings. Youngjae wraps his arms around Mark, squeezing him a little too tight but he doesn’t say anything, happy to be held by the other man.

It’s Jinyoung’s pancakes that wake them up again and Mark’s eyes shoot open suddenly, his head still pillowed on Youngjae’s chest who’s snoring loudly. He lifts himself gently, gazing down at Youngjae, picking his mused hair out of his eyes. Youngjae stirs with a broken off snore, scrunching up his nose and Mark isn’t mad at himself. He’s just in love and that’s all that matters.

“Jinyoung’s making pancakes,” Mark mumbles, kissing his cheek softly.

“Huh?” is Youngjae’s answer that comes out in a grunt. He opens his eyes, scowling as his hand fumbles around for his glasses. He smashes them onto his face and blinks at Mark, yawning loudly.

“Good morning to you,” Mark deadpans but Youngjae huffs a laugh in his face, sticking his tongue out at him. “Jinyoung’s making pancakes. My favourite pancakes, you know?”

Youngjae smiles and his hair is all messed up from the pillows, soft and tangled. “I remember.” His bangs are everywhere, in his eyes and over his glasses, so Mark pushes it all back, squishing his cheeks up a little. “Let’s have some.”

Jinyoung greets them with a mutter of hello , flicking his spatula in their direction. His eyes are fixed on the pancakes and Mark takes a few from the side plate, handing them to Youngjae who sits at the benchtop.

“You look nice,” Jinyoung says to Youngjae who smiles at him, big cheeks and all. Mark sits next to him, hooking into his serving. He side eyes Youngjae when the younger places his hand on Mark’s thigh, rubbing circles into his skin.

“Oh, fucking-” Youngjae closes his eyes when he drops his fork, a mouthful of pancakes in his mouth and he scowls, pressing his fist against his forehead. Mark knows that feeling all too well.

Jinyoung clicks his tongue, winking at him. “Don’t I know it? And now you know.”

“I don’t think I can go back to normal pancakes,” Youngjae mutters, laying his head down on the countertop. Mark lays his hand over his that rests on his leg, grinning at him. “I’m going to lose my mind.”

Mark nods, never having related to something more. Jinyoung switches off the gas, finishing the batch and he holds up the plate, handing it to Mark. “I’ll be back. Jaebeom is still asleep and I think Jackson might be dead.”

“Well,” Mark starts, glancing at Yugyeom and Bambam who are still out of it on the couch. Yugyeom’s hair is completely messed up, what with Bambam’s nose in it and his fingers clutching lightly onto the locks. Bambam’s shirt isn’t any better, Yugyeom’s drool smeared all over it and Jinyoung sighs.

“That’s disgusting,” he grimaces and promptly leaves. 

“They’re cute,” Youngjae says, looking over his shoulder at the two of them. “Will they wake up soon?”

“Why? Do you want the whole plate?”

“That’s possible.” He presses a kiss to Mark’s cheek, squeezing his leg and Mark feels like his head is going to explode. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be in love but he has a feeling it’s like this, beautiful and free falling. 

Falling for Youngjae was slow but there’s no need for him to be scared anymore. Mark has him now, has him closer than he ever thought he could have him and Youngjae is the same to him, making patterns in his skin and it’s more than he could ever want.

“I really like you,” he blurts and Youngjae meets his eyes, pretty and bright.

“I like you too,” he answers and tips his knuckles underneath Mark’s chin, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “A lot.”

Mark smiles slowly, dreamy and stupid and Youngjae kisses him again, his own smile pressed against his lips. Mark feels like he’ll fall in love all over again but he wouldn’t mind that in the slightest. 

Falling in love with Youngjae is a daily task and Mark is ready to tick it off at the end of every single day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's still an epilogue so please read that!  
> i'll leave my thoughts at the end of the chapter there :)


	11. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! this is the epilogue so if you missed the final chapter, please go back!

“You’re back at university?” 

Mark jumps into the couch and throws his legs over Youngjae’s lap, unscrewing the cap of his glass bottle. It’s April and Mark knows Youngjae is back in his final year of university but he still asks, smiling at him with the warmth of a sun.

“Yeah, final year,” he says, running his fingers over Mark’s legs. “I have the interview with Jaebeom-hyung next week.” He purses his lips, focusing on his hand. “I’m really fucking scared, actually. I have three, if he calls me back.”

Mark sits up and shifts himself into Youngjae’s lap, his fingers against Youngjae’s cheek to tilt his head towards him. “Jaebeom already loves you,” he whispers, an obvious lift to his voice. “You’ll do fine, I promise. Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I’ll… Can you pick me up after?” He sounds a little desperate, scared, but Mark kisses him, soft and with all the reassurance he needs. “Is this cheating? Jaebeom-hyung already knows who I am…”

“Yugyeom got his internship because Jaebeom can’t say no to babies like him,” Mark laughs, kissing Youngjae’s cheek. “Yugyeom is really talented, though. And so are you. Jaebeom knows how to recognise that type of thing. It’s an internship interview, not an idol trainee audition.”

“Okay, but-”

“You’ll do great,” Mark whispers, searching his eyes. “I promise you, otter. You’ll be  _ fine _ . I’ll see you after it, I promise.”

“Promise?” 

“Have I ever lied to you?”

Youngjae frowns, his smile turning sarcastic as he lifts his eyebrows and Mark sighs, hiding his face in Youngjae’s neck. “I love you, just a little bit,” he laughs, quiet.

“Just a little bit,” Mark echoes, against his skin and Youngjae shivers, grinning down at him.

Life has its ups and downs but for right now, Youngjae is riding the up for as long as he can.

  
  


***

Jaebeom’s gaze is fierce, full of fire and somehow ice too and Youngjae swallows, his eyes slitting around the room for a few moments as the elder scribbles across some papers.

Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe Youngjae isn’t as good as he thought he was. Maybe Mark has been lying to him this whole time and he’s not a singer. He knows he can play the piano, that’s not something he’s insecure about but he doesn’t know if he’s good enough for  _ Jaebeom. _

The CEO sniffs suddenly, drawing Youngjae’s attention back with wide eyes. He looks up at Youngjae, eyes sharp and bright. “Choi Youngjae,” he says flatly. There’s a beat of silence before he smiles. “Think about stage names.”

“F-For me?” Youngjae blanks, confused. “Am… Am I in?”

“Well, I’ll have to refine a few things,” Jaebeom answers and Youngjae deflates. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. “Paperwork and what not and I’ll need to go through another interview with you. There’s other interviews that I have to get through, too-”

“Yeah,” Youngjae sighs, taking a deep breath. He misses Jaebeom’s new smile in his drop in mood, his shoulders dropping. “Then… Thank you for letting me come in-”

“Youngjae, I’m fucking with you.”

Youngjae blinks at him, his jaw dropping open. Jaebeom grins at him, reaching over his desk with a closed fist and Youngjae wastes no time in punching it, making the CEO hiss as he shakes his hand out from the pain.

“I’ll message you,” he says, laughing to himself as he sorts through the documents again. “I really like you, Youngjae. I’ll let you know what’s good, I promise. I will have to interview you again, though.”

Youngjae stands up and shakes his hand, ducking his head to him quickly. “Thank you, JB-hyung, really! Thank you so much, I didn’t-”

“Dude, chill,” Jaebeom snorts, squeezing his hand. “I’ll see you at Jinyoung’s this weekend, right?”

Youngjae blinks again, awkward but grins, his cheeks starting to hurt from smiling. “Y-Yeah, I’ll… I’ll see you this weekend. This is really weird. Is this weird?”

Jaebeom shrugs, drawing his hand back as he settles into his chair. He picks his bangs out of his eyes, shaking his hair back and he tucks it behind his ears, smiling. It’s really long. Youngjae doesn’t need to check the tabloids to know the girls swoon over him. “It’s only weird if you make it weird, kid. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay, hyung.”

“You’re too good,” Jaebeom snorts, pointing to the door. “Get out, I’ll see you this weekend. Yugyeom is in the meeting room so say hey to him.”

Youngjae nods and leaves quickly, rushing down the hallway when he sees Yugyeom, grabbing him by the shoulders and spinning him around. The younger shouts in surprise, clutching papers to his chest and he blinks down at him, raising his eyebrows.

“Hi?” he says in a hushed voice and Youngjae grins at him.

“I’m in!” Youngjae whispers, his eyes wide. “I’m… I got in.”

“You got in?” Yugyeom asks, grabbing his shoulders in return. He blows his bangs out of his eyes quickly, eyes wide. “Like, JB-hyung accepted you? Here? You’re in the company?”

“Yes!”

“Hyung!” Yugyeom cries, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. He spins Youngjae in a whirl and Youngjae grunts into his shoulder, squeezing him in return. “I’m so happy. Oh, I finally have a friend here.”

“Is JB-hyung not your friend?” Youngjae coughs when he’s let down, laughing in his face.

“He is, but you know,” Yugyeom dismisses, waving his hand. “He’s my boss, technically. But now I have you! And I’m your senior!”

Youngjae snorts, grabbing him by the cheek and he carries on like a toddler. He’s cute when he’s not being an idiot but that's the majority of the time so Youngjae can’t wish for much. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

Yugyeom whines, screwing his face up. Youngjae pats his cheeks, fixing his backpack on his shoulders and he smiles, pushing his glasses up. “You at hyung’s on the weekend?”

“Probably,” is the younger’s reply as he dances away from Youngjae’s pinching fingers. “Bambam probably invited me but if he’s not talking about hair dye and cats, sometimes I don’t know what he’s saying.”

“Isn’t that kind of mean?” Youngjae retorts, frowning.

Yugyeom shrugs. “I love him and he knows that. He can make me listen to anything but I don’t really retrain anything. I get distracted.”

“I would relate but Bambam is chaos in human form,” Youngjae laughs, tapping his temple like a know it all. “I’ll see you this weekend, maybe. I’m in!”

“You’re in!” Yugyeom cheers, scrunching up his fists in a cute show. “Bye, hyung!”

Youngjae pretty much dances out of the building and checks his phone to find a text from Mark, saying he’s waiting around the corner. He spots Mark’s car and pulls him into a hug, cradling his head into his shoulder. Mark startles but holds him, running his knuckles up his spine.

“Baby, you’re-” Mark grunts when Youngjae lifts him, spinning him around like Yugyeom did and grins at him. “It went well, I’m assuming?”

“I got in,” Youngjae says, his hands on Mark’s hips. “JB-hyung accepted me. He’s going to let me know and I have to do another interview in a few weeks.”

Mark’s eyes go wide and he cups Youngjae’s face, shaking slightly. “Youngjae, you- You’re in?” He doesn’t even wait for Youngjae’s answer. He kisses him even if it’s just Mark smiling and running his fingers through Youngjae’s too long hair. Youngjae laughs, kissing back just as clumsily and it’s perfect for them.

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispers when he pulls away and Youngjae feels like he could take on the world with him in his arms. Everything’s okay when they’re together and Youngjae leans his forehead against Mark’s, nuzzling their noses together.

“Let’s go see a movie,” he blurts and Mark smiles, his lips soft against Youngjae’s own, soft and delicate. “I want to see something,”

“Okay, we can go anywhere,” Mark answers, sweet and Youngjae is ready to take over anything together.

***

“Wait, so you wear this stuff?” Youngjae asks, frowning at Mark as he takes a few lipsticks and uncaps them, surveying the colours. “Like, for every time you dress for Yien?”

“Not every time,” Mark mumbles, trying to decide. Does he want a bright red to match his skirt? Or maybe a lip gloss would work just as well… Or a baby pink…? “I’m not sure which one I like more.”

They’re in Youngjae’s dorm on a Thursday night, after Mark stopped by to drop off Youngjae’s laptop charger. It was supposed to be a quick thing, a short meet up but Youngjae pointed out a skirt that Mark said belonged to Bambam and it went from there. Jinyoung had the wigs in the backseat because he had been at Jaebeom’s for the past few nights and was in the process of restyling them, to give himself something to do and since Bambi had announced that she was dyeing her hair.

Youngjae glances at the colours too before taking the red and holding it against Mark’s lips like Bambam did all those months ago. He frowns, conflicted, but turns to the dresser to take another colour, a lone black that Mark bought a few months ago. It won’t match but Youngjae puts it back down before he does anything else, holding the red up in agreement.

Mark smiles at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek and Youngjae chuckles. He takes the lipstick from him but pauses, noticing how nice it looks with Youngjae’s darker hair and skin tone. He’s been getting a little more sun since Mark started bringing him out for lunch when they can meet up, finally having time to himself to actually go outside.

“This…” Mark holds it up to Youngjae’s lips and the younger raises his eyebrows at him, not moving. “This would look really nice on you, actually.”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Youngjae retorts, shaking his head but Mark lifts his hand and holds the side of his face, effectively shutting him up. If Youngjae wanted to, he could refuse and that would be that but he presses his lip against his teeth to make it easier for Mark to put it on him, copying his facial expressions.

Youngjae laughs when he’s done and presses his lips together, mindful that he doesn’t fuck up the perfect linework Mark just did. He glances at himself in the mirror and with his dark eyes, Mark is really starting to question why he even did this. It’s his own demise and Youngjae grins at him, beautiful and sly and it makes Mark’s chest tight.

“I think you like it more than I do,” he whispers as he pulls Mark in by his waist, fitting their chests together. “Did you plan this?”

Youngjae is taller and broader and it makes Mark feel safe, Youngjae’s hands firm on his hips and circling around his waist. Mark looks up at him, blowing his wig out of his face, making Youngjae smile at him. “Maybe,” he confesses, completely lying. It’s not often that he gets to act smug around Youngjae so he might as well take it while he can.

Youngjae hums, leaning his forehead against Mark’s, still smiling. He really does like an otter and it makes Mark want to coo at him. “When you kiss me with lipstick on, it’s different,” he whispers, his lips  _ right _ there but too far for Mark to try and catch him. “It’s pretty. Especially when it’s smudged. You look beautiful when you’re flustered.”

“You just like embarrassing me,” Mark manages, his heart speeding up and Youngjae finally kisses him, a smirk on his stained mouth but he’s completely right; it feels completely different. It’s sticky and Mark knows he’s being made a mess but Youngjae’s marks on his skin make him feel powerful. This is no different.

“I wonder what it would be like with the black,” Youngjae whispers as he mouths across Mark’s jaw, pleased with the shudder he receives. “Lay down for me, won’t you?”

They’re damn lucky they’re in Youngjae’s dorm or this would all come to an abrupt end. There’s absolutely no sex in Jinyoung and Mark’s bed because they  _ share _ it so Mark has to be glad that Youngjae lives alone and has a bed to himself, even if it’s small. 

“Youngjae,” Mark whispers when the younger shucks off his jacket, only one side of the lipstick smudged from where it’s all over Mark’s jaw. It’s still bright as hell, pretty on Youngjae’s lips and he smacks his lips again before looking at Mark in question.

“Come kiss me,” Mark demands, leaning back on his elbows but Youngjae smiles at him, up to no good.

“I think you should give me a little time, shouldn’t you?”

Mark swallows and sits up straight, keeping his legs together. He’s proper, he’s behaved and he keeps his head down a little as Youngjae cleans up the smudge on his face, like Mark isn’t right there in his tight skirt and ruffled shirt.

“You can wait for me, right, noona?”

Youngjae’s voice is teasing, open for Mark to protest but he doesn’t, keeping his head down even when Youngjae crouches down and smooths a hand over his knee, nudging it away so he can fit between his legs, on the floor and staring up at Mark. Mark is higher than him, looking down but there’s obvious power in the weight of Youngjae’s stare, power that makes Mark weak for him.

“I’ll fix it,” Youngjae whispers as he shows Mark the lipstick again, reapplying it quickly. He places it on the floor, forgotten and when he sits on the bed next to Mark, it takes one gesture for Mark to end up in his lap, unsure if he can touch or demand what he wants. Youngjae’s hands aren’t on him, instead on the bed to hold him up and it makes Mark whine because he doesn’t look affected at all.

“Youngjae,” Mark tries again, his hands in his lap. “Please, I want to touch you. Can I touch you?” He unzips his skirt at the side so that his thighs aren’t straining the fabric but it does little to grant him any movement. 

Youngjae watches him do so before nodding, no words spoken and Mark fits his hands into Youngjae’s hair, needing something to hold onto. He  _ finally _ puts his hands on Mark but just on his hips and Mark moves to fit their groins together, impatient. He’s stubborn and Youngjae knows it; it takes a lot for Mark to be completely submissive but it takes nothing at all to make him pliant to Youngjae.

Mark waits, his eyes boring into Youngjae’s as the younger pulls his hair back so it’s not in their faces. Mark is surprised the damn wig is still on but he feels pretty and he knows Youngjae likes it. But he’s not touching where he wants him to touch and it’s making Mark go fucking crazy.

“Youngjae,” he whines again and the younger glances at him, shutting him up.

“I’m sorry,” Youngjae whispers harshly, tipping Mark’s face up to force eye contact. “Are you in charge?” Mark furiously shakes his head, trying to mutter and stumble his way around apologies but Youngjae hushes him sharply. “You need to be patient, love. Or I’ll have to make you wait. And you hate waiting, don't you, noona?"

"No, no, I’m sorry,” Mark pants,  _ finally _ being kissed but it’s soft and it makes him greedy. Youngjae is slow with him until it’s not enough, until Youngjae is flipping them over and kissing the life out of Mark. When their tongues meet, Youngjae swallows the moan Mark lets out, confident and smug and it makes Mark ache. 

Youngjae's smiles are always sweet but right now, he's a sadist, feeding off Mark's desperation. He taps Mark’s legs and they fall open for him in no time, no hesitation between them. But Mark’s brain takes a moment to catch up to what Youngjae is doing and he nods when Youngjae asks if he can pull off his skirt. It’s only then that Mark realises with a jolt that Youngjae intends to have his lipstick stained mouth on him.

“Judging by how surprised you are,” Youngjae murmurs into the dip of Mark’s hip, a kiss placed on the bone, “I don’t think you thought this through.”

“I didn’t think you would,” Mark admits, breathless. “Do this. I mean. I-” Youngjae sucks a mark into his hip that makes him squirm before pressing kisses to the insides of his thighs, his hands rough on Mark’s smooth skin.

Youngjae doesn’t say anything more and allows Mark to tangle his fingers in his hair as he pulls down the stockings, smirking when Mark’s cock strains and bounces free. He didn’t wear anything underneath but he wishes he had worn something that would have made Youngjae’s mouth water. Mark shudders when Youngjae fixes his eyes on him and he’s quick to uncap his lipstick (it might as well be Youngjae’s at this point, it’s the most someone’s ever used it) and reapplies to make it last before he smiles, wide and innocent which is everything he’s  _ not _ .

Youngjae wastes no time and Mark knew he had a big mouth but what he’s surprised to notice is that Youngjae does  _ not  _ have a gag reflex. Mark chokes when Youngjae doesn’t, letting a moan rip through his throat as Youngjae hums around his length, pleased as he tongues the underside of Mark’s cock. He pulls up to suckle at the head, looking up at Mark with bright eyes, his red lipstick smeared across his lips and Mark’s dick and the sight makes him groan.

“Fuck,” Mark breathes, arching his back as Youngjae grips his length. “ _ Fuck _ , Youngjae, you’re going- going to  _ ruin _ me.”

Youngjae pulls off to flash a smile, pressing a kiss to the head, his cheeks dusted with red. He’s the one that’s been ruined but Mark is the one suffering. “As if you don’t like it,” he replies, his voice deeper than usual and it makes Mark twitch against his lips. Youngjae squeezes the base before going down again, swallowing around him and beginning to bob his head. Mark’s hands are in his hair, coaxing him but Youngjae is completely in charge. 

Mark is Youngjae’s only.

“Come on,” Youngjae says, the head of Mark’s dick against his stained lips. “Don’t you want to be ruined?”

Mark drops his head back, his throat stretching as he does. Youngjae looks gorgeous where he is, which isn’t somewhere he usually ends up but Mark quite likes him there, between his legs. Youngjae smoothes his hands up Mark’s legs that are still stocking clad before pulling him down the bed to put his legs over his shoulders, his thighs backeting Youngjae’s head.

“Oh,” Mark whines when Youngjae’s tongue traces up his vein. “Otter, please, I’m-”

Youngjae hums and it makes Mark shiver. His hand tightens around the base and Youngjae pulls off to stroke him, leaving light kisses where he can. His lipstick is smudged, across his lips and some on his cheeks. He’s the one that looks ruined but it’s affecting Mark more than him and when Youngjae smiles and swallows around him again, pulling off quickly, Mark lets go.

Youngjae helps him through, his cum splattering up onto his shirt and Mark collapses on the bed as Youngjae crawls back up to him, cupping his face sweetly.

“You haven’t-” Mark tries but Youngjae kisses him despite the bitter taste and the smeared lipstick. Youngjae doesn’t seem to mind and he’s doing well to keep himself away from the mess on Mark’s shirt.

“It’s okay, love,” he whispers back against his lips and Mark hums, tangling his hands in Youngjae’s hair but it doesn’t take long before Mark is flipping them over. Youngjae lets him, content to lay on the bed while Mark finally takes off his shirt, leaving it stained on the floor to be thought about later. His wig comes off with it and he pulls his hair over his forehead, messing it up to get some of the kinks out.

Youngjae watches him with sharp eyes, smoothing his hands up Mark’s thighs again. His fingers dance along Mark’s ribs, light and smooth and he brushes his hand up Mark’s body, over his nipple and he shivers when Youngjae sits up completely, pulling them chest to chest.

“Off,” Mark whispers against his lips, tugging at his shirt. Youngjae smiles and does what he’s told. 

It’s Youngjae that leaves his claims all over Mark. Usually on his thighs and hips but it’s quite often that Mark is the one returning home with a few new pieces on his neck and collarbones. But right now, Youngjae tilts his head to the side and lets Mark have his way.

He likes leaving them underneath Youngjae’s jaw, right where it’s difficult to hide. Mark is lucky they’re the same shade in foundation right now or Youngjae would have to go to class with a pretty pattern of purple on his neck. But they both like it more than they’re willing to admit, namely Youngjae who tightens his hold around Mark and pants when he feels the soft bite into the junction of where his shoulder meets his neck.

“I like this,” Mark whispers, right into Youngjae’s ear as he squeezes his boyfriend’s arms. “Don’t lose this.”

“Definition?” Youngjae laughs breathlessly, angling his head back to Mark to meet his eyes. “I know you like it. You’re not subtle.”

Mark doesn’t have it in him to be embarrassed but at the same time, being teased isn’t in his criteria for right now. Youngjae gasps when Mark lowers himself against him, the friction of his jeans not helping in the slightest so Mark is quick to open them and release his cock, grinning at him.

Youngjae always looks pretty but even more so now, his cheeks flushed from the heat of the room, his jaw and neck blooming with new colour from Mark’s bites. The lipstick hasn’t disappeared, smeared up his cheek and Mark no doubt has some on his face. He presses his lips together and the residual stickiness has to be from the colour but he doesn’t mind it. It’s not often that he can get Youngjae like this, with him in his lap. Usually, this ends very differently for the two of them.

“I’m waiting,” Youngjae grins and Mark rolls his eyes but endulges him, gripping his length and smiling when Youngjae’s face drops into a gasp. He drops his head against Mark’s shoulder, his eyes closed and Mark tangles his other hand in his hair, secure and grounding.

“You’re so good to me, aren’t you?” Mark whispers into his ear, and Youngjae nods, happy to be taken care of right now. “So good for me. Always taking care of me, yeah? But you need some attention sometimes, don’t you?”

Youngjae doesn’t reply but he lets out a shaky breath, his grip on Mark’s thighs tightening as his strokes increase. A certain twist of his wrist makes Youngjae stutter out a moan and Mark wonders if he’d ever be able to record this. The songs back home are always sexual and Mark would pay money to have Youngjae’s voice in all its glory on repeat.

“I wish you would know how you sound,” Mark says nonchalantly but his comment makes Youngjae choke, shaking his head. “Oh, but you sound so lovely. Moaning so pretty for me, aren’t you?”

“I- Mark.” Youngjae swallows and finally looks at him, his eyes narrowed. “Go faster or this is going to be your show in a minute.”

“Yes, sir,” Mark grins, doing what he’s told and Youngjae hisses at a harsh stroke but it’s not long before Mark’s hand ends up sticky and Youngjae’s fingers have left a different kind of bruise on his thighs. 

Youngjae lets Mark clean his hand with his shirt before taking his face and kissing him innocently even though Mark is still wearing a skirt and Youngjae’s dick is still out. It’s funny, so Mark laughs and Youngjae does too, suddenly shy. But it’s nothing they don’t fix, Mark standing up to get into a pair of Youngjae’s shorts that won’t fit him so he’ll have to tighten the draw string but it’s a nice gesture.

An even nicer gesture is Youngjae collecting himself and opening his arms for Mark to come back to. It wasn’t hard to learn that Mark likes to be held, especially after sex and he tucks himself underneath Youngjae’s chin, warm and content. 

Youngjae’s fingers draw mindless patterns in his back, his hands ever present on his arms, waist, anywhere and Mark starts to drift off when a hand threads into his hair and massages his scalp, calming and comfortable. Youngjae’s heartbeat is rhythmic in his ears, his skin warm underneath Mark’s hands where he holds him.

“Go to sleep,” Youngjae whispers into the air, tightening his grasp on him and Mark cuddles into him a little more, close and secure. The bed is small but it feels like home if Youngjae’s in it so Mark doesn’t mind so much.

Any place is home with Youngjae, as Mark is quickly starting to learn.

  
  


***

“Will you come to my graduation?”

Jinyoung chokes on his mug full of coffee and Mark beams like a kid in a candy store at Youngjae’s question. He thought about it before but he wasn’t sure if that was allowed, if it was only family members allowed.

“Sorry,” Jinyoung wheezes, smacking himself in the chest. “I just- Oh, God. I haven’t thought about school in so long.”

“Did you not go to college?” Youngjae asks, leaning on his arms and Jinyoung clears his throat quickly.

“I did, but I graduated when I was twenty-one.” He takes a breath, puffing out his cheeks cutely. “Been a few years since then. Way to make me feel old, kid.”

Youngjae rolls his eyes, glancing at Mark when he wraps his arms around his shoulders. “You and JB-hyung both call me kid, it makes me feel like a toddler.”

“Well, when you’re my age-” Jinyoung starts but Youngjae scoffs at him, stopping just short of flipping him off. Jinyoung doesn’t stick around for much longer, retreating to their bedroom. He’s been taking on a few extra shifts because he’s been taking in more money to prepare himself to move out, so it’s not uncommon for him to nap when he has the time.

It’s been a topic that has moved through their apartment for a few days now. Jinyoung and Jaebeom have been serious since the start of their relationship so moving in together seemed natural to everyone. Jinyoung hasn’t had his own place since he moved in with Mark and Bambam and he basically lives at Jaebeom’s nowadays anyway.

With Jinyoung gone in due time, it will leave Mark and Bambam with a three bedroom apartment that they shouldn’t be paying that much for, if there’s no third person to live there. 

So, the topic was brought up by Bambam again. Yugyeom lives with his family and is too scared to live by himself. With him and Bambam together, it makes sense and Bambam has been trying to muster up the courage to ask Yugyeom to move. A few weeks later, he spat it out to Yugyeom and needless to say, Yugyeom agreed.

So that leaves Mark by himself. They all won’t move out for a little while, since Bambam and Yugyeom need to find a whole new apartment before they do anything, but it’s still important to think things through. 

“I’m heading out,” Jinyoung says when the sun goes down, when Mark is on the couch trying to follow Youngjae’s character in a video game that he doesn’t understand. “I don’t think I’ll be home tonight. See you tomorrow.”

Mark waves at him. “Wear protection.”

“Speak for yourself,” Jinyoung retorts, rolling his eyes. He locks the door behind himself.

“Is Bambam not home?” Youngjae asks, fiddling with a new weapon on screen. 

“No, he’s been at Yugyeom’s for the past three days.” Mark shakes his head, a smile on his lips. “Apparently, his parents have been out of town and Yugyeom has his license so he’s been taking Bambam to work. Real domestic type shit.”

Youngjae grins, shrugging a shoulder. “They’re cute. When they’re not bitching at everyone.”

Mark hums and cuddles himself into Youngjae’s chest. It’s another few hours before they move again, when Youngjae offers to order something. Mark gets up to grab the food and he comes back up to Youngjae having set the coffee table with chopsticks and empty glasses to fill with whatever soda Mark forgot about ordering.

Seeing Youngjae there, his hands still on the controller as he scans the television for enemies, everything for a night in, set in front of him. It makes Mark pause because everything is in place. It feels like they’ve been doing this for months, eating take out in an apartment together while they play video games. It feels like the jigsaw puzzle of Mark’s life is finally complete and he sits down next to Youngjae with the bag of takeout, unable to look away from him.

What would he have done if Youngjae had left him? He’d never have gotten this -  _ this _ , together with Youngjae in perfect domesticity. He sort of feels like breaking but Youngjae pauses his game and looks at him, his eyes wide with concern.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he whispers, his finger suddenly against Mark’s cheek. “You look upset. Did I not order barbecue sauce?”

Mark laughs, ducking his head down. “No, it’s not that. You got barbecue sauce, don’t worry.” He meets Youngjae’s eyes and it’s not scary to ask because he knows that no matter what, there’s no wedge between them.

“Move in with me.”

“I’m broke,” Youngjae answers, blank. He scrunches his face up, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling for a moment before he sighs. “What… I mean to say is that I don’t… I’d love to move in with you, don’t get me wrong-”

“Then move in with me!” Mark laughs but Youngjae waves his hands, effectively shutting him up.

“I love you,” he starts and Mark nods. “But… I sort of can’t afford to live with you. I don’t want to live off you, either. JB-hyung’s internship is paid so maybe when I start and get some money-”

“I’m not saying  _ now, _ ” Mark blurts, dismissing Youngjae with equal wide eyes. “No, I have to move out of here first. So does Bambam so it won’t be for a while but I… I wanted to ask.”

Youngjae doesn’t respond for a beat before he’s chuckling, pressing his smile into Mark’s cheek. “Then I will. I… Give me some time and I’ll meet you halfway, I promise.”

Mark cups his face, just to touch him and hold him. He kisses him, chaste and sweet. “We can look together, because you graduate this year too.” Youngjae smiles against his lips, kissing him again. It doesn’t turn dirty and Mark is glad for it because at this moment, it’s simple and easy between them. It’s always easy between them now, open and it’s sort of ridiculous how much Mark longs for him when they’re not together.

He didn’t think he could fall for someone as hard as he fell for Youngjae but everything just  _ works _ with Youngjae. Maybe it’s too soon to speak for sure but it hits Mark in times like this, where everything is so domestically perfect between them.

“I love you,” he whispers, his eyes watery. “Do you know that?”

Youngjae kisses his cheek, once, twice. “I know that. I love you too but I’m really hungry.” He grins when Mark snorts, hiding his face in Youngjae’s neck. He pulls out the food when his face has returned to its normal colour, handing the boxes to Youngjae as he takes the lids off the plastic containers.

Youngjae sorts through his food and Mark picks through his own, placing vegetables and pieces of chicken into Youngjae’s container. The younger does the same for him, handing him pork and roasted carrots.

“What are you even playing?” he asks, pointing his chopsticks at the screen with the pause menu up. 

“Assassin’s Creed.” Youngjae licks his lips, swallows and waves his chopsticks around. “It’s hard because it’s about stealth. I don’t always get the missions right because I fuck them up.”

“You seem to be doing well, though.” Mark has no fucking clue what Youngjae is supposed to be doing because he didn’t really listen to what the character was saying about the mission when Youngjae got assigned it but nevermind that.

“You think I do well in anything,” Youngjae chuckles and Mark shrugs, playing innocent. He would probably lie to a room full of people if it meant Youngjae would spend the night with him. 

“It’s because you  _ do _ .”

Youngjae stares at him, chewing slowly and he raises his eyebrows, his swallow the only noise in the entire room. “You’re stupid,” he says and Mark can agree with that.

“Stupid for you.”

“Eat your food.”

“I love you.”

Youngjae snorts, glancing back down at his container. “Love you too, hyung.”

  
  


***

Mark applies for an apartment in July and gets it approved in August. They move in soon after and Youngjae pays back half the bond when he receives the next few payments from his internship.

Youngjae starts his internship in the fall of his final year, after completing his first semester. He’ll graduate in February of the following year.

He doesn’t apply for his dorm for his final semester.

“What exactly is your internship?” Mark asks when Youngjae comes home to their shared apartment, dropping his keys on the bench top. He leans over and kisses Mark in greeting, smiling at him.

“I get experience,” he answers, rolling his fingers on the top of the counter. “They teach me how to use equipment and set things up. How to arrange music electronically which I’m sort of familiar with and how to utilise different equipment.”

It’s good with Jaebeom’s company. He and Yugyeom have gotten coffees for everyone more than needs to be acknowledged but he enjoys it. Jaebeom keeps texting him in the middle of recording and making his phone vibrate off the table but he can’t even be angry because all Jaebeom ever texts him is stupid memes that make no fucking sense. He texted him once and asked for almond milk and nothing else so Youngjae got it during his lunch break only to find Jaebeom in his office with spilt coffee.

“Jinyoung sent me a photo?” he had said, trying for an excuse.

“We both know Jinyoung-hyung would never send an ass pic, boyfriend or no,” Youngjae had answered, putting the carton on his desk.

Mark watches him now with curious eyes and smiles, soft and inviting and Youngjae sighs, dropping his shoulders. “It’s going well?” he asks quietly and Youngjae nods slowly.

“Yeah, it’s… I like it but it’s a lot to take in,” he admits, sitting down next to him. Their apartment is a little small but it works for them and the rent is easy. They’re not breaking their backs to live and Youngjae leans his head on Mark’s when the elder pillows his head on his shoulder.

“You’re doing well,” Mark whispers, lacing their fingers together and squeezes. “I love you and you’re doing well.”

“I love you too,” he answers, pressing a kiss to his hair.

“Are you hungry?”

Youngjae purses his lips and Mark lifts his head to look at him, smiling at him. “Yeah, I could go for something.”

Mark pulls out his phone and that’s their night. They should cook soon so they don’t keep ordering in but for now, it’s good for them. Night ins are good for them. It lets them recharge in the simple act of just being together, like sunflowers turning towards their sun. It doesn’t take long for Youngjae to kiss Mark before they lie down to watch a movie, sweet and lovely. 

But they don’t even get to the movie because Youngjae noses at Mark’s jaw and that seems to be the moment that the atmosphere completely changes.

“Okay,” Youngjae whispers in a rush as Mark straddles his thigh suddenly, threading their fingers together. He smiles down at him and Youngjae grins back, nuzzling his nose against Mark’s. This was supposed to be innocent but- “Okay, okay. How do you want this?”

“Don’t call me noona now,” Mark replies with a smirk, moving to kiss Youngjae’s jaw. “And I just want you. I want your hands.” He starts light on his neck but Youngjae feels his teeth scraping against his skin and it makes him shiver, tilting his head to give Mark better access. He had never thought he’d like the sight of hickeys but being with Mark made him think otherwise very quickly, especially when he gets to see his work on Mark’s pale skin, blooming like a beautiful watercolour.

“My hands?” Youngjae asks, distracting himself as he teases his hands, light up Mark’s thighs, over his hips and his ass, running them up his back to hold him close. Mark hums in his ear, pleased as he continues his kissing, occupied with his ministrations. “What else do you want from me, love?”

Mark hums at the nickname and Youngjae knows he’s got him. “Your voice,” he whispers as Youngjae’s hands return to his hips and he seats himself down on Youngjae’s thigh, beginning to move against him. “I just want you,” he says again and Youngjae finally turns his face to kiss him, swallowing the moan he lets out when Youngjae squeezes his ass.

“You’re really different to her, aren’t you?” Mark nods, unable to respond as he moves, getting the friction he desperately wants from Youngjae’s leg as Youngjae whispers in his ear, watching him move with half lidded eyes. “From Yien. You’re so cute. You just want to be played with, don’t you? Does anyone else get to see this, love?”

“Just you,” Mark breathes, dropping his head on Youngjae’s shoulder as he tries to breathe. “It’s just you, only you. I don’t want anyone else.”

“Of course you don’t.” Youngjae’s voice is quiet but steady as Mark chases down what he wants and mewls to himself when he gets it. “You’ve always liked my voice, since I sent you that song back then. Did you think about me back then, like this?”

“Yeah,” Mark pants and Youngjae pulls on his shorts slowly to release his cock, watching it bounce out to lay heavily on his thigh. He grins in Mark’s ear as the man shifts for a better arrangement. “I always think of you. Your voice, it-  _ Fuck _ .”

Mark lets out a moan when Youngjae’s hand circles his dick, stroking it slowly as he meets his eyes. Youngjae smiles at him, kissing his jaw quickly before leaning their foreheads together, Mark’s fists bunching up the fabric of his shirt. His face screws up as he whines and Youngjae thinks it might be the sweetest thing he’s ever seen Mark do.

“You’re beautiful,” Youngjae says and Mark makes a noise of denial, his breath fanning over Youngjae’s lips as he tries to fight the pleasure he’s feeling. “You are, love. And if it’s true and I’m the only one, I want you to tell me who does this to you. Who gets to see you like this?”

“You, Youngjae,” Mark responds, gritting his teeth together but he whimpers when Youngjae’s digs his thumb into his slit. “Just you, only you. I’m only like- hh,  _ f-fuck _ .” He’s desperate for friction and Youngjae lets him have it, watching as he thrusts himself into Youngjae’s hand, wanting more.

“You’re mine, aren’t you?” Youngjae whispers, tilting his head when Mark tries to look away from him, his cheeks flaring with red. God, he looks so gorgeous. Youngjae’s sent Mark pictures of himself before like this but nothing compares to having Mark here, in his lap, moaning and whining for release. Quite a reverse from how Yien was with Youngjae but it’s definitely not unwelcome. “You’re my good boy, aren’t you?”

Mark whines again but he opens his eyes to stare into Youngjae’s, half lidded and pretty in the low light of the lamp on the table next to their couch. “I am,” he whispers, more against Youngjae’s lips than anything else, as close as he can be. No one else gets to see Mark like this. He’s Youngjae’s only. “I’m yours, your good boy, please, I need-”

“Go on,” Youngjae smiles, tightening his hand for him and Mark tangles his hand in Youngjae’s hair as he chases his release. He pulls tight on Youngjae’s blue strands and it makes him hiss but if Mark needs it, then Youngjae is willing to give it. Youngjae strokes him again to help him, quickening his pace when it’s not enough for him and he finally comes, more on his own shirt than anything. Mark sighs as he comes down, mindful of the fact that they’re in the living room and he probably shouldn’t get the couch soiled.

It’s not like Youngjae will mind but it’s also not as if he really wants to do couple bonding scrubbing a cum stain out of his shirt or the couch so Mark does what he can before stripping his shirt off, balling it up and dropping it to the floor, keeping whatever he got on it contained and inside.

Youngjae screws up his nose when Mark laughs softly but he’s laughing too, content for the moment to stare at him, running his fingers lightly up Mark’s sides.

“Don’t,” Mark whispers. “I’m ticklish.”

“I know,” Youngjae smiles, kissing his nose. “‘Cause I know you.”

Mark smiles back at him, his eyes glittering. He’s thinking about something and Youngjae is about to ask but the elder whispers, “Better than Yien?”

Youngjae lays his head against Mark’s chest, tucking himself in and everything is okay. “She’s you, isn’t she? But that doesn’t matter. Because I fell in love with you.”

“With me,” he echoes and his voice sounds off against Youngjae’s cheek.

“With you.” Youngjae squeezes around his waist and it takes a little bit of shifting for Mark to unfold his legs and sit in Youngjae’s lap. “You’re my little bird now.”

Mark snorts but buries his nose into Youngjae’s hair, cradling his head. “Oh, how the tables have turned. You’re still my otter.”

Youngjae lifts his head, meets Mark’s eyes and squeezes his hip. “Ew.”

“I’m crazy about you,” Mark says, his eyes still soft, warm. Youngjae feels like he could take on the world. “I’m serious, Youngjae. I just-”

Youngjae cups his face and Mark leans into it, holding onto his wrist with clutching fingers. “I’ve never loved someone like I love you.” Mark nods, his brows furrowing and Youngjae presses a kiss to his lips, keeping close. Something clicks in his brain, something about that they have their own place now and Mark has been mentioning some things about getting a pet finally.

“I can bring Coco here,” he says in a rush and Mark meets his eyes again, sighing but a smile graces his lips and he nods. “Sorry, I think my brain died halfway through that whole thing.”

“Thing…” Mark squints at him. “Having sex with me?”

“My brain died,” Youngjae defends, pouting and Mark kisses him, swallowing Youngjae’s laugh.

It had its ups and downs but their relationship will be okay. There’s no one else that fits better into their lives than the other and sometimes they argue. Sometimes Youngjae snaps from the stress of university and sometimes Mark won’t get out of bed but that’s the funny thing about love.

It makes you crazy.

Even when Youngjae is swearing at the television because Mark can beat him at Mario Kart every fucking time, he turns to his boyfriend and still feels those butterflies in his stomach from all those months ago. It’s been a year since they first met, more than half a year since they decided to let loose and give being together a try.

To think that messaging a random girl on a sugar baby app and telling her she was pretty landed him here - in an apartment with a boy in his lap that just so happened to be that girl from last year. It’s insane to think about, to even comprehend but his mind moves too fast when he’s with Mark. Everything is go and Youngjae doesn’t want to slow down if it means that Mark will stay by his side.

Things were hard and for a while, Youngjae wasn’t sure if this was ever going to work out. But even though Mark was terrified and Youngjae was drafting up various ways to either confess his love or swan dive off Mark’s balcony on New Years, they both somehow figured out that two is company.

And they both needed each other to be that two.

Youngjae knows he’s dumb when it comes to Mark but Mark is the exact same. And that’s what makes it all the more entertaining for them.

Yien isn’t gone. She’ll always be somewhere in both of their hearts and without her, Youngjae wouldn’t be sitting on his couch in his sweatpants with Mark asleep on his chest. He’s not entirely sure who he should thank but he supposes it doesn’t really matter.

He’d call himself pessimistic but right now, there’s nothing he’d rather be more optimistic about.

Because that’s love, isn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end!
> 
> thank you all so much for coming this far and if you did get this far, thank you for sticking with me this long even with the month long stretches between updates lol
> 
> i really do love this fic and i'm excited to end it to move onto other things. i know it's not perfect and it's a little stupid (considering how many times i brought up jinyoung's eyebrows even though i do love those BLOCKS) but i love it all the same. i hope that if you read this far, you loved it too.
> 
> thank you for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me what you think!


End file.
